Am I being unreasonable

[janesright]

When 2 people in my office are talking in a foreign language when I question them to ask to talk English they look at me as if I am talking urdu ??

If they are not speaking to you then why does it matter what language they are using?

kat - fins speak swedish or maybe she is a swede and speaks finish

but i remember her saying to me that she doesnt speak her native language

what VinegarTits said

I think it is a bit rude in the same way that whispering in front of other people is a bit rude. It makes the other person feel uncomfortable because they might wonder if they are the subject of the conversation, and that is why it needs to be said in a way that they cannot hear or understand it. It's nothing to do with zenophobia at all, it's just a question of good/bad manners.

YABU

They are not talking to you so you don't need to understand or hear them.

GoodWitch - what you say is true but why should the conversation be anything to do with OP?

Work-related or not, I'm certainly not privy to all my colleagues' conversations, neither would I want to be, and I wouldn't for a second just assume that because a conversation is in another language, that it MUST be about me. I'm not that important!

When I was living in France, my French wasn't all that great. So at work, the English teachers tended to speak to me in English and I would reply.

It gave me a break from speaking French all the time. It's really exhausting trying to learn a new language!

No-one ever came up to us and demanded that we speak in French. In fact, the French accepted me and my family completely. They couldn't have been nicer. It's only twunts like the OP who seem to have an issue.

I wonder if, when she goes into a shop on a foreign holiday, she speaks English with her family, or the local lingo out of consideration for them?

I think it depends on how many people in the room, how close they are to you, whether they normally speak English and then just switch to a different language for certain conversations or certain parts of conversation, etc.

E.g. if there are just the OP and the 2 others in the room, and they suddenly started talking in a different language for no apparent reason, the OP might think maybe it was because they were talking about her (maybe, not necessarily, but enough to make her feel uncomfortable).

It's probably not that she wants to hear their conversation, but just more that no-one likes to be singled out and excluded because it makes them wonder why, the same way as if people are constantly whispering around you, you might begin to wonder and feel uncomfortable.

YABU and YANBU, depending on the context.

If the three of you are sat about drinking coffee (a time when you wuold be expecting to chat) and they speak together in a language you don't understand then it is a bit rude because they are excluding you.

If you are supposed to be working then they can communicate however they like.

Why would she say that they looked at her as if she spoke urdu? That's not the correct terminology for that particular phrase. Why single out Urduism?

I'm smelling a racist and it stinks!

Having said that, if there are 2 people who both speak the same non-English language and it is just easier for them to talk to each other in their own language and they do it all the time, then obviously it shouldn't be a problem to the OP - it is just a case of figuring out whether it is them being rude or just them being friends/colleagues who have a language in common.

Hard to tell from the OP, but I do think there can be an element of it being a bit rude in some circumstances, and the OP perhaps is in one of those circumstances and shouldn't be flamed for asking the question.

However, it may be a T... and in which case I am wasting my e-breath, but hey ho, such is life...

yes you are being nosy.

Are they cutting you out of some loop that you need to be in? If not, then be grateful,it's easier to tune out blah blah blah in a foreign language. It'd probably kill you if you understood it. Mortgage rates, what's for dinner, secondary schools...

MIND YOU, Two temps on a 6 month contract brought into deal with a backlog used to sit in my office chatting away in Spanish. I earwigged every fascinating word of their conversation, and it was interesting. They talked about who they'd like to shag, who they suspected had shagged,, and they were also undertaking a fairly indepth and brutally unforgiving character analysis on everybody else working in the office. I felt after 6 weeks that it was too late to say 'em my mum is Spanish and I can understand 90% of what you're saying". Sometimes it's better to just earwig.

YABU - if they were having a conversation in their own language between the two of them which was nothing to do with you then why let it bother you? I work in an environment where people speak their first language (Welsh) to eachother all the time and it doesn't bother me one bit.

Would you complain in France if french people talked to eachother in French?

"it is discriminatory and can be the basis of a harrasment case if taken to the extreme as they are purposefully excluding you from conversations and making you feel ommitted within your working environment."

what utter nonsense.

Message withdrawn

If you're not a T - then it's possible YABU and possible YANBU depending on the circumstances - as many people have said. If you are a T - then you are just plain bloody annoying and certainly not reasonable.

MaggieBee - always fun isn't it! It's really not wise to assume that someone else doesn't speak your language How you managed not to laugh at times though I don't know!

my mother tells a funny story about a time way back in the 60's when se sat on the tube and discussed with her sister how good looking chap opposite was in french.

bloke gets up at his stop and basically says ladies, never presume you are the only people who speak french... i think she nearly died!

I think in all situations people should speak in a manner that all can understand, whether it be language or volume. My mother is an expat and has to ask little groups of Italian/German/Danish to bear in mind that they may at times be a majority group and that English is understood by all. If the group is evenly mixed then all is fair!

I think it is rude. It can make you feel very uncomfortable to hear people talking near you and not know what they are saying.

If it so private they don't want you to hear, take it elsewhere or leave it non-work hours.

It can be rude but is not always so.

If they are a couple of friends in a fairly big office, having a quick chat then YABU.

If you are a small team and they always speak in a foreign language then YANBU.

I went to a local class a few years ago and it was predominately Urdu speaking. I felt pretty excluded as I couldnt understand what everyone was talking about. But there was no malice involved.

But I have always thought if very odd when folk get all het up because people insist on speaking their first language when they feel like it. I even know people who complain about Deaf colleagues using sign language!

I know its a real cheek what with your average Brit's enthusiasm for learning new languages. All those expats who take the time to learn Spanish, Greek etc

I'm guilty of doing it I'm afraid. We have one non welsh speaking person in our office and I find it really difficult to switch to english just because she happens to be about especially if its nothing that concerns her. Luckily she's ok with this.

I find a lot of the Welsh people I work with will switch to English if I am there, most of them don't realise that I don't mind. Maybe I don't mind so much because I can understand a lot of what is being said anyway. I suppose I am at an advantage having had Welsh lessons fromm a young age.

like Chegirl says it's never malicious and when my non welsh speaking/understanding friends get worked up about it I do find it a bit weird that they get so offended by it.

Almost all of the Welsh speakers I work with have Welsh as their first language and they just find it easier to speak to eachother in Welsh.

Ca m'enerve pas quand les autres parlent entre eux dans une autre langue. C'est adorable d'entendre des moyens differents de communiquer.