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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ds left behing after swimming

66 replies

kittybrown · 04/06/2009 09:34

Hi I can't decide if I am being unreasonable or not.

My ds (yr5) is not the fastest changer in the world. He tries but is always last.They had swimming yesterday with the school at the local pool (not public). He was getting changed when the TA said through the door "the coach is going to leave without you" and left him there.
There are two groups and his is the first so he had to wait to be taken back with the other group. He didn't mind the waiting as it got him out of assembly but he did panic about being left.
My problem is I feel he should have got a warning before they left him along the lines of " if you take so long in future the coach will leave without you" or even a 5 minute warning rather than just leving him.
AIBU?

OP posts:

seeker · 04/06/2009 12:54

He's 10. There was another coach. He wasn't ready for the first one, so he went on the second. Still don't see the problem!

Bigpants1 · 04/06/2009 13:35

seeker-you dont see the problem-but you are an adult, not a 10yr old boy.
Schools have a duty of care, and it fell short here. Was the child given a clear explanation that he would need to go on the next coach? Was this explanation done face to face or through a cubicle door?
As a parent I would not be happy about this, and would certainly speak to the Head and teacher and say, if he needs more time to change, (a) Let him out of the pool 5mins earlier and (b)Put him on the second coach to allow more time, but make very sure he knows this.
Not all dc are capable of going at the same pace-academically or physically. This is one area this dc struggles with,and it is up to the school to accomodate this and devise ways to help.
My ds-11yrs- has Dyspraxia and will always need extra time to change and organise himself-simply to tell him to hurry, would not help, and increase his disorganisation.
He will have swimming lessons next session, and I have already had this conversation with his teacher and will do so again at the start of the term.
Even if he didnt have Dyspraxia,but had difficulty changing, I would still expect the school to accomodate this.
So, to OP, YANBU, and you should speak to school.
Can I say to others who say -he 10-whats the problem-we all have strengths and weaknesses and we dont all move smoothly along the developmental pathway ticking boxes as we go.

ILIVEONBENEFITS · 04/06/2009 13:55

I agree with Bigpants1 on this issue.All the posters who say he needs to hurry up etc and he's 10 need to get out of their parenting book and television guided mentality and try to realise that Supernanny and all those "old school" type "experts" don't necessarily have all the answers and when it comes to children especially, the one size fits all approach is just plain wrong. whatever next? just smack him or put him on the naughty step so he can reflect on his inability to go at the same pace as everyone else.
Or maybe we could just see this for what it is...an inappropriate action by a poorly trained moron clearly lacking in the most basic skills to work with children in an appropriate manner.

bunnyrabbit · 04/06/2009 13:58

personally I don't think it matters if he's 10, 15 or 30. Behaviour of the person in charge of the party was unacceptable IMO.

LadyMuck · 04/06/2009 13:59

Do you really think that a single warning would have made a difference? Wouldn't the fact that all the other children were on the bus be a sufficient, albeit unspoken, warning?

If the same coach has to go back to school and then back to the pool, then presumably if it gets held up for your ds then the second group are presumably inconvenienced too?

If you really think that your son needs a specific warning, then you need to speak to the school about next time. But I wouldn't make an issue of how they treated your ds this time.

OrmIrian · 04/06/2009 14:00

It would have been very wrong to leave a child there with no means of getting back to school safely. But as there was he could with no problem. It sounds like a reasonable way of getting him to hurry up next time.

atworknotworking · 04/06/2009 14:17

KittyBrown - Was the other group already there at the pool or was your DS left on his own? it's a long time since I did swimming at school but with us the groups had up to 1/2 hour between swims, so the second lot and the first lot never met up IYSWIM.

YANBU anyway your son should be given extra time to get ready and the school should accomodate his individual needs.

OrmIrian · 04/06/2009 14:21

"YANBU anyway your son should be given extra time to get ready and the school should accomodate his individual needs.
"

How? By making everyone else wait? Why would that be better?

seeker · 04/06/2009 14:26

Is it possible that they were meeting his individual needs by saying go on the next coach? He wasn't abandoned at the pool, he knew there was another coach, he knew that was the one he was going on - he had time to get ready, the first coach got back to school without having to wait for him, so the rest of his group didn't miss assembly because he was a little slow.

Imagine the AIBU where someone says "AIBU to be upset that my child had to sit waiting in a hot coach and miss assembly because they were waiting for one class mate who was slow getting changed? There was another coach behind my child's, why couldn't the other child get that one when he was ready?"

Poppity · 04/06/2009 14:27

I think YANBU, possibly because I can imagine the same thing happening to my 10yo. He does try hard, but he's always last. He does have his head in the clouds a bit, but that is part of his charm imo, everyone's different!

I would be in to have a chat I think. Even if he did have previous warnings, they should take note of individual children's characters, and make sure he has completely understood. Sometimes it takes mine a couple of times and a lot of eye contact for things to really sink in!

Also, I get the idea the TA didn't make it clear to him that he would be able to go on the next coach? I guess he had to find that out for himself then? He must have had a horrible time thinking he had been completely left.

Mind you, I think I must be on a different planet to a lot of MNers, I am sure I would be in the category of over-protective according to many here! I don't feel like that though, I am just standing up for my Dcs in what I think can be a difficult and bewildering world for a child

ingles2 · 04/06/2009 14:30

What are you on about ILIVEONBENEFITS ? television guided parenting? old school books? what's that got to do it?
As a parent you primary goal is to help your dc achieve independence. The vast majority of children should be able to get dressed quickly without support at 10.
Most children need to adapt to the school day or perhaps you thing we should universally adopt "each child at his own pace"?
I can just see it now... ds2 hasn't managed to get to any classes today as he went at his own speed and has spent the day wandering the school corridor in a daze!
If you'd read the thread you'd see that the OP didn't mention any developmental delays until late, hence all the responses assuming he was NT.
as for this "an inappropriate action by a poorly trained moron clearly lacking in the most basic skills to work with children in an appropriate manner."... just a slight assumption then as kitty hasn't spoken to the TA

Morloth · 04/06/2009 14:40

I agree with seeker, they didn't leave him there. He missed the first coach cause he was a bit slow getting dressed and got the next one. How come it matters? Why should all the other kids have to wait for one when there is an easier solution available?

My DS is 5 and if he told me this I would tell him he needed to hurry up a bit more or learn to not mind being on the second coach.

seeker · 04/06/2009 14:44

"He does try hard, but he's always last. He does have his head in the clouds a bit, but that is part of his charm imo, everyone's different! "

Oh, Poppity, I bet his teacher is currently in the staff room banging her head on the wall, and begging to be brought a large gin and tonic!

stealthsquiggle · 04/06/2009 15:02

LOL Seeker - I agree.

My thought on the OP was that No, they would not advertise the 'if you are slow you will get left to come on the second coach' policy (or I wouldn't, if I were them) because a fair few 10yos would go:

I can take my time getting changed
I get to miss assembly
If a few of us do it we get to muck around here for a while

not that I am saying that the OP's DS did that, particularly as he had no warning. Overall, it seems to me it may have been handled badly but was in fact probably the best solution all round.

Poppity · 04/06/2009 16:05

Hehe seeker, actually, he's a bit of a goody goody, so the teacher loves him- he helps out, he's a fast reader and top o' the class for everything, go figure!
He's just not very speedy physically! He dawdles....perhaps 'supremely laid back' would be a better description!

Poppity · 04/06/2009 16:05

Far too many exclamation marks in that sentence

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