already know I am a bit, but want to know what the schoolyard mums are thinking...

[clemette]

I have made a career decision which is essentially a very selfish one. I am happy with it, DH is supportive, and my friends are positive, but I would like to know what other mums feel about it, so I can be prepared for whatever is said to my face (or behind my back) by those I might meet in the future (DD due to start full-time school in January)...

I have two children, DD is 4 and DS is 16 months. With DD I worked fulltime as a teacher and have since gone down to 4 days a week. I enjoy work, earn a good wage and my children are happy at nursery. I have decided, however, to give up work to go back to university full-time to do a medical degree. This is my childhood dream and it has taken a great deal of work to get onto the course. But it does mean I will be away from my children full-time durin the week (and in 2 years I won't get the school holidays off) without bringing any money into the house.

So - will I attract more negative judgements than I do already as a WOHM? Can such selfishness ever be justifiable to mums that I don't know well?

I've just submitted my PhD and dd starts school this Sep. I have had some judgey-pantedness not so much about dd being in childcare (although that happens occaisionally) but mainly because I am inflicting this on my family and not even earning any money (although I did have a grant which was largely spent on said chidcare). There are people, especially older people, who consider my dh to be a total martyr which can get old

I know a few people who went to med/vet school later in life. If only I weren't so squeamish I'd like to have done medicine.

It seems that some people feel that is is somehow 'cheating' to still follow dreams when you are a Responsible Parent. Good luck

Oh wow I am seriously impressed!
And anyone who bitches about you in the school yard ain't worth giving headspace too.

Best of luck with your study

I think you are a wonderful and incredibly brave person for pursuing your dream. And your children will respect that one day !! More power to you, and hope you do very well in your life!!

I wouldn't give a flying f*ck what other people think.

You go girl - am v v v impressed.

Good luck with your degree.

Why would you (or anyone else) assume that school-gate mothers are going to stand around bitching about you?

As a school-gate mother I find that pretty annoying. We're just women, you know. Some of us are nice, some aren't. We're not all signed up to evening classes in Small-Minded Idiocy.

Good point policywonk. The only school gate mums I've met have been fab. And I'm one too.

Do you actually get negative comments now BTW? I don't, or at least I'm never there to hear them if I do DH on school run duty now.

And he certainly wouldn't bitch...

goodness me, clematte. ONly read op, but stop worrying what other people will think.

When you're studying full time you will never be at the school gates. It will not matter a bit.

I don't think that anyone with an opinion worth listening to will be in the least bit interested in gossiping about you
Don't worry about it

I think it's cool. I know a couple of mums that have completely changed careers after having children and admire them so much.

I would love to study something medical but am too squeamish!

I am so envious of you - I have the same dream, but it's not going to become a reality for me - good for you

I can't see why anyone would be bitchy to you, my BIL is a junior doctor, all anyone ever asks him is about their own or their dc's ailments!

Anyway, you'll be too busy to care.

Very best of luck with it all!

I think it's amazing. You won't be away from your kids any more than most FT WOHM's and at the end of it all you'll be in an amazing and inspirational position.

You are over thinking it I think - you're OP is a bit dramatic! I thought by it's tone you meant you'd be staying away in halls of residence or something through the week!

I don't think it's selfish at all - your family will all reap the rewards ultimately. Well done, and I really wouldn't have thought you would receive any negative comments...

I am surprised you are more worried what school mums will think than how your children will ?

yeah, I agree with policy. Think you're more likely to attract negative comments if you think mothers/fathers who drop their children at school have nothing better to do than bitch about you tbh!

And why women equate selfishness with following a (quite sensible) career plan I will never know!

Good luck with your studies.

You're agreeing with me all over the shop, foxy

I thought from your OP that you were actually away studying during the week, and that you and your children would probably miss each other. However, reading further if it is just that you are studying each day, as long as you, your DH, and your DC are happy with this then I wouldn't worry what the other mothers think.

Thank you. Sycamoretreeisvile I am probably over-thinking it (and do have a taste for the dramatic!). I suspect it is largely becaue my MiL has responded so badly that she refuses to tell anyone and asks me every day if I have snapped out of it yet?

katiestar I realise I didn't mention the views of the children in my OP. If I didn't think they would be OK I wouldn't do it. I do wobble but am lucky that we have a good support system and they have a number of significant adults in their lives.

I just wanted to say, I din't mean to imply that people would be bithcing about me at the school gates. I just wondered what a cross section of mums might be thinking. I wouldn't want D to miss out on invitations because the majority of mums thought I was awful without even meeting me. Sadly, there are a couple of local mums who won't talk to me at our toddler group because I am "not their sort of person" (ie I work outside of the home for more than two days a week - their acceptable limit). Rationally I know that this response is unusual but just thought I'd ask. From the response I've had here I feel confident that they are just weird!

Thanks for all the words of support. No doubt there will be many more wobbles along the way.

I would admire you - my mum was a full time nurse wirking shifts when I was at school and I remember feeling very proud of her and always wanted to be a career woman ' when i grew up' and guess what I now am a mum and love working as well!

you are making a brave decisiona dn should be proud of yourself and stuff the people who wouldn't talk to you at toddler group !

yanbu

Well there will be people who support you and those who think you are selfish and neglectful.
What does it matter?

I would be very impressed if one of the Mums I hang aroud with did this.

I would also volunteer child-collecting services in exchange for medical advice.

Wow. Did these local mothers actually say that they don't want to talk to you because you work out of the home two days per week?

That is great! She is inspirational! Would be the kind of things I would be thinking Anyone who thinks otherwise is not worth knowing IMO!