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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think driving 6 hours is excessive

73 replies

Aeschylus · 19/06/2009 18:25

Need help!!!

DW and me have been locked in battle over a party tomorrow...

DW's Dad, has some sort of mystical hold over DW, despite them only seeing each other 2 or 3 times a year...

he told DW a few months ago about this party @ Chigwell, London he was having, we live in North Norfolk..

I estimate will take 3 hours each way, party is from 1-8pm, however we have a 15 month old, who does not do well if his routine is messed up, and is very clingy, and hates strange men... and this week is cutting a double tooth...

so is generally ficking misreable, I look after DS full time DW works....

at present he goes to sleep at approx 7.30, DW wants to go to party and leave at 6pm, I said no way can we keep him awake for a 3 hour journey on way home, and from previous experience he will wake up when we try to get him out of car, and not go back to sleep...

he is a light sleeper, and once woken can take a while to get him off again

so I said I dont want to go, cue fireworks...all week....

I have offered to go but we levae at 4pm, this was not acceptable

I have offered just for DW to go, this was not acceptable.

I have offered for Nan to sit and me and DW can go, this was not acceptable...

DW has gone out tonight and has charged me with finding away that we can go, I have said unless you pull a helicopter out of your ass, we aint going....

she tried talking to her Dad last night, and he was like "chrildren get sick", "chrildren teeth", "no traffic in London on a sataurday".

so we have reached deadlock, DW said we will just have to put with DS being grumpy for a few days after party, I said no, that is not fair...

what do I do, please help!!!!!

am I really being unreasonable, I am the original billy no mates, so could do with some outside opinion please.

OP posts:

walkinthewoods · 19/06/2009 21:26

Sorry has anyone else read the op post about FIL blanking his dw at age 16? Might give some indication?

walkinthewoods · 19/06/2009 21:27

Sorry maybe you have, just got a bit riled

melmog · 19/06/2009 21:29

Looks like you're going to have to go!

SerendipitousHarlot · 19/06/2009 21:33

That's not what he said was the issue in the beginning though, was it, WITW?

Sidge · 19/06/2009 21:36

The more you stick to his routine so rigidly, the more he'll be unsettled by any changes in routine. I am a firm believer in a young child having a routine but not at the expense of my relationships with my DH and family and friends.

On the odd occasion children need to get used to things being slightly different - you never know, he might have a blast at the party, run himself ragged socialising with everyone there then sleep like a little log all the way home without waking!

I think you are looking for reasons not to go, but you need to suck it up and go and make the effort!

paisleyleaf · 19/06/2009 21:36

I think the earlier suggestion of leaving 7-7.30pm makes the most sense. Then DS can go to sleep and you don't have to worry about keeping him awake in the car.

mumeeee · 19/06/2009 21:44

YABU. It's a family party and your DS will cope with the change of routine. I have a large family and we tend to all get togehter for special events. When my DD's were small we just used to put them in thier Pj's before putting in the car for the return journey. We never said we couldn't go. In fact my DB and Dsis did the same with thier children.

trixymalixy · 20/06/2009 00:23

YABU, get him in his jammies before you leave and hope he falls asleep and doesn't wake up when you transfer.

DH's parents live about 3 hours away from us and we always travel back at DS's bedtime. Sometimes he falls asleep, sometimes he doesn't.

It's one night of a messed up routine and seeing family you don't see very often is more important IMHO.

sb6699 · 20/06/2009 00:39

Sorry YABU. We regularly pile our 3 dcs into the car and drive 8 hours to Glasgow overnight. Yes, it does break their routine but they soon settle back into it and if they get really fractious we pull into a service station and let them out for a little while.

I do understand your feelings towards your FIL (my dad is like this) but surely for your wifes sake it wont hurt for you to make the effort.

purpleduck · 20/06/2009 00:42

OP, do yourself a favor, and start getting your child used to car journeys. It will make your life easier. Honest!

JodieO · 20/06/2009 00:47

Sorry but why can't dw go on her own? It's always the men getting slated on here and it's so annoying, women/men same difference just people see it in different ways.

I wouldn't go or I'd leave early, I have 3 children too so not "pfb".

sb6699 · 20/06/2009 01:09

Jodie, its not about him being a man, I just think that if his dw doesnt have a particularly great relationship with her father, it would be moral support if her dh went with her.

My dad sounds like hers. Apparently he was too busy to come and visit his newborn dgc's but now although we havent really fallen out, because I havent went to visit him he hasnt spoken to me for nearly 2 years. I'm not really bothered but the OPs dw obviously is.

My dh has offered to take me up there if I want to go (even though he thinks he's an arse of the highest order and it would mean him losing wages and stuff) because at the end of the day he is my dad and if I want a relationship with him he;ll do all he can to facilitate that. I thought that was such a heartwarming gesture from my dh that I felt his dw would appreciate it to.

SerendipitousHarlot · 20/06/2009 09:08

She could go on her own, but surely he should support her? I would say the same if it was the other way round, I assure you Jodie

purepurple · 20/06/2009 09:15

children need to be able to cope with changes in routine
husbands and wives need to do things they don't really want to do to support their partners

YABU

2rebecca · 20/06/2009 09:17

Won't other family members be there his wife knows and gets on with though? Understandable she wants company if she really won't know anyone else there except dad, but some people like to have "their" family at social occasions to show them off only to then go off and chat to other folk leaving the family they'd dragged along a bit stranded. This trip isn't in the baby's interests. I think drag it along if everyone has to go, but I wouldn't have dragged my husband and baby to a party 3 hours away unless I needed my husband there.

SomeGuy · 20/06/2009 11:27

Surely you'd struggle to take more than 2 and a half hours to get from anywhere in Norfolk to Chigwell. The last section of roads are very fast.

Blu · 20/06/2009 13:11

It takes me 3.5 hours to drive from S London to N Norfolk.

zanz1bar · 20/06/2009 15:20

You don't want to go, fine

BUt don't use the baby as an excuse.

I had the same situation but in revese.
Parents in norfolk, we lived in london and did the trip at least once a month...easy.
Sometimes stayed over, sometimes just for sunday lunch, just needed to get out of london.

twopeople · 20/06/2009 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

giveloveachance · 20/06/2009 18:47

Well, I wonder if you went?

Its never easy contemplating 6 hours in the car on one day with a baby, but it is do-able. If you know your little one howls in the car then that can be a nightmare, so timing is crucial, he will have to be tired out and full up for the return journey.

Think I would have done what a few others have said, gone along but left early after having fed, changed and put baby into jammies so he sleeps all the way home - and if he wakes on getting transferred from car to house, let your wife deal with him and try very very hard not to say I told you so!

or if money was not a problem, I'd have stayed the night somewhere close by and made a weekend of it.

SerendipitousHarlot · 20/06/2009 21:47

He didn't go, I don't think because I've seen him posting on another thread a few minutes ago.

SarahL2 · 21/06/2009 07:51

We took DS to the zoo yesterday. He had an extra nap in the car on the way there, missed his afternoon nap cause he was too busy running around with my cousins children all day then fell asleep in the car on the way home having had a make-shift "dinner" of left-over picnic. Transferred him to bed with only a small amount of grumpyness when we got home and he slept till his normal time this morning. He's currently happy and full of energy playing with his cars - no harm done.

Breaking the routine every now and again is not the end of the world. We all had a fab day and are now back to normal

Goblinchild · 21/06/2009 08:25

One bright thought Aeschylus, kept me going for the 7 years necessary. How old is her father?
My in-laws are a lot less bother now they're dead.
He sounds like a similar control freak to my MIL.
Didn't like the sexism bit on this thread, if the genders were reversed and all that...what difference should it make?
I'd grit your teeth and go, it will help you in the future if your son isn't too locked into a routine that everything has to be planned around him. They are tougher and more adaptable than you think.

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