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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ds left behing after swimming

66 replies

kittybrown · 04/06/2009 09:34

Hi I can't decide if I am being unreasonable or not.

My ds (yr5) is not the fastest changer in the world. He tries but is always last.They had swimming yesterday with the school at the local pool (not public). He was getting changed when the TA said through the door "the coach is going to leave without you" and left him there.
There are two groups and his is the first so he had to wait to be taken back with the other group. He didn't mind the waiting as it got him out of assembly but he did panic about being left.
My problem is I feel he should have got a warning before they left him along the lines of " if you take so long in future the coach will leave without you" or even a 5 minute warning rather than just leving him.
AIBU?

OP posts:

bruffin · 04/06/2009 10:00

When I helped out at swimming we had a girl that age who was always really slow at getting dressed, she just dawdled. In the end her mother had to come and sort her out.

This doesn't sound like the first week of swimming, I would suspect he was had many warnings before.

saintmaybe · 04/06/2009 10:04

But some children just can't do things quickly.

Original poster

kittybrown · 04/06/2009 10:04

They have seperate cubicals (it's an old fashioned pool with them on the side) so he wasn't messing around. Definately no warning as the story has been backed up by several of his friends (trustworty ones!)
He sees it more as a punishment.
I know timing is an issue as they all wear their swimming stuff under their uniforms so they don't get shouted at for being slow when they get there.
Greensleeves that's how I feel.

OP posts:

Hassled · 04/06/2009 10:08

I had similar problems with DS2 (nearly 11) - he's Dyspraxic and really struggles to dress himself - buttons etc are a real challenge for him. And PE was becoming an issue - he was always holding everyone else up.

The school suggested that he gets to the changing rooms 5 minutes before everyone else, and this works well - could you maybe suggest that for next time? Just ask if he can get out of the pool a few minutes ahead?

tryingtobemarypoppins · 04/06/2009 10:14

Yes YABU. I take Year 3's swimming and they all need reminding to hurry up, buses have to get to other schools and we have to get back to school aswell!

By Y5 he should be able to get a move on.

The teacher would have been going up and down those changing rooms hurrying them all up and giving lots of warnings.

Do you take him swimming??

saintmaybe · 04/06/2009 10:18

Then that's really mean and awful. I'd be very cross and definitely speak to the teacher and TA.

Original poster

kittybrown · 04/06/2009 10:36

I take him swimming and he's ok at getting changed on his own.
Granted I'm not there when he goes swimming with the school but I do know and trust 5 others that were there getting changed at the same time. They do get told to get a move on which is fair enough but there was no warning about being left to sit on the side and wait while the other group swam.

I just feel he should have had that warning.

OP posts:

RumourOfAHurricane · 04/06/2009 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

kittybrown · 04/06/2009 10:59

He's not dyspraxic but does have some co-ordination difficulties that the school are aware of. He's usually slightly slower than everyone else but this time it was lifesaving, swimming in shorts and t-shirt. He said he really had trouble getting his wet things off and was too embarrassed to ask for help in front of the whole class.

I think I'll ask as suggested that he gets out 5 mins before to give him a head start.

OP posts:

ingles2 · 04/06/2009 11:00

kitty, I get the impression you are determined the school is at fault.
Maybe he wasn't messing around in the cubicles, but perhaps they were told to be quick at the side of the pool?
I just think if he was the only child left behind, he must have really really slow or not listening.
Go and speak to the TA, but be prepared to hear that it's your son who is at fault.

ingles2 · 04/06/2009 11:02

x posts...
well why didn't you mention that before?

Original poster

kittybrown · 04/06/2009 11:12

I'm not determined to find the school at fault. I deliberately tried to find out all the facts so I don't go in and make a fool of myself by making a fuss, well not even making a fuss raising the issue.
There is a slight back story involving my son which does skew the way things get portrayed. I was trying to keep those bits out as I just wanted to know if he should of had a warning IYSWIM?
A bit mad I know.

OP posts:

ingles2 · 04/06/2009 11:24

ok, so if your son has SN's that the school are aware of it's a completely different story.
Go and speak with the TA, don't be confrontational, ask what happened and then say, yes, but you know ds has co-ordination problems so I think this was a bit harsh on him. In future would you mind allowing him to get out of the pool slightly earlier to give him a chance to get ready.

RumourOfAHurricane · 04/06/2009 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

shouldbeironing · 04/06/2009 11:43

It does sound as though more consideration needs to be given to the lad - either put him in the second group or give him extra time somehow. The worst thing is that if he does have difficulties then putting pressure on him can actually make it worse.

mumeeee · 04/06/2009 11:43

5 minutes to get cahnged in is not very much time for anyone let alsone a 10 year old who has co-rrdination problems. As the school are aware of his problems they should not have left him behind.

ingles2 · 04/06/2009 11:51

what annoys me about aibu by stealth is that I can't help thinking... yeah yeah, you've put that in because you didn't get the response you wanted, even if it's true!
Honestly, how can you think your ds having co-ordination difficulties is not significant to this OP?

Original poster

kittybrown · 04/06/2009 11:56

He's a slight mix of everything ADHD/dyspraxia/aspergers/anxiety not enough to get a digonosis in any though. We saw a psychiatrist who said he was very bright and had a few traits here and there which were exacibated by bullying from classmates and teachers. It got so bad he was self harming.
Stratergies have been put in place and he's been doing really well and can now cope with almost anything.
Before all this came to light anytime I complained I was told it was either all our fault as parents or his fault for acting the way he did. So now I make sure my facts are rock solid and try to figure out if the previous things that have happend have skewed my thinking. So I try and figure out how I would react if ds was "normal" as most of the time these days he is. It's very tricky. I never talk about these things to anybody except DH. I suppose I've lost confidence in my own judgement.

OP posts:

bunnyrabbit · 04/06/2009 12:01

I know exactly what you mean. IMHO it'sthe warning, or lack of it, that is the issue here. and IMHO YANBU.

Don't doubt yourself.

Post on the SN board and you might get some helpful advice.

cat64 · 04/06/2009 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Sassybeast · 04/06/2009 12:03

If he was to busy messing about to get changed, he was probably to busy messing about to hear any requests to hurry up or warnings. Hopefully it's a lesson learnrd for him.

ingles2 · 04/06/2009 12:05

oh Kitty,...you've got to have confidence in your judgements. you know your ds better than anyone and you stick up for him if you think there has been an injustice towards him.
As I said earlier, if the school knows he struggles with this, they shouldn't have left him without an explanation. Go and speak to them.
But don't sneak in facts again!, honestly, I had to eat 1/2 packet of hob nobs whilst replying and that is not good for my "diet"

seeker · 04/06/2009 12:14

And if there was another coach, what was the problem of him going back in that one? Seems a non-problem to me!

Original poster

kittybrown · 04/06/2009 12:16

I'm sorry ingles2 if you think I was being stealthy.
I was really proud of the way he coped with it all to be honest as 4 months ago he wouldn't have.
I really did just want to know if I was being unreasonable for the OP.
The school have cut down on their interventions and treat him for the main part as anyone else so I just wanted to know if anyone else would have been miffed.
Thanks for that cat64

Now where's the other 1/2 of that packet of hob nobs?

OP posts:

DebiTheScot · 04/06/2009 12:30

I would have been miffed. If what he has told you is right I don't think it should have happened in that way. Shouting at him through a closed door that they were going without him seems rude and unproffesional to me.
I would have panicked if I'd been in that situation I think. Did he have a chance to say ok, that's fine, I'll get the other bus or did they just go leaving him not really knowing what was happening?

I wonder if the teachers of each bus did things like change the bus list. I'm sure that it is a legal requirement for each bus to have a list of who is on it in case there's a crash.

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