Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

birthday party for DD3 !- DH is furious with me!

96 replies

drlove8 · 17/06/2009 11:58

because ive booked a party bus for DD3'S 11th birthday! ...it is quite expensive and she can only have 12 "guests" ... need to explain a bit. Last year dd3 had a bithday party booked in a local kids play area, sort of indoor adventure playgrond place, she had the "disco" party booked... and we handed out the invites. DD4 came home from school that day crying - none of her friends would be able to go because another little girl's mum had decided to throw a massive party/bbq at her new 5 bedroom house , they'd just moved in and the "parents were invited too" so of course DD3'S kids party looked a bit shit compared to that. we got one reply that dd3's best friend would go... one out of 30! the thing is the party was booked for dd3's actual birthday , the other wee girl's birthday was days later ... who also said to dd3 that her " party place was for babies" .... AGAIN this year the other wee girl has a party booked on DD3's birthday... but its at the "party place for babies!" .... so i thought bugger this im going to have something for dd3 thats extra special!... so i booked the party bus!... its booked at an earlier time than the other wee girls party and will end just before hers starts.... so the kids cam go to both parties if they choose to.... so am i being unreasonable ... i just dont want my wee DD3 in tears again on her birthday!

OP posts:
Original poster
drlove8 · 17/06/2009 13:07

i had already asked DH to get the day off work weeks before, to help on dd3's birthday... was i supposed to ask him to ask his boss if he could change that because of another kid?... but that was before i booked anything

OP posts:
shouldbeironing · 17/06/2009 13:11

Your DD sounds lovely - I hope she does have a lovely birthday. If you have booked it now there's no point debating it any more although I would have chosen the easier route and simply avoided a potential clash/hostilities myself - parties can easily be the following week for example.

If I were you, instead of debating it on MN, I would be ringing 3 or 4 mums of any closer friends to check that their children can make it to the party and you can point out about the bus being able to drop them off to the next party as they might not know this.

Original poster
drlove8 · 17/06/2009 13:13

katie - the other family arent "rich" - just ordinary.... they just happen to have moved into a bigger house. So not much social climbing going on there!

OP posts:
Original poster
drlove8 · 17/06/2009 13:18

Shouldbe the point i wanted to ask was AIBU because DH is furious at me spending money on dd3? not really the whole party thing really! that was just put up as the history so youd know the background to DH annoyance. i know 4 of dd3's freinds will defo be going as i have already spoken to the mums( they not at the same school btw)

OP posts:
Original poster
drlove8 · 17/06/2009 13:20

so should i be appologising to DH for spending my "pocket money" on dd3's birthday?

OP posts:
FAQinglovely · 17/06/2009 13:23

well on your latest question - as you also going to spend your pocket money on your other 7 DC's birthdays???

Original poster
drlove8 · 17/06/2009 13:25

well i always end up doing that tbh, just DH usually doesnt have a clue- he thinks im the worlds greatest bargain hunter! lol

OP posts:
ReneRusso · 17/06/2009 13:28

Personally i would schedule for a different day. But as for your actual question, about the cost of it, then no YANBU, I always spend far too much on my DCs birthday parties and its best for everyone if DH doesn't know how much.

Original poster
drlove8 · 17/06/2009 13:33

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR REPLIES!

OP posts:
shouldbeironing · 17/06/2009 13:34

OP sorry if I went off track - I think most of the replies are caught up on the party and not the financial side of this!!

I dont know if you are BU or not as each family has different ways of dealing with finances and different financial situation/priorities. My DH would probably have been mad with me if I hadnt at least mentioned it to him first - not just the finances but the choice of party etc is something he would like to at least know about not just be told it was happening.

Original poster
drlove8 · 17/06/2009 15:00

Shouldbeironing so i am a wee bit BU then, but i didnt think it would matter as i was spending my own money, not DH'S and its not comming out of the household budget or anything. Think id better have a wee chat with DH when he comes home from work then

OP posts:
Qally · 17/06/2009 15:12

If it's your money then it's not his decision, is it?

Also can't see what the drama is about. It's a party BUS so parents won't have to do more than drop off at yours and collect from the other girl's house. Isn't like you organised a direct clash. But maybe my son is too little for me to understand the issue.

NormaSknockers · 17/06/2009 15:16

YANBU to want your DD to have a lovely party & for her not to be upset but I do think YAB a bit U about the type of party, it seems an awful lot of money & a huge amount of fuss for an hour IYSWIM so I can kind of understand why your DH is a bit cross, even if it is your "pocket money" you're using to fund it.

When it comes to your other DCs birthdays who will be funding that? You or your DH? If your DH then it's a little unfair that you made such a effort for DD3 using your pocket money etc - do you know what I mean?

I know as a mum all we want to do is make our DC happy & give them lovely birthdays but I do think perhaps this has gotten a little out of hand, even though I can see why you want to do it.

Original poster
drlove8 · 17/06/2009 15:16

well Qally , thats what i was thinking ...but my issue is really with my DH being all grumpy about it .

OP posts:
Original poster
drlove8 · 17/06/2009 15:46

I always organise the DC'S birthday's, xmas ect... i always end up using my own money for them too, but DH rarely does.... and fair enough he provides for us all very well and he can do with his spare cash what he wants.

OP posts:
Morloth · 17/06/2009 16:22

I think you may be setting your DD for dissapointment. If the kid's are made to choose and they choose the other kid's party then that is going to crush her all over again.

TBH from the tone of your posts it does sound like a bit of a competition and if I were in your situation I would have possibly called the other mum and asked if she was planning something and if so when. No you don't have to, and you probably shouldn't have to, but for your DD's sake I hope some of the kids come to her party.

How much does something like that cost? My DH would go mental if I spent more than about a hundred quid on a kid's birthday party but that isn't likely to happen.

katiestar · 17/06/2009 16:23

How much does a party bus cost ,out of interest and what is it exactly ?

screamingabdab · 17/06/2009 16:24

Thank God my kids don't appear to give much of a toss about birthday parties.

Well-trained by their party-phobic mother

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/06/2009 16:32

i prefer not to have partys on a child birthday, they often get over tired/tearful etc

so nice to spend bday with family and then a party weekend before/after

how much did you spend? saw dh tyres were £500 and do you spend the same anout on each of your 8 children?

agree next year talk to the other mum a few months before and sort out dates

fwiw i dont mind doing 2partys in same day as long as dont have to get rid of siblings, so in this case not a problem

Qally · 17/06/2009 18:08

My dh gets really grumpy when I buy cashmere for ds, even though I get it from Ebay. Thing is, though, we have completely communal money. Separate accounts, but communal money. And he does ask me before buying books (£100 quidsworth at a time, he's a big collector, as well as reader) which is his main discretionary expense. So I can see why he gets irritated. If you have separate spends, and he buys things for himself guilt-free without checking, then it's totally up to you what you use your own for.

I have to say, though, that with 8 kids and 8 x £500 parties, that's 4 grand! You could hire a pretty fabulous villa (big loft with bunks for the kids, pool, near the sea...) somewhere Easyjet go for rather less cash, and tell each child to bring a friend. I know which I'd have preferred, even at 11, and you & dh could revel in it as well.

I feel old. Parties when I was a kid were pass the parcel and a buffet tea in the kitchen. Does everyone have a big fuss now?

NormaSknockers · 17/06/2009 18:51

Qally I'm still very much a fan of the pass the parcel, jelly & ice-cream party at home! That's exactly what we're doing for DD next week....although we are having a bouncy castle as a treat but only because a colleague of DH owns the company & is letting us have it for rick bottom price I think those parties are the best & really good fun, when DD goes beyond that age I may stretch to something like bowling but would suggest a sleepover would be more fun

Or am I just a boring old fart?

Qally · 17/06/2009 19:02

Oh thank God! Because I was quietly muttering "I'm bloody well having jelly & ice cream and pass the bloody parcel at home..." and them wondering if that was like my firm statements about how ds would be in his own cot from the word go, albeit in our room for the first 6 months, and none of this co-sleeping malarkey. (Guess where he's sleeping, at 8 months.) You know - theory vrs reality parenting.

I can now happily join you in the old farts' corner.

NormaSknockers · 17/06/2009 19:04

Take a seat my dear

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 17/06/2009 19:15

Qally - you buy your DS cashmere? And DH spends £100 a time on books. And drlove8's DP can afford £500 a time for alloy wheels and pay for party buses.

Bloody hell. DH and I both work full-time and we just about manage to buy clothes from the Outlet Centre twice a year, and run our (old) cars without all the fancy bits.

Morloth · 17/06/2009 19:19

Qally we do the old fashioned parties, though I do prefer to do them somewhere other than here, there just isn't enough space and I can't stand a bunch of kids in my house.

LightShinesInTheDarkness everyone is is different positions - not quite sure what you mean by your post?

Swipe left for the next trending thread