Half an AIBU and half a WWYD, but come and advise please?

[Aimsmum]

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Aimsmum I just can't believe him, he is beyond out of order. I am fuming on your behalf at him blowing his money when he got sacked because he knew it was his last for a while- wtf? This isn't a man, and definitely isn't a father. I think you have behaved impeccably wrt inviting his family to the party, well done you. And well done to dd for making her communion- I made mine at Easter when I converted!

(formerly threelittlebabies btw)

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It is difficult but I think maybe let the money thing go. The money is for dd and not strictly yours. Clearly he should be contributing but if he doesn't want to or can't (rubbish but maybe true) because of his gambling problem, all your effort trying to make him will not have an effect other than to get you wound up and upset. If she has a good relationship with her father that is the most important thing. She'll recognise your input and his when she's older. I told my XP I did not care whether he paid anything at all. That it was up to him to pay or not and that if he didn't he would be doing his children out of something and would have to take responsibility for that at some stage with them. We have an arrangement which we have both assessed to be manageable for him in every financial situation he might be in - he changes job a lot, so he has no excuse for not paying it. If your ex is a gambler then maybe that amount at first might have to be very small - £5 a week maybe? So that he got used to keeping on paying that amount regularly. Then maybe you could build it up till it was higher. The CSA would take money out of his wages before he got them so he couldn't gamble it away and this would be a good option for you if you wanted the money but personally I think it'd be better to help him to understand how to pay regularly of his own accord. NEVER EVER rely on getting anything from your ex, treat it as a bonus if you get it.

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