to shout at dc everyday because they won't respect what I say otherwise?

[strawberryplanter]

I have a good relationship on the whole with my 4 dc age 5-11. When I ask them nicely they invariably ignore me but if I get angry and shout they respond straightaway.

They all have to get ready for school, do hw, all the usual things, but I would love it if I did not have to be cross all the time. Don't get me wrong, we do have fun too and laugh and do lots together.

It's not good for me nor them to think their mum is so angry all the time.

Tips please. Are there any mums out there who never ever shout?

I almost never shout. I am far from perfect but I just couldn't bear to live with all that aggressive noise - t'would give me a headache.

I have just always punished my children - from a very early age with EXACTLY the thing that I threaten. I don't have to shout because when I say very calmly 'get your things readythis minute or you will not have pagletfriend over for tea tonight' they know I absoloutely, without question, will cancel tea if they do not act straight away.

It really really works. So I also don't have to do it very often

Once or twice a year WOW shine! >>

I will try to emanate that. I use bribes all the time, if you haven't .... then you're not... and I choose things they really love (like riding)and it does work for sure.

But I still find a reason to get cross and angry with them everyday so need to work on that.

I shout. Not as much as I did. Because DS#1 goes to school on his own now. Hurrah! However DD is taking on her big brother's mantle as 'the most aggravating child on the planet' She would rather look for the cat, play with the cat, wind her little brother up, do some drawing... anything other than the things she has to do

well done Pagwash, I also follow through threats but I am horribly shouty too but don't want to be any more.

There was a period in my life when I always went to work with a sore throat

If my son is refusing to do something like put on his shoes I count down "5... 4.. 3.. 2... 1" If he refuses to comply then he gets punished.

I find that shouting is counter productive, he just ends up shouting back at me and nothing gets done. Inspite of this I do sometimes end up shouting.

I will read this thread with interest.

ah then perhaps your threats are just not mean enough...

You could always try bribing yourself - every day you don't shout you get some new shoes, or a bottle of gin, or soemthing you would like....

Pagwash, brilliant

I will treat myself to a cup of coffee with a splash of Baileys later as I didn't shout this morning.

its amazing how sometimes MN just has the right thread at the right moment - dh and i had a blazing row last night about how much shouting is going on with the kids and i was going to start a thread but was worried i was the only one on MN who shouted - sooooo glad i'm not!

i've got 3 dc and its the youngest 2 (ds1 4.8 and ds2 2.10) who get shouted at the most - they just dont listen to me and then they shout at each other which is obviously copying me but dh and i couldnt agree the way forward - its hard to say you'll never shout at them - what about the serious situations when one of them is clobbering the other over the head with something hard!

mealtimes are the worst but like shine's discpiline of putting it in the bin - am i being unreasonable doing that with ds2 - he's well able to feed himself but sometimes just plays up so much then i end up shouting the house down! dh says then ds2 is just getting the attention he wants - surely he cant want to be shouted at?

going to pick them up from Kindergarten soon and will see if i can go the rest of the afternoon without shouting - consequences instead!

I find if I end the sentence with a really crisp 'and would you do that now please, thank you' it has quite an effect in this house.
It has to be really crisp and sharp, slightly louder that the preceding words, with perhaps a slight emphasis on the now, and you have to say the 'thank you' as if there is no question about it, of course they will be doing it now.

You are only allowed to do this max 3 times per day or it loses its effectiveness so choose your battles.

I never realised that I had a Teacher Voice until just now! It goes something like: raise one eyebrow, fix offender with cool stare, drop tone by one full octave and speak veeeery slowly.

Works a treat when dealing with general numpties too.

ay general numpties.

I also have a face apparently . DS1 once whispered urgently at DD 'for goodness sake go and do it now - look at mums face '

If I try crisp and sharp it ends up fishwifey screechy, so will try a Joanna Lumley type sooth with an emphasis on the NOW (followed possibly by a pause for effect) please?

I tried verry sllowwwly and had them mimic me back, notice my lovely dd2 is picking up a few rather sharpish tones from me (Ooooh noooo)

My own mother was horribly sarky, a teacher too so everything enunciated with full effect but moody with it so I'm trying not to let that influence my own parenting techniques. At least I don't retort 'because I said so' which was a complete bugbear phase I vowed I would never use...and haven't! Another slosh of the Bailey's (later!)

It's so good to know that I'm not the only "fishwife" around! I feel that I'm constantly shouting at the dcs to get them to do anything. If I talk quietly they just ignore me! I have made a concerted effort not to shout so much, and it's been working but sometimes it's such an effort! Now, how do I go about getting a teacher voice??

I find the calmer and firmer I say something, the more DS will listen, but it still needs saying about four times, repeatedly, like a broken record.

Wispering also works for me, or lowering my voice.

Mostly though, what works to stop me shouting is what I say, rather than how I say it. I recommend you read how to talk so kids listen and listen to kids talk or whatever it's called.

Best teachery thing to do is to notice the well behaved children and praise them to a ridiculous extent - would that work if you had a couple of children yourself? I.e. DD you've put your shoes on all by yourself, aren't you a clever girl, well done, etc, etc (while perhaps your DS is jumping on the sofa instead of putting on his shoes). I did that so much when I was a teacher, it's amazing how well it works in the classroom, but as I only have 1 toddler I can't claim it crosses over as teacher-parent behaviour just yet.

Yes I do that but then I get accused of favouritism!

I find that the Teacher Voice combined with The Stare works quite well, although sometimes only an ear blistering yell will get results!

DD & I have a great relationship, but she pushes my buttons sometimes and the teacher voice comes out of me. She hates me shouting, but sometimes she intentionally winds me up (she's 8...i think she's channelling her inner teen).

I think it's part of the job of parenting, being strict and occasionally losing it. As long as you're not vindictive when you shout, just frustrated, I don't see the problem.

Be loud and be proud.

Can one of you teachers please record your Teacher Voice and post it on youtube for us

You need to get the teachers tone as well. Thin silky and sharp edged with just a hint of menace, plus the raised eyebrow and the disbelieving stare than when you said jump they aren't asking how high.

A pair of scissors waved in the general direction of ps3 and computer cables at the plug end is also very effective.

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