to be annoyed at headmistress' attitude?

[MummyDragon]

Bit long-winded, sorry, please bear with me.

DS (he's in Year R) started at a new school on Monday. Fab school; he's loving it; I am very very impressed with everything so far.

Except for this one thing!

I filled in all the forms, as you do, before he joined, and one of them was the form about allowing your child's images to be used on film, in print, etc. DH and I decided, very soon after our first dc was born, that we would not allow any pictures of our kids to be on the internet and that we would not allow them to be filmed. (I don't even put pictures of my kids on Facebook etc). So, on the school form, I specifically said that I did not consent to ds being filmed, and that his photo could only be used for in-school displays.

Yesterday a promotional DVD was being filmed at the school. All day. I did not receive prior notice of this but I thought this was OK as the school knew that I did not want my son to be filmed. However, as the children were leaving school the camerman was standing, filming, right by the gate so that everyone had to pass him to get out of the school grounds (there is only one way out). Therefore, my son's image was captured on film. (He was filming the kids leaving the classrooms, playing and then leaving the school grounds).

I wrote a very pleasant note to the headmistress this morning, asking her to please make sure that ds' image was not used and to please destroy any film of him if possible. She had a chat with me after school to tell me that it had all been sorted out, but she was not aware that the chap had been blithely filming away in the playground without supervision, and said to me, "only 2 children were not allowed to be filmed, which did make things a bit difficult."

Eh?????? So I don't want paedophiles to get hold of images of my kids and masturbate over them. Sorry but that is why I don't want my kids to be filmed, as there is no way to control who gets hold of the end results. If this is being difficult, should I care?

How many of you have refused to allow your kids to be filmed at school? AIBU not to allow it, and AIBU to be annoyed at what the headmistress said to me? (She did say it very nicely but she made me feel like a child again!).

Comments welcome, thank you

You are being ridiculous about them not being filmed, BUT it is your right not to have the school film your child and the headmistress should have ensured it didn't happen seeing as they gave you the option.

I'm not curtailing other people's chances of taking photos of their kids in the school play - there wasn't a box to tick on the form for that one. But I wouldn't be so selfish as to do that even if there had been. What I am saying is, where it is reasonable and practical and does not interfere with other people's enjoyment(as was the situation with the school's promotional film), I don't want my kids to be filmed. And yes, the problem is definitely with me - this thread has proved it!

Yarboo.
Not wrt them not respecting your decision - they shouldn't ask you if they aren't going to see it through. But as far as paedophiles masturbating, sorry, you really are.

you are falling for the canard that paedophiles masturbate over clothed, unknown children, when in fact they are most likely to be a relative or family freind who are investing their energies targeting families, and not in seeking out promotional videos for schools.

In any case, there are thousands - millions - of images of small children out there for them to use, should they wish to. Why would they make the effort to seek out those of your ds's school?

I do understand this attitude - it is an attempt to make sense of and assert some control over the possibility of terrible harm coming to one's dc's. But it isn't rational.

So there aren't really such things as class & school photos any more?

All these threads and I have only just realised that that's what it means.

That is really really sad.

Ds' school has class and school photos.

oh sorry, x-post MummyDragon, I see you are being v reflective already..

If it helps, I used to have terrible images come into my head when ds was a baby and I was changing his nappy. Terrible. Again, I think an expression of the realization that although you are entirely responsible for this new life, there is a chaotic and terrifyingly unpredictable world out there which you can only attempt to control.

Hooray! And everyone's in them and everyone gets a copy?

I really don't have a problem with this. Pervs who want to masturbate over prepubescent children can sadly find more titillating material than a child fully-dressed in school-uniform.

I don't have FB, I consider myself pretty security savvy (most teachers & pupils these days have ESafety training - and certainly those in designated charge of child welfare in schools do) and I have given my permission for my primary age dc to be photographed. In fact in the local county paper all the county primary schools' reception class photos are published in colour with a class list of names, although in alphabetical order so non-identifying.

Your fear of paedophiles is irrational and unhealthy. There are billions of photos of children on the Internet, why choose your child's image in particular?

Your headteacher sounded perfectly accommodating and reasonable, she was merely stating facts.

Do you not wonder about why you are one of only two parents in the entire school who feel this way. Are all the others careless in their protection of their children? What's the next step, hiding our children away?

It's very sad how there is so much mistrust in British society with regards to children and the perceived danger of paedophiles.

Obviously you have a right to decide, but i fear that your attitude is way way over the top.

Yes there are still class and school photographs. Those children whose parents have refused permission would not appear on them: but most parents who refuse permission do so only on photographs to be used on website/promotional purposes.

Presumably the parents who refuse permission aren't allowed a copy of the group photos either?

Your fear of paedophiles is irrational and unhealthy. There are billions of photos of children on the Internet, why choose your child's image in particular?

Your headteacher sounded perfectly accommodating and reasonable, she was merely stating facts.

Do you not wonder about why you are one of only two parents in the entire school who feel this way. Are all the others careless in their protection of their children? What's the next step, hiding our children away?

It's very sad how there is so much mistrust in British society with regards to children and the perceived danger of paedophiles.

Obviously you have a right to decide, but i fear that your attitude is way way over the top.

I've just read this whole thread, waiting to hear it was a wind-up.

I can't believe anyone would think that a paedophile (or anyone else for that matter!) would scour unknown promotional school literature for possible targets.

While such behaviour is pretty much beyond my comprehension, I am equally pretty sure that there are more accessible places to go.

My son, who is only a year old, has a modelling contract - as does his half sister - they have both been in quite a few promotional adverts (and DSD in TV commercials). Never once have I ever believed it's compromised thier safety or wellbeing.

I think you need to realise that there are more important dangers, TBH.

the only answer is to do a micheal jackson and only let your children out in public with masks on, who knows who is taking photos of them in the street

Although sending your children for a day out with michael jackson may be less of a top move

LOL at LTOS

I have had a similar problem but for very different reasons.

My DS's school has a new website and they have spent a long time taking photos and video to put on it. I have told them many, many times that they must not put DS's image on the internet.

DS is adopted. His birth mum (who we know very well) is unsafe and unpredictable. She is also extremly computor literate. She could track down his school and/or put pictures from the site on her own horribly pornographic websites.

Despite knowing all this the school still bloody managed to put some sodding pictures on the bloody flippin website

I am not a paranoid parent. I am pretty relaxed and dont mind pictures being taken and videos being made of school plays etc but there are real safety issues for adopted and fostered kids.

LovelyTinOfSpam - yes schools do have class photos. The child/ren not allowed to be in them would be excluded from the photograph, as requested. The class photo would not include them nor their name.

youhavegottobekidding - thsis is not the case at either DD's school nor the school I work at. It has never been the case in any of the schools I have worked it either. Instead, as with class photos, the children not allowed to be filmed would simply be excluded.

At DD's school they have one child who is not allowed to be on published photos and films, but can be included on school only ones like class photos and s allowed to be filmed ins chool plays by parents, etc.

That's a very good point chegirl, and one I hadn't thought of.

Ditto children who are with parents who have escaped abusive relationships, and I'm sure other reasons I can't even think of.

But not ditto if for random reason as per OP!

little girl in ds's class is fostered and was left out of the class photo. I don't know what her backround is but I think it might be standard procedure for fostered children.

ALso would like to agree with Chegirl...

I am sure there are several good reasons for wanting to keep your child's image from promotional literature...

But random people searching the internet isn't one of them.

How sad for the little ones to have to be left out of photos because of adults who should be protecting them.

Hula would the excluded child be allowed a copy of the class photo without them in it though?

Or would they not have any record of their classmates like that?

I would guess that if they're not in it they can't have a copy either?

Mummydragon states lower down that her dh is an ex-pc and he has had involvement in several cases involving paedophiles.

My dh has too, and I also work with high-risk offenders, and tbh, although my own view on this is different to mummydragon, being involved in such cases does give you a different perspective, and I know of some colleagues who would do the same as mummydragon.

My kids are not allowed to be pictured or filmed for anything at all in school.

Why though???

My BIL deals with someHORRIBLE cases, but that's what they are: HORRIBLE cases. Just as he's had to deal with some HORRIBLE RTA.

Doesn't mean I'm never going to allow my child in a car.

Obviously, people have their own POV etc., but I don't understand the filming thing.