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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get really annoyed at people saying my ds should be potty training by now??

74 replies

PrammyMammy · 18/06/2009 17:51

It's making me so sad, i feel like throwing the potty at them.

My ds is 17 mo. He really wouldn't last without a nappy. He has only been walking 3 months and he just seems so young. But he is my pfb so what do i know??

MIL started when he was 6 months, saying if he can sit unaided he can use a potty.

Now my own mum is at it. She says she had us potty trained at 18 months and i am going to make problems for myself.

My dn (sisters daughter) was potty training now, and did it with great success. She could also walk at 9mo, talk at 10mo etc, and that is all i am hearing.

It upsets me because it feels like they are putting ds and myself down. I avoid visiting them just because of the comments now.

OP posts:

DrEvil · 18/06/2009 22:29

OP, my pfb wasn't trained until he was past 3! That said he did it in 2 days and within a week he was dry at night too. I did try periodically from about 2yrs but he just wasn't ready.

Ds2 is 2 yrs 4 months and isn't ready yet either, don't let others pressurise you your baby is still so tiny. They really do do everything in their own sweet time.

OptimistS · 18/06/2009 22:32

Prammy, hope this makes you feel better, but my HV told me that the absolute earliest you could expect to potty train a child is 18 months. Before this time they simply do not have the sphincter control to co-operate, even if they knew what was expected of them and wanted to do it.

She also said that in her experience (more than 20 years), the most successful/quick results came about when parents waited until the child was able to talk about the potty and expressed an interest in using it. She recommended optimum time being the summer after the child turns 2 (so in some cases, that will be very nearly 3 years of age), and never to worry about it unless the child was approaching school age.

My DD is now 2.5. Followed HV's advice and barring the occasional accident she's dry. Today, for example, she's been dry all day, same yesterday, but had a poo accident the day before. Her twin brother is nowhere near ready and I'm not going to force it. Now his sister is dry, he is becoming interested, so if I wait until he's really keen (I reckon another few months), I'm sure he'll master it just as quickly.

Good luck.

plonker · 18/06/2009 22:34

YANBU - they are being ridiculous, don't listen!!

They all do it in their own time whether that be at 17mo or 4yo.

Just watch your ds for signs of him being ready then go with him regardless of his age. If he isn't ready, he isn't ready. Forcing him to do it will just make things 10 times harder!

nicolamumof3 · 18/06/2009 22:38

YANBU...

DS2 only just started and he's 3.5yrs, went straight to toilet and knows what he's doing so was all v.painless. i had lots of similar comments but 17m, thats ridiculous!! ~DS3 is 23m and no where near ready.

GreatBallsOfFluff · 18/06/2009 22:39

YAsoNBU! - they are.

17mo is far too early. I started DD at 2.5 but she wasn't interested, however due to everyone elses "mine were 18mo etc" I persisted, stressing both me and DD out. I gave up after a while, and at 3years 3months old, she got the hang of it just like that!

They all do it in their own time.

Gmac2009 · 18/06/2009 22:46

I listened when people told me my DS should be trained from 2.
We started to train him and after 6 months of pants but loads of accidents - up to 5 a day - we stopped torturing him and put him back in nappies.
He's now 2yr 8m and much happier. And so are we.
Don't listen to the nonsense...

plimple · 18/06/2009 22:57

17 months, is that all!
We started to sit DD on the pot at around 18/19 months, but I never called it training. Just getting used to. Took months to actually do a wee, meanwhile it was a nice place to sit for tv/story. I am now "training" her. She's just turned 2 and is doing well, but it's at her own pace. She has accidents, but she also tells me when she needs a wee and will get to the pot herself if she's got no knickers on.
She'll be a big sister in September/October so I want her ready by then. That's the only pressure from my point of view, setting an age limit seems a bit silly.

tinkerbelle200 · 18/06/2009 23:01

yanbu, my dd is 2.3 and i wont even bother to try now. my MIL did the same to me and i tried it at 18 months and DD was terrified of even sitting on the potty after she saw what was in it the first time she had a poo in the potty. the will do it when they are ready, its not like they will be 18 and still in nappies!!

Lotster · 18/06/2009 23:02

My son just cracked it in a week at 2 years 10 months, I was dreading it but was so pleased he was so quick and think he wouldn't have been so successful earlier. As others have said 17 months is very young.

Don't forget those in the previous generation who claimed we were potty trained by 10 months or such bollocks had less to achieve in a day (sweeping generalisation!!) and probably put babies on the potty every 10 mins as opposed to today's training which focuses on kids ability to hold it themselves.

mumeeee · 18/06/2009 23:07

YANBU. Most children are not ready to be potty trianed before the age of 2 and a lot are nearer 3.

StarlightMcKenzie · 18/06/2009 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Meglet · 18/06/2009 23:28

My ds is 2.7 and still in nappies. We tried potty training last month but he just happily pee-d in his pants all the time and wasn't at all worried by it. He is good at using the potty and toilet, but has no desire to hold it in for long enough to only use them and get rid of nappies for good. The toilet routine is one big game for him and he would happily wee, flush, wash hands for hours if he could..... Then he'd walk straight out and pee on the floor again .

sayithowitis · 18/06/2009 23:28

I had the same sort od 'advice' from my mum about DS1. However, because I am a stroppy so and so, I waited until I thought he was ready. It happened that we had a particularly nice spring that year ( he was 2yrs 6mth) and I just left him to run around with no nappy. The potty was available and when he wet his leg the first time I just said maybe he would like to use the potty next time so he wouldn't get wet feet. He had one 'accident' about three days later and after that, never needed a daytime nappy again. He was dry at night within a few weeks. OTOH, a friend whose DS was the same age, started potty training her DS at 18 months. He was finally dry at the same time as my DS!

Who wants to be making children paranoid by chasing them round with a potty all the time? I didn't and thankfully, the approach I chose to adopt worked well with both my boys.

You decide when your DS is ready and when you are ready.

Good luck.

Lotster · 18/06/2009 23:31

quick aside - how do you know when it's time to try night time without a nappy? I'd hate to leave him wetting himself all night if it didn't work. I would have thought when his nappy is dry in the morning as the obvious answer, but what if subconciously they know they're wearing one so pee in it IYSWIM??

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 19/06/2009 08:02

imo you can't night train them.

ds1 was 7 before he was dry and we still have a rare accident.
dd is 5 and ds2 4 and both not dry at night yet.

ReneRusso · 19/06/2009 08:27

Lotster. If the nappy is dry in the morning for about a week, then I would try without one. Otherwise I wouldn't bother (unless he's 14 ). Put a pee sheet on the bed to protect the mattress. Doesn't really matter if he wets, as long as you're not cross with him for it.

Babieseverywhere · 19/06/2009 08:51

It is possible to introduce a potty early and it is also possible to have a dry, clean year old or 18 month old BUT he is your son and if you do not wish to start with a potty now, that is your choice as a mother and your choice should be respected.

Your DM and DMIL raised their kids, their way and now it is your turn to be a parent and to do it the best way for you and your child.

I would mention what you have put here, that you are avoiding visiting them because of the negative comments and see if that makes a difference.

Good Luck.

giveloveachance · 19/06/2009 09:02

I know what you mean! Everyone seems to have an opinion as to when they should use the potty.

The best advice is always when you and your child are ready!!

The later you leave it the quicker it will be from what i have seen from relatives and friends - and read here.

If you start too early you have lots of accidents and the toddler may not want to do it. If you start when they show an interest - or start to want their nappies off more - then it can take only a week.

I'm going for the leave it till we are both ready approach! DD over two and only just reliably telling me when she has wee'd so I guess in the next few weeks she might be able to tell me before she wants to and they we will go for it!

glaskham · 19/06/2009 09:12

I took the lead from both my older DC's (DD2 only 4mths so not there yet)...

DS was very advanced on potty training, but even from a young age he was dry most of the time, he was fully potty trained by 23mths...

DD1 was however more bothered about other things than her wet nappy, and had her first wee on the potty at 2y 3mths... she's only just progressing to the toilet now at 3y 2m!!

I'm not bothered when my DC's are potty trained as long as its their choice and they aren't being forced... and luckily both have been before nursery age.

At 17mths i had a potty in the living room with DS but he didn't have a clue what it was until a week or so before he decided to be potty trained. He was the first of my group of friends DC's to be potty trained and i was shocked at it being so early even at nearly 2yo!!

Take potty training at your own and your DS's pace!! Its not up to anyone else!!

HSMM · 19/06/2009 09:25

Most children are about 3 yrs old and some are older (obviously some are younger). By all means let him run round in the garden in the summer in a long T shirt and no pants, with a potty on show - you never know. If you force him before he is ready, you will just have months of stress and anxiety for both of you.

HSMM · 19/06/2009 09:33

and I took my DD out of night time nappies when she told me she didn't need them any more. No wet beds.

Stigaloid · 19/06/2009 09:34

Girls tend to poty train quicker than boys and 17 months really is early. If you push too soon you could end up making a rod for your own back. I'd throw the potty at them and leave your DS in nappies until he and you are ready to do potty training.

TsarChasm · 19/06/2009 09:36

17 mths is still v young imo. Our mother's generation do often say they started ridiculously early, my mum uded to say all that too. But I suspect that they probably don't remember that it probably didn't work out for ages either .

With my dc I left it quite late. I'm sure they were over 3 iirc. Anyway, they were virtually telling me they were ready and so they picked it up pretty quickly.

There's no hurry. You say he's your first 'so what do i know??' As his mummy you know a LOT! Certainly better than mil or anyone else. Trust your instinct.

Lotster · 19/06/2009 13:19

thanks for the nightime advice!

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