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AIBU?

to be annoyed at headmistress' attitude?

93 replies

MummyDragon · 03/06/2009 21:08

Bit long-winded, sorry, please bear with me.

DS (he's in Year R) started at a new school on Monday. Fab school; he's loving it; I am very very impressed with everything so far.

Except for this one thing!

I filled in all the forms, as you do, before he joined, and one of them was the form about allowing your child's images to be used on film, in print, etc. DH and I decided, very soon after our first dc was born, that we would not allow any pictures of our kids to be on the internet and that we would not allow them to be filmed. (I don't even put pictures of my kids on Facebook etc). So, on the school form, I specifically said that I did not consent to ds being filmed, and that his photo could only be used for in-school displays.

Yesterday a promotional DVD was being filmed at the school. All day. I did not receive prior notice of this but I thought this was OK as the school knew that I did not want my son to be filmed. However, as the children were leaving school the camerman was standing, filming, right by the gate so that everyone had to pass him to get out of the school grounds (there is only one way out). Therefore, my son's image was captured on film. (He was filming the kids leaving the classrooms, playing and then leaving the school grounds).

I wrote a very pleasant note to the headmistress this morning, asking her to please make sure that ds' image was not used and to please destroy any film of him if possible. She had a chat with me after school to tell me that it had all been sorted out, but she was not aware that the chap had been blithely filming away in the playground without supervision, and said to me, "only 2 children were not allowed to be filmed, which did make things a bit difficult."

Eh?????? So I don't want paedophiles to get hold of images of my kids and masturbate over them. Sorry but that is why I don't want my kids to be filmed, as there is no way to control who gets hold of the end results. If this is being difficult, should I care?

How many of you have refused to allow your kids to be filmed at school? AIBU not to allow it, and AIBU to be annoyed at what the headmistress said to me? (She did say it very nicely but she made me feel like a child again!).

Comments welcome, thank you

OP posts:

Report

LovelyTinOfSpam · 04/06/2009 19:36

youhavegottobekidding Please do come and tell me what on this thread makes you think I am not looking out for my DD, as per your post. You can't say something like that and then just sod off.

Haribosmummy · 04/06/2009 20:17

LTOS - Don't get upset about it... It's a public forum and, sadly, people can say what they want, when they want...

FWIW, I thought what you said last night was perfectly reasonable and sensible.

Haven't followed the thread today (and haven't re-read it now) so not sure what's been said, sorry.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 04/06/2009 20:29

I know haribo, it's just MN has got really odd recently with people seeming to randomly level abuse at people (me) for no apparent reason, and saying really nasty things, then just pissing off.

Maybe I am pregnant paranoid, or something, but I've never seen anything like this before. People can't just rock up and say you can't be bothered to protect your child from paedophiles, and then just piss off, FFS...

I am going to have to have another break, aren't I. And my baby is due in 3 weeks

Sorry for going on, it just really upset me. Thanks for taking the time to point out I should try and ignore it....

I will try and ignore it.

Haribosmummy · 04/06/2009 21:15

my baby is due in about 8 weeks!!!

it is sad when people post really random stuff and then don't bother to explain it (if it were an honest mistake or misunderstanding) but it's just the way it goes.

Not sure about you, but I've only been using MN for the last year or so (since my DS was born) and I've always found it to be a bit...err.... unpredictable

I've been lambasted about all sorts; For having a dog and a young baby, for having an Elective CS, for stopping on a hard shoulder of a motorway to check my 8 week old baby and god knows what else... I'm getting better at ignoring it now, but I used to get into bunfights about all sorts!!!

LovelyTinOfSpam · 04/06/2009 21:21

I've been on here about 2 years - I name change regularly as I like my anonimity

I have only had one massive flounce when I de-regged about a year ago, that was after a ding dong on a subject I now know to avoid like the plague.

What this poster said had no build up though, normally there is a bit of mud-slinging before people go OTT, and what she said was so so horrible.

I will be having an elcs on 29 June - am so ready to get it over and done with now this pg has been tough.

There will be newborns a-go-go soon then - I'll keep my eye on the birth announcements for your news and maybe won't flounce just yet...

StealthPolarBear · 04/06/2009 21:24

I can kind of see where the OP is coming from
She said she didn't want her son filmed and filled in all the necessary forms to withdraw her consent
He was filmed - so school failed in that respect
Also wonder if they would have edited the images out if she hadn't found out and brought it up

chegirl · 04/06/2009 21:34

LTS I can see why you are upset but the poster probably just dashed off those words without thinking too much about them.

Dont get upset or I may have to send you hugs and I think thats against mumsnet law or something

Haribosmummy · 04/06/2009 21:37

Hope it goes well, LTOS - I'll keep my eye out for your birth announcement too!

I couldn't flounce - I'm too addicted to MN!!!! I also tried to maintain anonimity, but I have too many friends on here, who are also on FB...

I temporarily name changed a while ago, and managed to 'out' my own pregnancy - how crap is that!!!!

piscesmoon · 04/06/2009 21:54

I can see why you were upset if you filled in the form.
However I never understand why people don't want their DCs filmed, it is so sad for them.Mine have been in the local paper several times with things with the school and web sites etc. It means that if a theatre company or something similar comes in the few DCs who can't be filmed have to be removed before any photos are taken.I think it weird.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 04/06/2009 21:58

Aaaargh!

Thanks che and haribo, I do feel a lot better now, I just got a right shock when I logged in earlier, and I haven't been quite myself lately anyway

I'm going to head back to the big bro thread, hopefully no-one will start levelling random acusations at me there...

Thanks again both of you

saintmaybe · 04/06/2009 22:10

oh dear Op, you do sound very mad I'm afraid. Poor you.

Out of interest, how do you explain it to your dcs?

littlejacksmum · 04/06/2009 22:13

tbh i don't think youhavegottobekidding said anything wrong .... LTOS you did sound slightly sarcastic in your question about "lets just check then no photos at birthday parties etc" ........... I've just come on here and had a quick read so may be wrong .... typical chat room stuff i'd say - people go off on a tangent and don't really answer the op's question but start one of their very own (LTOS) and then take over the chat ... hopefully the op actually got her question answered?

LovelyTinOfSpam · 04/06/2009 22:17

So it's my own fault for asking perfectly valid questions which I still don't know the answers to.

And it's fine and dandy for someone to come out with

"someone is looking out for your DD even if it is not you"

I stand corrected. Of course it is fine to say that. Why wouldn't it be? Of course I don;t give a monkeys if she is abused, why would I care?

littlejacksmum · 04/06/2009 22:22

hmmm def hormones, sorry but if it upsets you that much maybe you should leave the thread and let the answer be answered? i'm new to this stuff but thought it was for helping others. hopefully youhavegottobekidding will come on and let us know.

seeker · 04/06/2009 22:23

LTOS - for want it's worth, I see what you mean - and I think you're right.There does seem to be an "if you're not paranoid you're a bad parent' mentality on here sometimes.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 04/06/2009 22:31

How is it helping others to tell them that they are negligent?

That's just not on.

You may be new to this, I'm not, it's not how it works. You don't just come out with stuff like that for no apparent reason, it's really hurtful.

And seeing as haribo and che were good enough to come and smooth me down, why do you feel the need to come and get me all worked up again.

You think it is entirely hormonal to get upset when someone tells you that you are not bothered about looking after your children? And that I should leave the thread?

FWIW the OP got her answer, many people posted their views. It's not like a prefect comes along with the final answer or anything

seeker · 04/06/2009 22:38

LTOS - try not to get too wound up by this. Those of us who let our children have some freedom and independence and who expect the world to largely treat them kindly are actually right, and the scared people are wrong. But we'll never convince them. Just remember - WE ARE RIGHT!

piscesmoon · 04/06/2009 22:50

I think you just have to ignore the paranoid. I refuse to bring up my DCs in such an atmosphere of fear that they can't be photographed giving a bouquet to someone, or similar.

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