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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that, actually, my mother could look after DD while i go to see my counsellor.

73 replies

lucyellensmumisgreat · 23/06/2009 10:08

At home, instead of trapsing the poor soul all the way over on the bus when i have said that DD is tired and run down this week and could do without a sweaty hot bus journey.

Also, is it too much to ask for the ONLY thing i do all week for ME to be effective so that i can have some time to myself after my counselling to assimilate what has been said and get my head straight. Its not so much DD that does my head in after my counselling session but my mother.

Ive dropped enough hints, and even today on the phone i said that i didn't think DD was that well so maybe she could stay at home with her. My mum made it pretty darn clear that she wouldn't be happy about that.

She knows i go to see someone "about my nerves" and this week they are torn to shreds over a health issue and i NEED to see my counsellor, otherwise iwouldn't go.

OP posts:

spicemonster · 23/06/2009 12:08

LEM - you said you've dropped hints but I wonder if you've explained clearly to your mum how important it is to you to have that time on your own after your counselling? FWIW I always used to feel shell-shocked when I came out so I understand your need to process afterwards.

I wonder if you're being a bit too oblique in the way you're explaining it to her. Make it about your need (calmly) rather than it being something that you don't think your DD can cope with. Besides, that doesn't address the long term issue.

I wonder if your mum is also thinking 'well I don't want to sit on a hot and sweaty bus either'. Perhaps you could alternate? So one week she comes to you, next week you take your DD to her?

Don't know if that's any use but just some ideas.

Thunderduck · 23/06/2009 12:09

If your counsellor's idea of sticking up for yourself is telling people to''fuck right off'' and saying 'up your bum' then I suggest you find a new counsellor.

duke748 · 23/06/2009 12:10

I have reported your rude post to MN. I think your attitude is VERY unreasonable!

burningupinspeed · 23/06/2009 12:11

I am LOLing at up your bum though, really gives the OP credibility

ItsAllaBitNoisy · 23/06/2009 12:12

I think it would do you no harm to miss a weeks counselling, if this is how it makes you interact.

rubyslippers · 23/06/2009 12:14

i think counselling is hugely important and you do need time to process the session afterwards whcih wouldn't be easy with your DD in tow

is there anyway you can arrange it for an evening when your DP is at home or use a more formal arrangement (ie when your DD is at pre-school)

It is not a GP's remit to babysit - lovely if it happens but not an obligation at all, ever

callalilies · 23/06/2009 12:15

You genuinely do think you are entitled to babysitting? There was me all concerned that your posts were portraying you inaccurately as believing that and not wanting you to be misunderstood!

Ok well if you genuinely think that all I can say is I hope you don't give your mother that impression. I think if I had a daughter who came across as though she was entitled to babysitting I'd probably refuse to make the point!

hullygully · 23/06/2009 12:16

I think you're all being horrid. Society only works if we all help each other out, of course we depend on family and friends for help. Just be straight with your mum, LEM, sounds like she'd be reasonable.

And she can tell people to fuck off if she likes, ffs when did mn get so fucking po-faced?

minxofmancunia · 23/06/2009 12:16

hmm agree with thunderduck about the sticking up for yourself thing I'm afraid, your post was hostile and aggressive, not going to get very far with that attitude. I've been doing CBT (as a therapist) with self-esteem issues and part of that is how to be appropriately assertive without coming accross as aggressive. May be something you could talk to your cousellor about.

Also it's not her job abd you're not entitled to it annoying as it may seem. I do empathise, I'm on the sofa 6 months pg with a flu bug was supposed tp be in work and it's the day either my mum or dhs mum looks after 2.9 year old dd. Because I'm at home my Mums getting off quite a few hours earlier than normal despite the fact i look and feel like death!! I knew this would happen as soon as she realised I was off sick. It's pissed me off but I just have to accept it and put cbeebies on til dh gets home and takes over!

Agree with others put it to her clearly rather than hinting, going to see a counsellor is ultimately very long term and draining and you do need time to process and assimilate.

morningpaper · 23/06/2009 12:17

I agree with hullygully

And asana was horrid - telling someone posting about their counselling that it's all about "me me me" ? I mean that's the sort of POINT of counselling, isn't it?!

OrmIrian · 23/06/2009 12:18

lem - if that is you being asssertive I think you might be better off not being

THis is AIBU so some people will tell you that you are. Tis life.

However, try being definite with your mum about what you want. Sometimes hints don't do the trick. And let her do it the way suits her. It isn't her job. It really isn't. Incidentally I have loads of sympathy (honest) I've read your posts on MN in the past and I know you've been through the wringer.

Thunderduck · 23/06/2009 12:18

Well if she can tell people to fuck off if she likes, then we can be ''horrid'' i.e honest if we like.

hullygully · 23/06/2009 12:19

Good lord.

duke748 · 23/06/2009 12:19

Hullygully - 'Society only works if we all help each other out' and 'she can tell people to f off if she wants' - do you not see the contradiction in your post?

MadameCastafiore · 23/06/2009 12:21

No it is not your mother's job to look after your child for any reason whatsoever - they do it because they love you and want to, they are not obligated!

hullygully · 23/06/2009 12:21

Er, no. Report me report me report me.

burningupinspeed · 23/06/2009 12:21

Oh well if someone is horrid then sure tell them to fuck off, it shows that you are better than them.

hullygully · 23/06/2009 12:22

No, it shows that they should fuck off.

Thunderduck · 23/06/2009 12:24

I don't think that anyone here has been horrid to the OP.

hullygully · 23/06/2009 12:24

Good for you.

burningupinspeed · 23/06/2009 12:27

No, really, it does show how much better she is, and somehow has the right to decide who should post on her threads, even on an open forum that anyone can use. Go LEM!

gardeningmum05 · 23/06/2009 12:27

agree with madamcecas, mothers should want to look after their grandchildren, not expected too.
and i should be grateful for what she does, alot of mums get no family support what so ever, and would be extrememly grateful to have any me time at all

TheDevilWearsSocksWithSandals · 23/06/2009 12:31

So why your AIBU post today about keeping her off today for no good reason?

I'm confused.

Portofino · 23/06/2009 12:34

In all of my DD's life, I have not had family members to rely on for babysitting. If I want a babysitter, I pay for one, or dd goes too, or DH and I go out by ourselves. End of. I'm shocked that people believe that GP are OBLIGATED to babysit. Obviously it's lovely if they do.

burningupinspeed · 23/06/2009 12:35

TDWP I was just reading that and thinking the same.

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