to ask people whose mother worked when you were young, how you felt about it?

[groogle]

I'm really interested in this, as my Mum was a SAHM all her life. I'm going to be working FT soon (DD will be 18 months), and I anticipate that this might be the case for a large part of my life, although I am lucky enough to have some flexibility. So, I wondered, if there are Mumsnetters out there whose Mum's worked FT from a young age, or close to, how did it feel, and what do you remember about it? I hope this hasn't been done before (or at least recently) - I did a search and couldn't find anything.

hatesponge - I often wanted to be left home alone rather than dragged along places too, can't remember how old I was when I was allowed to

I used to admire her, she was a great role model. I used to think the other mums that stayed at home were really boring...the house was always a tip though, and I had my own key at 11! It was great, I'd want the same for my kids for sure.

and its also good for sons to see their mother work, a straw poll with some women I know showed the hubbys with mums who worked were more supportive of their wives who worked.

what do you think?

My mom worked full time from when I was a baby, and both of my parents' moms worked as teachers, so it's nothing new in my family!

At first I went to a childminder who had a daughter the same age as me. Once I was in school I went to a day care centre or a childminder afterward until I was 8, and then became a latch key kid. I was usually alone for about 1.5-2 hours a day after getting the school bus home. When I was 12, I started looking after my younger brother (aged 6) as well.

I really have no bad memories of this. I think mom always phoned or I phoned her to say I'd gotten home, and as I got older I would have a list of chores to do like folding laundry or starting dinner. I don't remember ever feeling neglected or particularly hard done by. If anything, I became very self-reliant and able to solve problems because mom wasn't there to take over.

I'm glad you enjoyed it Weegle, but 7 is so young.
I can't imagine sending my future children to boarding school at all, but never at 7, though my dp was packed off at a young age too, and one of his sisters sent both of her boys at 7.

My mum stayed at home until I was 5 and my sister 4. Then she did teacher training and went into teaching (obviously, doh! ). I have no memory of my mum being at home, really. I'm sure it did give me some basic stability, or whatever, but I don't remember the difference between her being at home and working or what it felt like. By the time we were at secondary school my mum had a very demanding managerial post and worked 8-6 minimum (often went in earlier or came home later). I admired her hugely and never felt she wasn;'t there for us. She was always at the other end of the phone and made time for us in the evenings. She devoted her weekends to us. We didn't suffer at all and, in fact, she inspired me to achieve in my own career. The only thing that did suffer was the housework.

Not surprisingly, I have (roughly) followed her pattern. Just gone back to work - my DS is 4, although DD only 7 mths, and I am devoted to my kids otherwise. House is also a bit of a tip!

My mum worked both full time and part time when me and my two siblings were young. She set up her own fashion business and our house was always full of exciting fabrics, dresses, beads etc. When I had my friends round they always thought she was very cool. I never remember feeling resentful, it was just the way things were, and i think she has instilled a very strong work ethic in me because of her dedication.

When I was 21 months old, my brother was born with a heart defect and was in and out of hospital a lot for the first 3 years, was the youngest baby (at 3 months) to have bypass surgery (was a very long time ago!)

I didn't really see a lot of either of my parents during that time, I would go and stay with my aunt's. I don't have many recollections from that early but never blamed my parents for not seeing them, even as a child when I didn't fully understand where they were.

When I was 7 (my brothers were 5 and 18 months) my parents brought their own business so again we didn't see much of them, the 18 month old was looked after by my older cousin who lived with us at the time but she was only 13!! Then when I was 10 I used to look after both of them after school, including giving them their tea. I blame my parents for the fact that I am now a nanny!! I think that because I spent so much time with my brothers it led to me being a nanny (which I love doing btw!)

I don't and never did think they were wrong to do these things because I know that they did it all to give us a better life. Everything they did and still do, they do for us, I keep telling them to spend some of the money they have and do something fun with it as they worked so very hard for everything they have.

P.S. My brother with heart problems died when he was 13 years old and my parents gave up the business for 7 years to spend more time with my brother and I as life is too short!!!

My mum worked part-time when I first started school, and then full-time when I was 7+. She was a teacher at my school [yuck icon], but her working was not a problem at all.

I agree with moulesfrites about the work ethic too.

My mom worked from when i went to nursery and neighbours generally kinda chipped in.

THere was me and my brother who was 4yrs older than me and always with his friends.

I was a VERY lonely child and hated it when she went to work. YES i resented every moment of it. even by the time I was around 13 i still didnt cope well and cried most mornings that i went to her room and she wasnt there. I hated school, didnt really like me much. . Every weekend i went to stay with my gran, who i loved very much - but she wasnt my mom.

Im sorry, this is a bit miserable isnt it?

Just the way i felt and still do. She went to work because my father felt she should as his mother did. I have never told her how i feel as i think it would break her heart to know, i know she loves me. I just wish i could have spent a bit more time with her.

I have never done and will never do this to my children, but each to their own and i know to some women its a sanity saver.

My mum worked ft, and then some when I was small.

I loved it. I had wonderful nannies, was very close to my sister, and my mum always tried to make sure she was there for the important things.

As a teenager, I was very glad my mum had more to her life than my friends' SAHMs, who I felt were clingy and a pita mostly because they did not have enough to do.

My mum worked pretty much FT from when I went to playgroup. She was a teacher at my infants school, so when I was there I just went to work with her in the morning and stayed till she finished. Then when I was at junior school I walked there and back on my own, and went to our elderly neighbours house after school where I walked her dog, drank milky coffee and watched 'The Young Doctors'

I never questioned it, apart from to moan that I didn't get to go to the town summer playscheme as she was home.

Worst thing was that my dad worked at a factory where they had fixed holidays. That didn't coincide with school holidays. So until I was 13, he never had any time off with us apart from Christmas, weekends and bank holidays.

My mum worked part-time and I remember feeling happier as an older child coming home from school and she was at home.

Although I agree with misscutandstick, going out to work can stop plenty of mums from going potty.

my mum worked from when I was about 4, she tried to work around us, started early mornings and was usually home by mid to late afternoon. we spent most holidays with my grandparents or my godparents when we were little. I never minded at all, in fact I loved it - lots of freedom, nobody fussed us about doing homework or anything, and my mum always seemed happy, which I doubt she would have been as a SAHM.

It was always assumed in my family that women work - both my grandmothers worked up to retirement, one of them while bringing up four children alone, and all my aunties worked, and I sort of feel the same way - I love my kids dearly, but I think I would be a dreadfully frustrated SAHM.

MY mums worked full time all our lives, mainly because of necessity. When we were younger my grandmother lived with us,but she was not very nice and didn't treat me very well, while spoiling my sister.
She died when I was 9 and we ended up latchkey kids or sometimes my bf mum looked after us.

I did miss having her home when we got home from school and it was a treat when she was at home. However we do have a lovely relationship now and she is a fantastic mum and grandmother and will do anything for us and all her grandchildren.
I have been fortunate and have worked from home and in p/t jobs so I have always been there when the dc's are home for school.

My mum didn't work - consequence for me was I couldn't bear to be looked after by anyone else. I work, and have a lovely relationship with my children, but they are SO much more adaptable and secure than I was - they know how to feel safe & happy with people other than me.

PS groogle there was a good long thread on this once but it might have been in Chat & so expired. I'll have a look.

I loved my Mum working, I was looked after by my Auntie who had four children of her own so it was great fun. I have always had a huge amount of respect for my Mum and her successful career. She never missed school plays etc and I have loads of great memories of holidays and weekends, think she tried to make the time we had together extra special.

I remember a couple of times when she wasn't too well and she kept me off school so that we could have a duvet day together. I fully intend to do that with my DD!

The only negative I would say is that when I was about 9/10 my Mum did a lot of international travel and that used to really ipset me as I really worried her plane would crash. I soon forgot it all as soon as she bought fab pressies back though!

Found it - it's from the opposite p-of-v

Experiences as child of SAHM

slightly different BUT..

i was a SAHM until my youngest was 6 and at school. during a conversation about childcare DS (14) recently asked me "did you go to work when i was little?"

so to my mind, if he can't even remember if he was home with me or not then whatever i had done i don't imagine he would have been scarred for life!!

they both like me working now though, as finace wise life is a lot better.

chegirl - I could have written your post. I would never say as much to my mum but I really missed having her around and when she was there I remember her mostly being stressed out and understandably resentful of having to do all of the housework.

I am lucky enough to have been able to choose to be a SAHM. My DC's are v small at the moment and I hope to do some kind of work when they are in school, even if voluntary, but I want to always be available for them when they need me - and I think they will probably need me more as they get older than they do now.

My mother worked full time from when I was very young and to be honest it never worried me but my grandmother lived with us and my aunt looked after me when my mum and dad were at work so I never came home to an empty house.

Wow, I walked away to put the supper on and came back to all these posts! Thanks everyone. This is really fascinating and I think comforting as the consensus here seems to be that people felt OK about their Mum's working, although I know not everyone feels that. Thanks Bink for that link, I'll have a look.

My mum worked PT while I was small - then FT after my dad died when I was about 13 (in secondary) - I used to come home to empty house after school with my sister who is older and I loved it TBH. I had a pet dog who I used to take for a walk. I learnt to cook (not the dinner but small meals) and do chores without having to be asked because I wanted to help. I felt more than OK about my mum working, and she enjoyed sharing time with adults at work something which she needed as a person to do. I understood that parents are people not just mums or dads, from a young age.

My mum worked full time and my brother and I were looked after by my grandad. He would take us to school and we'd go to his house after school.

Summer holidays I remember as being really good fun as he would take us away out on walks around town, we'd go to the movies etc.

I do remember missing my mum though and wishing that she was at home with us to spend time with. It's maybe because of this that I don't work full time.