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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want school to think Father's Day is important too

62 replies

biffandchip · 19/06/2009 23:13

For Mother's Day I got a card from DS1 (Y2), a card from DS2 (YFS) and a card and present from DS3 (Nursery). Why is it then that there was one Father's Day card from DS2 brought home from school and nothing from DS1 or DS3. Do schools tread carefully bearing in mind the number of children who might not be in contact with their father. I must say, whatever the reason I am disappointed and feel like it devalues the role of the father. I think I will raise it with the teachers next week.

OP posts:

hf128219 · 19/06/2009 23:28

Actually a lot of people I know think Fathers' Day is a load of commericial twat and don't mark the day.

Mumofagun · 19/06/2009 23:30

By the way my own Dad thinks Mother's day is sacrosanct and Father's day is a load of pants!

tigerdriver · 19/06/2009 23:33

Father's day is a made up thing, albeit it has been going for years. Mothering sunday is something to do with the mother church in CofE as far as I can remember, not really mothers but got hijacked years ago (my 79 yo mum remembers it as a posy for your mother, not the religious thing).

So pedantically FD is on a par with Valentine's day (ie a licence to print money for Hallmark et al).

I think it's tough for schools as there may be far more kids with no active dad than everyday mum. Better to ignore it I should think but commercial pressure too much

DS (7) this evening: shall we get dad a new lawnmower for FD.

Me: no.

JudyBlume1019 · 19/06/2009 23:34

My dad thinks it's bollocks too Mumofagun, probably because they can remember it being 'invented'

MarmadukeScarlet · 19/06/2009 23:36

My DD did a poem in IT, but I don't think it was a school led project. DS did nothing.

The DC wanted to make DH a present, so we did - we have nearly built a log store which I designed myself with help from the little cherubs.

He doesn't want one, but I am desperate for the logs to be piled neatly that I have pretended it is for him.

bumsrush · 19/06/2009 23:37

My group avoided both Mothers day (girl had lost her mum that year) and fathers day as we hadn't done motheres day cards and don't know who has and has not got dads around.

Might do it next year, might not have time though, surely the other parent can make one with the kids and anything made at school or a club if too good quality is not the kids owrk and a proper homemade one should be appreciated more.

Original poster

biffandchip · 19/06/2009 23:37

OK, so we believe in the fatman in the red suit that comes down our chimney but not a day to celebrate dads?

OP posts:

Alambil · 19/06/2009 23:38

I still think it's sad if they do nothing

DS doesn't have a dad - he wrote his card about his Gramdpa (ds couldn't spell it... aww)

MarmadukeScarlet · 19/06/2009 23:39

LOL at new mower.

pointydog · 19/06/2009 23:45

no we don't beleive in santa but, generally speaking, it is not such a touchy subject.

Best to do something yourself

Mumofagun · 19/06/2009 23:47

Well, DS sent a "commercial" 'Grandad' card even though I bulked at it and initially said no until he said, "I wish he was my dad as well as yours, he's the best". That'll do for me, he's got his male role model. A lot of things have religious meaning, and whilst I'm not overtly religious I appreciate them. I do not appreciate commercialism. Do I appreciate dad's? Yes, but why do we need a special day? Do we continue this with "Special Auntie day", or, "Happy Uncle Day"? I am sure there are a lot of aunts and uncles who are basically surrogate parents BUT Mothers day is born out of religion. Tough.

teafortwo · 19/06/2009 23:48

It is a really tricky one.

I really want dd to celebrate my DH on Sunday. He is so great with dd and it is really important to me that she can celebrate her lovely Dad.

A dear friend of mine dreads Fathers Day presents coming home from school because her LO insists on trying anyway possible to give it to his Dad who doesn't want it - he has another life now that doesn't include his LO. ...

I suppose teachers and nursery nurses have to judge each year based on the family situation of the children in the class, perhaps their own personal convictions and company or school policies whether to make something for Dads or not... and I suppose whatever conclusion they come to 'yay' or 'nay' the reaction at the school gate will prove that "You can please some of the people some of the time..."

SomeGuy · 19/06/2009 23:51

fathers day is bollocks.

sorry.

Mumofagun · 19/06/2009 23:51

Before I go to bed, religious feeling apart, why do we need a bloody day to say to the people we love and appreciate that we love and appreciate them? We should be doing and showing it all the time anyway. I don't need a day to tell my mum and dad how much they mean to me and they don't want cards, baskets of flowers or unnecessary ties and 4 packs of lager or whatever. Commercialism at its worst.

pointydog · 19/06/2009 23:52

what are you sorry about, some?

Happymum22 · 17/06/2011 23:27

I agree but I think each class teacher should consider the children in their class, it is rare to find a class with NO child with an absent father.
In a class it is rarer to find a child without a mother- but this depends on schools.

I'd hope the reasons mothers day is a lot more thought of by the school is because the teacher has considered each child, realised no children will be upset and have therefore celebrated.

Having grown up most of my childhood without a dad, I can say a teacher forcing me to make a fathers day card, was possibly the most painful experience of my life. Another year I remember holding back the tears as I was patronisingly asked if i wanted to make it for my grandpa. One year all my friends went off at lunchtime to art club, to make a box for their dad. I never felt so terrible in my life thnking back , these memories have stuck with me.

I guess you'd see it differently if it was your child who had an absent father- knowing the upset it would cause them.
I would hope similarly if a teacher had a child in their class with an absent mother, they would avoid any activity which would cause that child such distress.

NeverAttributeToMalice · 18/06/2011 00:46

Sexism alert: is it maybe because mums are organised and will ensure that dads get something on father's day, whereas if dad doesn't get a reminder in the form of a handmade gift and card, mother's day might pass unobserved in a lot of households?

chicletteeth · 18/06/2011 01:49

Happymum that teacher who forced you to make the card should be taken to task! The idea of fathers days (for those who want to celebrate it in the non-religious way that mothers day is now celebrated) should be allowed; should the majority of kids not be permitted to make something for their dad/father figure because some don't have that chance?

How fair is that?

Also, FWIW fathers are generally speaking a lot more hands on nowadays than ever before, so if a mothers day card is appropriate, why not a fathers day one?

LolaRennt · 18/06/2011 02:20

I thought it might be because so many kids don't have men to give cards too :( It just singles them out a bit

TheFrogs · 18/06/2011 02:25

For the first time ever dd came home today without a father's day card. I have no idea why they've suddenly stopped making them at school. Dd doesn't see her dad (actually he's not worthy of that title), she can't stand him, but she loves to make a card for Grandad. It's a shame.

bessie26 · 18/06/2011 02:44

DD2 made a card for DH at nursery, the kids in the pre-school class all decorated mugs for their dads too.

When I was at school I always made the Father's Day card for my grandad or my mum!

SoloIsAHotCougar · 18/06/2011 02:54

Well I for one am glad that Dd did not make one in nursery. I will though, have to send an e card this year

3rdtimesacharm · 18/06/2011 02:59

I got a lovely card brought home by dd in March but nothing for Fathers day. When dd realised it was Fathers day this weekend after teatime discussion of present and making cake, she was upset she hadn't done something in school. We have previously spoken about how families are different so discussed that again but its tough to make the link at 4.

We're going to do stuff at home anyway to include other two dcs but I think either children should be given opportunity to do something for both dates or neither. Surely the reason of it being more likely that there are absent fathers doesn't work when families are all shapes and sizes with some absent mums, same sex couples, grandparents in main care role etc.

Surely a mention of Fathers day or Mothers day and opportunity to make card for Dad, Mum or choice to make for anyone special in childs life would be ok. Either that or ignore both and leave it to be done at home if chosen.

And breathe.....

Nanny0gg · 18/06/2011 09:21

Ask the school why it is treated differently...

Goblinchild · 18/06/2011 09:23

I think they are both celebrations for the family and should not be covered in school at all.

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