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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be totally upset for being kicked out of pub cuz son was crying?

87 replies

monkeyfacegrace · 26/06/2009 14:11

Ahh maybe Im being totally over sensitive, but having a few problems with my son i.e he wont stop fucking crying the whole time. Anyway, mum takes me for lunch (where we thought was child friendly) to cheer me up. 1, no baby changing, so had to do it on my lap
2, wouldnt heat his dinner, so had to have it cold
3, wouldnt heat his milk, so the forula didnt mix properly so couldn't give it to him. Against company policy to heat baby stuff.

Soooo, after about half hour, my son (7 months) had had his cold lunch and was crying for a bottle. We were half waythrough ours and had already paid so we decided to eat up. Then manager comes over, says there has been a complaint about son crying. Well yeah you stupid fuck, your 'policy' says he cant have his milk heated. So we had to leave!
Im so upset, Im stressed anyway cuz of hearing his whinging all day without wasting money on a very rare lunch and being asked to leave by some pretentious shit in a pink shirt.
Excuse my language.

OP posts:

Qally · 26/06/2009 15:14

Lots of places won't provide hot water - I got into the habit of taking a flask to heat my son's bottle. They cite health and safety - scared in case you overheat the milk and burn the baby and sue, I imagine.

You can feed a baby formula at room temp. though? Just take the tetra pak cartons along for outings, and bob's your uncle.

BitOfFun · 26/06/2009 15:18

One sneaky way is to ask for a pot of hot water with your tea!

womma · 26/06/2009 15:36

My friend recently asked someone in a restaurant to heat her DS pot of food up and he did it with the milk steamer on the coffee machine and it took half an hour to cool down to boiling hot, it was thermo-nuclear!

I've taken to heating up my DDs food before we go out and I wrap the pot in foil so it's at least warm when she eats it. Then I don't have to try to charm any arsey barstaff into giving me some warm water - result!

Casserole · 26/06/2009 15:48

Totally disagree with whoever said you were unprepared - you had food, milk and nappies FGS!

I think they were unreasonable to ask you to leave and I would complain.

Some things that might make your life easier:

Take a carton of formula rather than powder if you're going somewhere new - it's only about 50p but so much easier.
Get your LO used to having his food and milk at room temperature when you're at home - then it won't be a problem when you're out if you can't heat stuff.

*If he has a middle of the day sleep, you might find early or late lunches easier, then he can sleep in his buggy / car seat next to you for part of the meal while you get some actualy eating done!

Maybe do a google to find some softer / smaller finger foods to start with.

My DS was a real screamer for a while when he was tiny and it was awful, AWFUL. I can hear the exhaustion and stress and disappointment in your post and I feel so badly for you. Has the screaming been going on for a long time? If so has anyone looked at him for you to see if anything can be done? I know preemies suffer with colic longer than most often. My LO was instantly sorted out when we took him to a chiropractor who specialised in paeds and colic. Just saying that because for ages I just struggled on thinking there was nothing else to do and I wish I'd tried stuff sooner. Just ignore all that if it's not helpful though!!

Hope you manage to get out again soon and have a nicer time xxx

wonderingwondering · 26/06/2009 15:54

Those weeks when they only eat purees are hard - in a couple of months he'll happily munch on a roll or breadsticks and a bit of cheese. I always took a banana (for mashing) and a yoghurt with me for on the go puree food.

ginormoboobs · 26/06/2009 15:56

YABU
Next time ask for a bowl of hot water.
Or you could buy cartons. Keep a couple in your changing bag with a steribottle.
Cold food will do him no harm. Both of mine will eat their food hot or cold. You just have to get them used to it. I BLW partly because I coudln't be bothered with all the faff involved with carting food about lol
Sorry it was a crappy day for you.

mamas12 · 26/06/2009 15:59

Name and shame the pub I think that was shoddy treatment of paying customer never mind family UN friendly.
Please Complain

bubblagirl · 26/06/2009 16:00

YANBU im sorry it turned out this way for you

we learnt this way too so we bought the baby Thermos flask so we can warm own bottle up when out and you could heat food too with it

next time just dont rely on them being helpful we learnt the hard way and never made the same mistake it comes down to health and safety in most places there not allowed to heat food now

next time just take a flask of hot water and i hope you can enjoy a nice meal out

SomeGuy · 26/06/2009 18:10

TBH I'd never take a young child to a pub, unless they have a garden - especially not a grumpy child. Take a picnic to the park instead and stop off at the off-licence on the way for a couple of bottles of beer or something.

And fucking is not a nice word to use wrt your child.

DS was bottle fed due to the stupid hospital policies where he was born and we carried around a thermos of warm water for making up formula. The cartons are also very handy.

Original poster

monkeyfacegrace · 26/06/2009 18:28

Picnic? It was in the middle of a thunderstorm! And we didnt drink so beer wasn't needed, it was a pub/dining room on the back of a manor house, not just your local drinker.

OP posts:

posieparker · 26/06/2009 18:33

OMG, poor you. Maybe it wasn't the best idea going to a place to eat run by a twat and maybe not a great idea going out to eat when your ds is soooo miserable. But it does kill you when they won't stop fucking crying.
Perhaps let your Mum look after him and take a book and go for lunch alone next time.

Does he cry all the time? Could be teeth? Boredom etc.

[understanding mother of a miserable baby emoticon]

posieparker · 26/06/2009 18:36

PS unless OP is a Saint of course she wants to swear when she has a crying baby.... I do. It's not the prettiest side of motherhood but unless she's swearing at her baby I see nothing wrong with a little vent and swear. I think it's saved my baby's life.

Redazzy · 26/06/2009 18:42

Sorry about the initial lack of sympathy you received. You sound like you have a lot on your plate and needed a bit of a break which you didn't get.

I had one of those fisher price flasks for heating bottles when my dc were babies. It has a very large plastic cover into which you pour the hot water and sit the bottle to warm.

I still have it sitting in my cupboard and would be happy to send it to you if it would be helpful for the future. If you would like it let me know and we can organise for me to get your address.

Original poster

monkeyfacegrace · 26/06/2009 19:11

Redazzy thats so kind of you, but I have a thermos flask with a large mug on the lid so Im going to use that in future, but thanks so much for the offer.
And thanks Posie for the support, and you are right, I most defo dont show my children my anger. I vent on here, to mum, and to my poor poor other half!
I do get a break from my toddler, she goes to nusery every Friday, but not from the constant whinging of my son. At first he had colic BIG TIME, now its teething. But he is starting nursery next week, then Ive got 3 week before I go back to work, and my god Im going to use that time wisely!!

OP posts:

Casserole · 26/06/2009 19:13

Oh FGS. Fucking's not a nice word to use about anyone. But most of us, with enough tiredness, emotional wretchedness and provocation will occasionally go further than "oh fiddlesticks". Particularly when venting on a message board rather than doing it IRL.

If you never have, someguy, than kudos to you. I certainly have. In fact I'm doing it in my head right now.

OP, I hope you're feeling a bit better now that people are saying they've been there. I promise in a month or two it'll be so much easier, too. We even got a lie in with the papers and breakfast the other weekend, I nearly wept with gratitude as I really did think those days were gone forever! x

Original poster

monkeyfacegrace · 26/06/2009 19:15

Im cringing now, Im making it sound like I hate my son, I really dont! Im just tired tired tired of the cry. And its not just a cry. Its a squeal. Honestly its the worst baby cry you have ever heard!!

OP posts:

Original poster

monkeyfacegrace · 26/06/2009 19:16

(p.s I did put an apology for my language on the very first post-I know its horrid to swear but I was so angry)

OP posts:

slowreadingprogress · 26/06/2009 19:18

however hard on you, it IS unreasonable for two adults to sit there eating lunch while a baby screams for his bottle and other diners have a totally unrelaxing time, when one of the adults could be dealing with the baby

In cafes or whatever if DS kicked off I would take him outside while DH ate, then he'd do the same

It's just courtesy to others imo

slowreadingprogress · 26/06/2009 19:19

in fact I think we gave up on going out AT ALL for a couple of years, not that I recommend that!!

Original poster

monkeyfacegrace · 26/06/2009 19:23

Yeah Im kinda seeing that slowrp, I guess I was just fuming earlier that they were being so sodding difficult about heating a bottle for me. Now Ive calmed down, (and believe it or not Ive actually laughed today despite car failing MOT this afternoon too!), I can see its 6 of one half dozen of the other.

OP posts:

slowreadingprogress · 26/06/2009 19:28

oh dear monkey you have had a day of it

just a bad day, tomorrow will be better - that's what I tell myself anyway

Original poster

monkeyfacegrace · 26/06/2009 19:34

Crikey its been a bad week but I wont bore you with it! Literally everthing that could have gone wrong has, hence the totally irrational reaction to a simple everyday issue!
Thanks to all of you for letting me drone on, I havent been using this forum for long, but for me its been the outlet that Ive needed, (in a non soppy wierdo-who-sits-on-the-internet-way!)x

OP posts:

Tryharder · 26/06/2009 20:02

You were treated badly by the pub management and you would be well within your rights to complain.

But I am feeling sorry for your DS. Have you seen the doctor about the crying? You say it's a squeal rather than a cry which might indicate that he's in pain.

acebaby · 26/06/2009 20:17

monkey - sounds like you have had a rotten week so have an unmumsnetty hug from me. DS1 was also a screamer. It is so hard when they seem to shriek 10x more than other babies. I remember eating my lunch in the car with screaming DS1 more than once when family booked special meals at child unfriendly places! The manager could have and should have managed the situation much more sensitively.

Your DS is already 7 months. IN a couple of months you'll be able to bring along little sandwiches and a beaker of water for him.

It might be an idea to have a chat to the hv or gp about the crying, just in case there is a cause that can be sorted out. In DS1's case it was overtiredness and there was nothing we could do about it because he wouldn't sleep at night or nap in the day, but a friend's baby had undiagnosed reflux.

take care and have a good weekend

Original poster

monkeyfacegrace · 26/06/2009 20:18

No its just his cry! Its been the same since day one, just high pitched. Ive been in contact with doctors because he is premmie, so it was defo colic before and we tried everything going, and now its teething, along with the gallons of dribble that is pouring out! That, and tiredness I guess.

OP posts:

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