christmasmum - not having a go at you at all and I agree with every word you say except this bit. I can see why you think this but I disagree.
"And why is that every new Dad I've spoken to with wives who did not have pain releif seem so proud of them? Is this just another example of male oppression of women? Even subliminally??"
No absolutley not. In my view every woman who wants pain relief has an absolute right to have it. I can tell you now this policy, if it is a policy, is not the decision or invention of a man. I have never met a male Consultant or Anaesthetist or a Dad who thinks or wants women to go through child birth in pain - quite the opposite. They generally want every intervention possible for the woman.
"What is this pressure on women to be in pain and suffering to be 'real women'."
This policy has I have no doubt been supported or proposed by supposed natural childbirth experts who are women who believe that child birth should be 'natural'. I am sorry to say I see plenty of it on MN. Natural childbirth is fine for some and not for others.
Some midwife or some untrained childbirth expert deciding a priori that a woman should give birth without pain relief even when she wants it and asks for it is totally and absolutley, incredibly, utterly and completely out of order.
I do think this policy of 'no epidural' has been informally in place for some time in some hospitals and pushed by midwives. It now appears to be being formalised. I have good reason to believe this. The midwife tried it on with DW at the birth of DS2.
DW clearly and plainly asked for epidural. The midwife immediately said "oh the Anaesthetists are a bit busy now". She had no idea whether they were busy or not, she said it 10 seconds after DW asked and did not consult anyone to see if they were busy or not. I am afraid I saw red - she was being a bossy officious, obnoxiuos, bully and I knew she was deliberately trying to push DW past the stage at which she could safely have an epidural.
Obviously DW was in no position to argue -but I WAS. I got up out of my chair in the corner where the midwife had put me as far away from DW as possible and walked over to her. I said in a strong clear voice. "My wife is a bit busy too. Now unless there is a major pile up on the motorway I would like you to phone for the Anaesthetists and find out when they can get here".
The midwife flipped open DW's file without looking at me and noticed that she was being supervised by the senior Consultant and after that - well the midwife could not do enough. Phone calls made, Anaesthetists were there in minutes, totally different tone of voice, stopped calling me 'Dad' in that patronising way, I even got a cup of tea. Job done, DW could still push and everything was fine.
christmasmum - I think you took totally the right decison for your birth and support you and others in that every centimetre of the way. Whatever you decide you want, pain relief or not. How dare anyone tell a woman she cannot have an epidural before she has even started labour?
Fine if a woman wants a natural childbirth without pain relief and fine if she does not and fine if she wants to change her mind half way through as you did. Its the woman's choice.
By the way I don't give a toss if anyone wants to flame me. I will not see women in pain because some arrogant idiot somewhere wants to save a bit of cash or impose 'natural childbirth' on women who do not want it.