DS is already seeing someone for emotional problems, but nothing is really improving as of yet.
Last night he 'raged' and had 'hysterics' for over 1hr. It took me and his father to get him to anything close to manageable, and he ended up having a bath at 10.30 to try and calm him a little. But he went to sleep crying,sad.
My poor DD was struggling and despite trying to give her attention, she is still being affected by it.
The reasons for his outbursts are complex, but I am exhausted and sad. He goes to secondary school in september and I am dreading it. It just goes on and on and on. Need to offload a little.
I am leaving him to sleep because he will be impossible at school as he is so tired, which means explaining to the teachers yet again that he is in a state. I ache for him, but am frustrated and stressed as well. His hormones will be kicking in and then we will have that to cope with. (this isn't pre-teen angst, he has been like it for years, but as of yet has had no 'official' dx, so help has been hard to get).
Trying to 'just keep swimming' but it always seems to be upstream.sadOh help.
I am struggling. He has woken up in a foul mood. Saying nasty things, telling me no-one cares or understands, that I have to give up work, he is going to refuse tyo go to school
I don't know how to do this. He can't keep taking time off school because he doesn't feel like going in but he is also obvioiusly not happy. I have masses and masses of work to do.
My parents can't help and I don't want to ring his dad. It is a night mare and I have had enough. I am feeling wound up and nearly shouted at him.
H won't stop going on about how much he fancies me now that the marriage is over, and despite treating me like crap fo a very long time expects me to draw a line so we can move on.
He says it is up to me to 'say the word', not really dealing with what bought me to this point in the first place.
I don't know what to do. I really don't. I am trying so hard because I am trying to fight deptression but it is not easy and when I start to make progress because I want to have something more out of life than this constant uphill struggle, something knocks me back.
I want to laugh and have days of just 'being', not constantly dealing with tension and fraught emotions and It might be selfish but I want to stop having to be the one to have to 'manage' everything so it doesn't all spiral out of control.
I want to sort my own head out and be me again because somewhere in this fucked up head there is a girl who loves life and wants to enjoy it and get the most out of what it has to offer.
We go through this most of the time is DS doesn't get his own way or someone says something in the wrong tone of voice or looks at him wrong (and H for that matter).
If the poor boy has some kind or 'problem', whatever that may be, it is so so sad, but I am scared that this will never ever end.
fALLING APART