To think that this is totally inappropiate at work. (or anywhere but the privacy of your own home) Contains sexual freakery.

[MolestingMyManequins]

Please bear with me, I've just finished a night shift and should be in bed.

I work shifts in a large 24hr supermarket as the clothing manager. We've been having a few issues with a member of my team coming in really earlier and then hanging around the store for hours after her shift finishes. Last night I was supposed to finally have a chat with her and find out what was going on.

I entered the clothing warehouse, all was dark and quiet as usual but I could here shuffling and moaning. Fully expecting to discover two members of staff at it, I crept round to where the noise was coming from and found the above mentioned woman in a rather awkward position with a clothing manequin. She'd obviously been at it for a while as she was flustered and in a state of undress. Not knowing what to say I left the warehouse and asked her to come to my office when she had 'finished' (said sarcastically but she took it seriously and rocked up HALF AN HOUR later)

I told how wrong it was and that if she was caught at it again she would be disciplined.

The problem is, even though the manequins are not used by us anymore, they are still on my stock list and I've been getting in trouble from senior management because of the state of them, they are in the warehouse and were stored in fine condition but now they have broken arms, legs and scuffs all over them, hair has been pulled out and they are in a mess. It seems she has been playing with them for ages. I don't want to embarrass her by telling management what's gone on but It looks bad on me.

What do I do? I haven't handled the situation well and I'm really quite angry at her using my stock as a sex aid.

I think you might find she must like the strong silent types

You definitely need to speak to someone

havent you got cctv?
there could be an opening in the market for mannequin porn

I know where she lives. I might leave one on her doorstep for her, she'll know it's from me, but we won't have to have the awkward discussion that is bound to come up if I offer her one.

We have CCTV but not in the spot she uses. If she wants to put it on the internet that's her own personal choice. I won't have any part in it.

I have an awful feeling that this will all come out at work as it is, without putting her on the internet.

Some mannequins are surprisingly hot

Of course I wee in warehouses, but then I only frequent the more superior warehouse what has facilities.

And she ain't dry humping if she's leaving a residue.

Tell me, MMM, does she have big hands, an awkward gait and an Adam's apple? She may not be a lesbian at all, strictly speaking.

She is definitely female.

she won;t need one left on the doorstep.

have you actually counted how many you had/have now??

and have you been into her house recently??

she might have her very own version of madame tusauds starting up....

Oh god this is so funny in a 'ha ha' and a peculiar way!

How did she react when you told her off?
She must have been mortified. I feel a bit sorry for her.

Well now I'm confused about the residue.
Perhaps it's snot, she might have a col

OMG

Swine flu!

She could be giving your mannequins pig flu! Can they be swabbed and oh SHIT what about STIs? Your mannequins could have the clap

Crumbs.

Ooh you want shot of bitch quick before she gives you crabs or gets you sacked.

but if you had some at home why would you come to work on hour early and leave an hour later? Surely you'd rather 'do it' in the comfort of your own home?

Sorry to appear insensitive to your dilemma, but I haven't laughed as much and as loudly in a long time - especially at the po faced 'violation of health and safety...' comment!

yeah, but maybe she is like those who need the 'danger' aspect to tunr her on properly.

maybe she cannot get enough 'residue' going at home......

She could be pregnant. Or the mannequins could. Is any of them looking fat?

Imagine. Leetle hybrid part plastic dolly-like babies.

OMG

This is how Baby Farking Annabel was created, wasn't it?

Ugh.

The mannequins don't have pubic hair, do you really think they could have crabs?

but they do have some type of hair tho, you said so in your OP.

she could have been sitting on their faces too you know.

are any found lying down??

They have head hair and eyebrows.

And how do you know it isn't the mannequins abusing her?

I hope you don't wander about the warehouse alone at night MMM. You could be next for the orgy of hot lesbo plastic love.

they may also have lice then too.

and scabies

and ticks

she is using them as a creepy crawly factory, not only as sexual toys......

Which supermarket? Bet it was Asda!

The whole situation has made me very uncomfortable and I just want to cry.

What have I done to deserve this behaviour from her? How could she? Things like this don't happen in real life and especially not to a nice, normal person, who has sex in a bed with a man not made of plastic and has pubic hair, lady like me. How dare she put me in such an awful situation.

Sainsburys.

she has a problem, you need to be understanding.

and shoot her dead

No back sack and crack for Mr MMM then?

I think you need to sit her down, perhaps with a cup of tea and a nice biscuit and gently explain that her enjoyment of supermarket stock may be construed as 'misuse of company property' and she could end up getting an oral warning.

Try not to scream YOU RANCID WHORE at her, and Dettox the seat after she's gone. Incinerate the tea cup.