SIL very down on my DD - am I being PFB?

[GentlyDidIt]

DD is 6, and her next cousin by age is nearly 3 (then 5 more the same age or younger). Family get-togethers happen quite often.

DD is constantly being told off by everyone (including me!) Nothing major, just little things like all the kids running around the garden and getting a bit hyper - DD is the one told to set an example, "old enough to know better", etc. Or if a cake comes out, DD has to wait until last for similar reasons.

Broadly I don't mind, as she does need to learn consideration & care for younger ones (esp as we have another baby on the way )

However my SIL can be quite cruel in her discipline at times, particularly if she feels her DCs (2, and 9 months) have been unfairly treated. It's not "Don't do that please..." to DD, it's always "For God's sake!" If the kids are running around and they all fall over in a pile, it's always DD's fault. She does things like handing out packets of sweets for her DC in front of DD and then rolling her eyes saying "Oh dear, I SUPPOSE we ought to give some to GentlyDD, look at her grumpy face." when actually DD is just watching quietly.

This week all the little ones were telling "stories" around the table and when her DC1 told his very cute story, DD giggled a bit and SIL snapped "Don't be horrible, he's trying his best." DD wasn't being mean, she just found it cute.

I feel like yelling "My DD is 6 not 14!" DD gets quite withdrawn when SIL is around as she senses a dislike coming from her (as do I). It seems to me that what is actually a bit of age-appropriate immaturity from DD is being interpreted as deliberate malice. DD has never so much as pushed in front of her cousins, let alone hurt them or called them names.

SIL get on famously apart from this and it's getting to a point where I want to ask her what's going on.

I suspect this problem is as old as the hills. Anyone with more experience tell me whether I'm BU and how to handle it?

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

Its better that your DD sees you standing up for her even if it means your SIL gets worse. A nd if that happens you need to cut contact and tell SIL why.