To think that, actually, my mother could look after DD while i go to see my counsellor.

[lucyellensmumisgreat]

At home, instead of trapsing the poor soul all the way over on the bus when i have said that DD is tired and run down this week and could do without a sweaty hot bus journey.

Also, is it too much to ask for the ONLY thing i do all week for ME to be effective so that i can have some time to myself after my counselling to assimilate what has been said and get my head straight. Its not so much DD that does my head in after my counselling session but my mother.

Ive dropped enough hints, and even today on the phone i said that i didn't think DD was that well so maybe she could stay at home with her. My mum made it pretty darn clear that she wouldn't be happy about that.

She knows i go to see someone "about my nerves" and this week they are torn to shreds over a health issue and i NEED to see my counsellor, otherwise iwouldn't go.

I wondered the same but I thought maybe the heat was getting to me and confusing me.

Hey, no fair!! I didn't get to see what the OP said to/about me! Anyone willing to enlighten me?

And morningpaper, it's not the counselling I was referring to. It was the OP's presumption that it was her grandmother's duty to babysit her DD. See her latter post as well, when she says (and I quote), "I do think that babysitting, when convenient is part of the grandparent remit ... I don't think it should be expected or that parents should take the piss, but i do think it should be something that GPs do".

It is never a GP's duty to babysit their grandchildren! One can dress that up all one likes, but that definitely sounds like a "me, me, me" thing. Like others have said, sort out a formal arrangement, be that with the GP or another form of childcare.

Yanbu. Sorry your mum isn't willing to be flexible lem. From your previous posts I know you really could do with some productive counselling and totally understand why you want your mum to do it at yours.

And arranging for it to be done while dd is at nursery would be great but is easier said than done. IME and all the friends I've known who've had counselling you have to take the appointment your given, its not like getting a haircut and being able to pick and choose when you go.

Sorry, typo, you're given.

It actually sounds to me like LEM has just had enough, today.

I don't know of the OP's problems or anythin but I'm inferring, from what others have said, that she badly needs this counselling. I do know, from past experience, that usually if you don't take the appointment you're given, you get shunted to the bottom of the list again- or at least, have to wait ages for a more suitable appointment.

FWIW, although I don't think one should 'expect' a GP to babysit, I do think one has a right to hope that one's mother hasn't given up helping their child just because that child has reached adulthood.

Basically, if LEM were my child, no matter what her age, if she was struggling and needed my help, I'd give it- because she is my child, and I still want to look after her.

Asana - i told you to feck off, and that i found your post patronising. The rest of the post was arguing the point. I apologise if have offended you, um, or that you didn't get to see what i said because it was deleted. I was in a bit of a state this morning so AIBU was not a place to post i suppose - but honestly, it was just a rant, please don't think that i don't appreciate what my mum does for me, i do. I lost my dad too so i do know how you feel. I am willing to accept that i can be a bit of a spoilt brat too.

As i have said, but most of you have ignored, its just the problem with having to walk straight out of counselling, which usually ends up with me feeling pretty fraught to having to instantly be happy happy mummy - its hard. Was an especially tough session today (lots of tears and panic attacks), but actually seeing my DD straight away afterwards helped. As for it being ME ME ME - well, its ME with the problem so yes, it is all about me.

I really do see it as part of being a grandparent doing babysitting, i mean, what gp wouldnt want to, if they could? Surely? I am quite looking foreward to babysitting for mine when i get them. If you want to be pedantic, then its not a duty and neither am i ENTITLED to it. Yeah i know i said as much but i was just being antagonistic. You ladies get your panties in such a twist.

Anna, my up yer bum comment was meant to be conciliatory.

YANBU to feel upset that your mum doesnt seem to want to help you. Its horrible when we feel our loved ones dont understand us.

But thats the point, you mum probably just doesnt understand.

I think the nasty comments are uncalled for. We are all entitled to a rant and to feel let down. There a plenty of threads like that on here about everyone from God to the new Aupair.

Me, me, me? Isnt that the point of counselling?

I have never had much in the way of help from my family. It didnt stop me wanting it or feeling let down when i didnt get it yet again. I have managed and I dont feel I am owed anything by anyone but it would have been nice when things were really tough.

I hope you feel better OP.

Have you found a job yet LEM?

""I really do see it as part of being a grandparent doing babysitting, i mean, what gp wouldnt want to, if they could?"

You are wrong to assume this. It is a bonus if GPs babysit. It's their choice- not your expectations that count.

MY IL never babysat once in all the time my Dcs were small- they did live 250 miles away- but contrat that with MY mum who would come and stay at the drop of a hat - also 250 miles away.

It's not your right to have babysitting from your family- you seem to think it is.

Maybe these expectations are something you need to discuss with your counsellor.

You should also discuss being in a state when you leave the session- she ought to wind things up sooner so you get some space before you leave the session- does she know how you feel?

LEM nudges moondog to get her to change the record. Yeah yeah, i know all that - you're probably right! Don't nag me woman!

I really should apologise though - i honestly just wanted to let off steam. In all honesty, my mum just likes the afternoon out, and she always treats us to lunch afterwards too - how ungrateful am i, i know. But honestly - my brain is cabbage after counselling and i could do with a coffee just to bring myself back to the here and now afterwards.

I painted a picture that suggested i was pissed off with my mum, im not. Im pissed off with my situation. I never get to go out unless i take DD with me. My mum does and will look after her but she is not as fit as she was - although don't cross her, she is a scary lady. I know people who don't have ANY family support and they get out more than I do. Now of course, i realise that is down to me being too anxious to leave DD with anyone other than my mum.

Its like, yes, i should explain to my mum that actually i sometimes find it hard work with DD when they come over. DD ends up tired and tetchy, my MOTHER ends up tired and tetchy. I don't want her to worry and think im a candidate for the asylum, because that is what she WILL think. I might suggest that she looks after DD at home on a tuesday afternoon - its easier all round, i end up only being gone just over two hours. Then we can go out somewhere the next day.

See im all nice and rational now - I am sorry for earlier, i was in a complete mess - but i do think some of the posts were a bit harsh and personal which resulted in my digging a big hole for myeslf.

Going now - so tired

LEM, if you worked ,you would get some headspace,really you would.
Why do you think I have always worked f/t?

i DO know all that moondog, honestly - if i were not me, i would tell me to get a job, i've far too much time on my hands and its NOT helping. But im scared shitless if im honest, its stupid but i just have lost all my confidence, its catch 22 because i know if i were to get a job id feel better, wed be more stable, bla bla bla. I did manage to sort out our finances and have those under control. DPs business is doing OK, despite the recession so thats a positive. The plan is for me to get a job when dd starts school. I WANT to do it, i know i can, i know im qualified, but i just seem to hit a brick wall. I Will get over this, ive had a bit of a set back (health related but i dont want to talk about it) and its knocked me for six, but I have been doing OK.

Well, great to hear your dh's business sorted out.
Start small-a few hours volunteering perhaps.

So much of self worth is inextricably tied up in knowing you are of worth to others, and that is what the world of work or volunteering can do.
You've only got one crack at life.Don't waste it.

Can your counsellor not work on your confidence with you?

Confidence is gained by going out and engaging with the world, not being shut away in a clinic or consulting room and encouraged to navel gaze.

IMVHO of course.

yes, but counsellors can use strategies like NLP, CBT and positive thinking techniques.
Sometimes people need these in order to get out of the door- you sound a little harsh MD.

LEM, I'm not easily offended (well, my virtual self isn't), so don't worry about it

Still of the view that GPs don't have a duty to babysit their GCs. Seriously though, IMO it's better to have a formal paid arrangement in place - that way, you would have every right to be pissed off if the person cancelled on you or didn't do things the way it was initially agreed.

And good to see that having your DD with you post-counselling wasn't as bad as you'd feared

Typed a long post LEM but getting too confusing... summarise with YANBU.

Wish I could help but am nowhere near you.

Asana, you were "there" as it were - im sorry for jumping down your throat. Glad to see you can be in good humour about it. I know what you mean about the formal arrangement - this is going to be an issue for me when i do go to work as i will need after school care. Its not my mums fault but i wont be able to rely on her but my word, im scared to tell her i'll be considering a CM.

Moondog is always harsh on me merryweather - i tell her to fuck off when im in a bad mood too! Trouble is, she is probably right.

LEM I havent read this thread with a fine toothed comb but I can see you've calmed down even though the problem is still there.

Maybe this resentment with your mum is something you could take to the counselling sessions themselves? It sounds like a battle between you both about what is whose responsibility and so on. There is a touch of the 'burning martyr' about it, which you may have learned from her? It's all good counselling material and I bet it is happening for a good reason!

Hope the pressure eases up soon for you.

blinder, that is quite spooky, being a martyr, is what me and my mother do best!

Yeah - these things often turn up when you are really getting somewhere with counselling. Hope it leads somewhere really positive for you, her and your DD.