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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to visit my ILs because of the election results?

31 replies

badgermonkey · 05/06/2009 19:41

My ILs live in one of the areas that have elected a BNP councillor. I am completely disgusted and sickened by this - is it a good enough excuse not to visit them? It's not a very nice place anyway, and I can't bear the thought of looking around when we're in the pub (or more likely, the working man's club) wondering which of the fellow customers are vile racists.

OK, I probably am BU. But I really don't want to go there now, not that I ever really did before. I'd want to shout "you ought to be ashamed of yourselves!" in the street

OP posts:
chegirl · 05/06/2009 19:44

I wouldnt go, but then my kids are black.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 05/06/2009 19:44

YABU, but you know that. Unless your PILs voted BNP?

Original poster
badgermonkey · 05/06/2009 19:48

Well, I would very much hope they didn't, but who knows?

OP posts:
frogwatcher · 05/06/2009 20:01

I fully understand your reaction to the BNP but I also can understand people voting for them. I think a lot of people dont fully understand what they are about and havent researched it fully. Many people believe that BNP are not really racist but prepared to take a hard line to stop overcrowding etc. I know a few people who voted for them, who I know for a fact are not racist and genuinely appear to have family and friends of different nationalities. I really think a lot of people are scared at how PC the country is over things like life sentences meaning short sentences for paedophiles etc, overcrowding which the papers often blame on immigration even though I believe the main course is more single adult households etc. I know of one person who voted for them because she thinks they wont get in but it will be a wake up call on the three main parties to get a bit tougher! I may be naive, but in my (limited) experience I dont think all BNP voters realise the anti black, anti women thing.

frogwatcher · 05/06/2009 20:02

Reading that back it sounds like I voted for them which I didnt and wouldnt, having close black friends as just one reason why not. However, I was trying to explain why I think not all BNP voters are racist - just a bit naive.

tryingtobemarypoppins · 05/06/2009 20:06

and a bit thick frogwatcher!

frogwatcher · 05/06/2009 20:10

Are you accusing me of being thick marypoppins, because actually thats not altogether true (or so I am told)!!!!

frogwatcher · 05/06/2009 20:11

I forgot to add a

tryingtobemarypoppins · 05/06/2009 20:12

no frogwatcher, I'm saying anyone who voted BMP is "just a bit naive" and a bit thick!

MrsMattie · 05/06/2009 20:13

I walk through East London (where the BNP have a stronghold) with my mixed race DCs... and don't give a fuck. Let them dare to cross me.

I wouldn't not visit someone because they lived in a BNP area. However, ILs are a whole other ball game. Any excuse not to see them

troutpout · 05/06/2009 20:14

@ you ranting at all the people in the street.
yabu... and you know that don't you

my kids are mixed race too...and it wouldn't stop me...(hell.. i was brought up in an area like that)
But yes...it is horrible of course...i felt vunerable walking through town with my kids the other week when the bnp had set up a stall

frogwatcher · 05/06/2009 20:15

Marypoppins - oh I see - obviously I too am a bit thick!!

troutpout · 05/06/2009 20:15

lol mrs mattie

MrsMattie · 05/06/2009 20:20

Once upon a time I was walking through Bethnal Green alone and a BNP bint stopped me and started talking some sort of fraff to me about the BNP being 'the peoples party'. I told her as poiltely as I could that I wasn't interested (OK, not that politely. I think the word 'fuck' might have been used...I reserve this for BNP and pro-life nutjobs who accost me on the street...). Anyhoo...I then met up with (black) DH and kids and walked back past said stall. The BNP bint went bright red. I shouted 'Yeah...you should be ashamed, love!'. Says a lot about how thick these people are, I think. Didn't occur to her that a lily white woman would have a black husband and mixed kids. Shocking!

Twatface.

SlartyBartFast · 05/06/2009 20:23

so where did they get in ?

LaurieFairyCake · 05/06/2009 20:26

Nearly 20 years ago I was on an anti-fascist march as a student where I was winding up this pro-Nazi BNP prospective councillor.

I was interrupting his media interview by accusing him of holocaust denying and yelling at him he was a racist.

He lost his cool and told me to go and put my head in a gas chamber

All on tape and it aired on the North-East news. He was very quickly replaced.

Cunt.

YanknCock · 05/06/2009 20:29

MrsMattie, I remember having moments like that when I was married to XH. Usually when someone brought up 'immigrants'. I'd point out that I was an 'immigrant' and they'd qualify that with 'oh but you're white'. Yep, and H's parents are from Jamaica. Watch the faces go red and people try to get feet out of mouths. At least they had the sense to be embarassed and not proud of their racism (small consolation).

OP, I'd probably use it as an excuse if I didn't like my inlaws. But I like my ex-ILs and my current ones, so nothing would stop me seeing either!

MrsMattie · 05/06/2009 20:34

Exactly!@Yank. My parents came from Ireland. DH's - Guyana/Jamaica. No difference apart from the colour of our skin.

Laurie - that is a classic. So funny (in a sick and sad sort of way).

Holocaust deniers really, really wind me up

messalina · 05/06/2009 20:38

Any excuse is good enough to avoid a visit to your in-laws. Go for it.

Original poster
badgermonkey · 05/06/2009 20:49

I must point out that DH is less than impressed, especially as he grew up there and doesn't really want people to think he's a backwards and ignorant as the people who voted BNP.

OP posts:
chegirl · 05/06/2009 20:49

Laurie Hurray! I miss those marches

Mrs Mattie - OH Guyanese too. Dontcha just hate it when people go 'oh Ghana'. DD's nursery once did a whole wall display on her (different child every month). It was lovely and informative but unfortunately about a different country in a different continent!

2rebecca · 05/06/2009 22:26

I wouldn't not visit my parents because some local idiots voted in a BNP councillor, so I see no reason not to visit my husband's parents. If either lot admitted to voting BNP they wouldn't get a visit though, and any positive comments about the BNP would see me straight out the door.

piscesmoon · 05/06/2009 22:32

I don't see what it has to do with your PIL.

BlackSock · 05/06/2009 22:34

I think you should talk with your Il's.

midlandsmumof4 · 05/06/2009 22:56

Sorry if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that the OP just wants an excuse not to visit her IL's. She sounds a bit snobby-whats wrong with working mens clubs fgs?