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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have shoplifted from Morrisons today....

159 replies

Tryharder · 18/06/2009 18:10

I walked to Morrisons this morning with DS2 in his pushchair. Only intended to buy a couple of things but as you do, kept piling things into the basket so I had loads to carry. At the end, picked up some jellies that were on special offer but had no room for them in my basket so balanced them on top of the pushchair and went to pay.

As I literally was walking out of the store, I looked down and saw these jellies still wedged in the pushchair in the folds of the hood (iyswim) - had totally forgotten to pay for them.

Anyway, I should have gone straight back in again and either paid for the jellies or handed them in at the customer services desk.

But, I thought oh feck it, Morrisons get enough of my hard-earned cash as it is and they can afford it and just continued out the store...

I am being unreasonable, aren't I?

OP posts:
makipuppy · 19/06/2009 11:33

I do believe it's relevant here that OP's son is in a pushchair. It's unlikely he would have learned much from seeing his mum go back into the seething scrum shop.

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/06/2009 11:38

Well, we'll have to agree to differ there, makipuppy. As I said, I wouldn't have felt so able to get cross with ds1 about shoplifting a packet of sweets if I knew that I'd done something similar myself.

TsarChasm · 19/06/2009 11:39

One thing to bear in mind with honesty is protecting a good reputation which is a very valuable thing to have in your possession.

If you got into trouble for something minor it could keep cropping up again and again through your life ie job applications, applying for positions of trust etc.

In time it the smallness of the misdemeanor becomes irrelevant. Your superiors will only see the fact that you did it and it may go against you.

Not really worth all the hassle for a packet of sweeties really...but I do see how easily it can haapen. Quite a few times I've balanced shopping on the pushchair hood and nearly forgotten it.

Bumpsadaisie · 19/06/2009 12:01

Personally, I would return whatever it was once I had got home and discovered it (though probably I wouldn't make a special journey back to do so but would wait till my next trip if it was something very trivial).

There is however a distinction, legally (and morally in my view) between actively stealing a packet of jellies and finding you have inadvertently walked out of the shop with them.

This distinction is recognized in law. To be convicted of a criminal offence such as theft it is necessary to prove two separate elements: (1) that an illegal act was committed (as it was in this case) but also (2) that the intention to commit the illegal act it was present (which it wasn't in this case). There is possibly an argument that the necessary "intention" came into existence at the point that the OP decided to hang on to the jellies rather than return them, but I still think a prosecutor would have a hard time getting the OP sent down on this one!

Bumps x

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/06/2009 12:20

The OP discovered the jellies before she left the shop, Bumpsadaisie, and then walked out with them, so in this case one could argue both that a crime had been committed and that the intent was there.

SouthMum · 19/06/2009 12:47

SSG - "But SouthMum, children learn far more by example than by what we tell them. If I had walked off with the odd small item from a shop and not gone back and paid for it, how could I have taken the moral high ground when ds1 got caught shoplifting? Especially if he had been able to ask me why it was ok for me to do it and not for him."

SSG - I doubt the kid would have realised thats what happened tbh. In any other case I would say to the kid "oh dear look what mummys done, I'll take them back next time I go, make sure you stay true and never do this etc etc blah blah" but would I take them back? Hell no. Whats the harm done - All I would have done is told a white lie to my kid (as we all do or will at some point). If he robs a bag of sweets when he is older will I kick off - yes, but there again you show me one kid who has never pinched anything from a shop and I'll eat my arse.

If I have a DD one day will I tell her I used to go out every weekend tarting it? No, will I tell her not to do it - oh yes!!!

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/06/2009 13:04

Well, Southmum, I think neither of us is going to convince the other - so shall we agree to differ? And unless I did it when I was a tiny child and don't remember, I have never pinched anything from a shop, and I want it to stay that way.

Of course, sods law dictates that I will now become a mad old lady who nicks all sorts of ridiculous stuff from the shops on a daily basis, and fills her house to the rafters with boxes of tampons and vitamin supplements for athletes!

SouthMum · 19/06/2009 13:09

LOL SSG - if I see that on the news tonight.....

Agree to disagree it is

Hang on.....thats not in the spirit of AIBU is it?

NO SSG I demand you come round to my way of thinking damn you!!!!!

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/06/2009 13:13

How very dare you SouthMum - I vehemently protest my absolute right to hold onto my own views and to insist that you recognise that I am right about absolutely EVERYTHING!! [flounce]

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/06/2009 13:14
Original poster
Tryharder · 19/06/2009 13:38

I'm afraid I can't take the jellies back as they have already been eaten but I promise I will put a £1 in the next charity box I see.

OP posts:
SouthMum · 19/06/2009 13:41

Its ok Tryharder, join SSG and myself in a chorus of kum baa yah (sp?) and all will be forgiven.

Did they taste nice btw? I was right wasn't I? Forbidden sweets always taste nicer......

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/06/2009 13:45

Actually, on reflection, perhaps the most unreasonable thing that you did was to nick jellies and not something nice like chocolate! And the second most unreasonable thing was not to share with the rest of us. And the third most unreasonable thing was to come here and tell us so we all want sweeties!!

Original poster
Tryharder · 19/06/2009 13:48

Thanks Southmum. There were one or two quite harsh comments but luckily I'm thick-skinned and was expecting a bit of an AIBU roasting anyway.

OP posts:
tomblidad · 19/06/2009 14:57

i think the majority of posts have been too puritanical. the supermarkets regularly fail to get the price right (eg when bogof offers arent processed). When they discover the computer isnt procesing the offer correctly do you think they bother to try track down every customer who has paid the wrong price and ensure that they get a refund? no, because the effort involved wouldnt be proportionate to the amount of money involved.

if the customer service desk is anything like my local tesco's then tryharder would have to queue up for 20 minutes to return the jellies. until the supermarkets invest more in their customer services desks (which they wont because that would just encourage us to take back products when they go-off to soon or claim our money back when we're charged too much) then I see no reason why tryharder should have to waste her time sorting this out.

giving the cost of the jellies to charity is sufficient imho.

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/06/2009 15:08

But two wrongs don't make a right, tomblidad - not in my book anyway. Tesco's morality is up to them, I won't use it as an excuse for bad behaviour on my part.

I have no doubt that the shop my son shoplifted from had made mistakes and hadn't made the effort to track down the customers involved - but I didn't see that as any reason to excuse what ds1 did - and to his credit, neither did he. He made no excuse for his bad behaviour, admitted he should have known better and shouldn't have followed his friend's example, and took the punishments that the school and we gave him without a murmur.

makipuppy · 19/06/2009 15:20

Where I live now I'm forced to shop at Lidl and I sometimes feel it would be fairer to all if I took things back after I've paid for them.

tallulahbelly · 19/06/2009 15:30

You're beating yourself up over a packet of jelly sweets?

And all this time I've been thinking you stole a pair of those plastic sandals my mother refused to let me have when they were the height of punk fashion.

Now, that would have been worth the sleepless nights [wink}

Not that I ever did, of course

Alishanty · 19/06/2009 15:32

Well things do have a way of working themselves out. I walked out of Lidl's with a jar of peanut butter and a tin of dog food under the baby car seat without realising. I didn't take them back and the next week I lost a tenner! Now I am very careful to check for rougue items that may have escaped my attention!

tomblidad · 19/06/2009 15:33

stayingsunny, your ds I assume deliberately shoplifted? tryharder didnt,

some "wrongs" are fairly trivial. this is one of them. your son's wasn't.

life, unfortunately, is just too short to spend trying to sort out every trivial wrong,

PuppyMonkey · 19/06/2009 15:34

Crikey, MNers are so.... hardline.

I would have done the same as the OP I reckon. The difference being I wouldn't have told anyone else about it, especially not on MN.

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/06/2009 15:41

Tryharder did walk out of the shop knowing she'd an item she hadn't paid for - that was deliberate, Tomblidad.

JemL · 19/06/2009 15:52

YANBU.

The fact that you are thinking about it now is evidence you are not a hardened criminal.

bumptwitknocker · 19/06/2009 19:10

Wouldn't mind too much if you'd only noticed when you got home, and didn't want to go all the way back to Morrisons again, but if you knew you were shoplifting...
Bit immoral.

tisa · 19/06/2009 19:20

It was an accident but as you were still in Morrisons when you realised then you should have gone back an paid.
But it is done now so forget about it and don't stress about it.