To force dd1 to join playscheme 3 days a week, during the summer holidays?

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

She is adamant that she wants to stay at home.

My house is a mess after half term, dd1 is very 'high maintenance' I cannot cope with 6 solid weeeks.

I have told her that she must join playscheme, Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

The lazy moo just 'wants to stay at home and play on the DS'

YABU - I am a WOHM and I would cut off my own arm NOT to have to send my DCs to a holiday club. I would much rather be at home with them having fun.

I admit I have a skewed view as I have WOHM guilt but I do think you are being a bit unfair - she's only little.

could you give her a week at home first? Then she might see the benefits of having lots of children her own age to play with.

BTW don't take in the judgey posts - they don't know you or your daughter. Bear in mind that if you're on your lunch at work with the weather as it is, being at home to play with the dc seems very inviting! A few rose tinted spectacles perhaps...

and don't call her a lazy moo, she is only 5

Just wanted to say you are getting a bashing here and it seems a bit unfair.

After all she will still have 4 days a week with you, plus before and afterwards.

Is she quite sociable (ie will she enjoy being around the other kids?)

I can understand you feeling daunted at 6 weeks at home with the DC.

Otoh - you say you don't get time with DC2 - isn't DD1 in school?

Sorry but I agree with the YABU replies.
I have to send my dc to a playscheme 2 days a week in the holidays as I work and it breaks my heart to do it but I have no choice.
If I didn't work there's no way I'd send them. They aren't little for very long and I wish I could spend more time with them than I do.
Also, keeping dd2 at home is bound to make her feel pushed out and a bit jealous.
Sorry!

TYhink it sounds like your dd1 is feeling pushed out. And unless you are having dd2 looked after outside the home I can see that it would be very hurtful and your dd is probably jealous.

I would be the other way round though, I am loath to send DS1 to any activities because DS2 is lost without him.

Much easier having both here.

Oh for goodness sake, most children are what we would describe as high maintenance. That's what a child's job description is!

And yes, my dc's can drive me to distraction, but I would never force them into a playscheme if they didn't want to go. And she is only 5 years old. She's a little tiny girl who doesn't want to be sent away for 3 days a week.

She'll think you're favouring her sister.

You asked if YABU, but I don't think you like the answers.

frankbestfriend - That's exactly what I thought.

OP - My DS2 is very high maintenance, and it can be wearing. I also got to the point where I was desperate for a break. The problem is, that when you let the child know that, they tend to become even more high maintenance. What helped me in the end, was to change my own reactions to him. We now have a wonderful, close relationship.

SSSS - what exactly do you mean by 'high maintenance'? I can understand you not wanting to have her around at home if she wrecks things and teases her sister, but maybe you need to tackle these issues with her now?

You are her parent and its up to you to steer her behaviour in ways which is appropriate for both of you. She is young, and you will have a long road ahead if she drives you nuts already!

I don't disagree with playschemes which are age appropriate, which the ones you have chosen obviously are. But I think there is some other stuff here which you are avoiding.

Oh come on it's hardly like she is neglected and fwiw it's normally dd2 who is left at home with DH while me and dd1 go shopping or to the cinema at weekends.

So I hardly think I am giving dd1 the impression that dd2 is more important than her.

She is very very hyper and I just don't have the time or money to do all the things with her that they could do.

My idea was while I was at home I could catch up on the chores and then the other four days we could go out, esp the weekends when Dh is off.

Also it would only be five weeks as we are going camping for a week, during the holidays.

YANBU - she is moaning because she doesn't know what to expect so maybe try approaching it differently - find out what they are likely to get up to and then talk to her about it. if she loves arts and crafts say 'well aren't you luck becuase at playscheme they make this and that' etc - make it sound fun and appealing.

I hated trying new things when i was you younger and always kicked up a fuss but mainly because i was shy and scared of new situations and people. I always ended up loving having things to do in the holidays. Sure there were times when i felt i was being palmed off by my mother who didn't want to spend time with me, but I also realised that I had more fun playing with other kids and being active than sitting at home reading or watching TV.

If she is adamant to stay at home then tell her that is fine, but there is no DS (why does she have computer games when she is 5?) and that as she is a big girl making decisions for herself now she is old enough to help with choresa round the house. Buy her a mop and duster and tell her the scheduled chores you have planned for when she is meant to be at playgroup and i am pretty sure she would rather be finger painting than doing laundry.

I appreciate some mothers seem to think that spending all your time with your kids is the only way to parent, but when you have a very high maintenance child to parent and another to car for any help you can find to get a balance is really important. Not all kids are the same and parenting is exhausting. Do whatever you need to be able to find it enjoyable and manageable. I think finding a play group for her is a great idea - i think you may have just sold it to her wrong.

But if she feels pushed out, her behaviour is hardly likely to improve. Spending time with her is probably what she needs. I know it is hard with two, but it sounds like there's more than one high maintenance lady in the house!

PS sorry for atrocious spelling : pregnancy brain and sleep deprivation + no spell check do not make for a very literate stigaloid today

SSSS - actually, it seems as if you have made your mind up that you are going to send her to playscheme.

Not necessarily LSITD, but I am feeling defensive because posters who know nothing else about me other than I'd like dd1 to go to Playscheme are accusing me of favouring dd2 and finding dd1 to be an inconvience.

Now that my inconvient child has finished the mince and dumplings she wanted to make we are off to the beach

Dd1 is prone to be lazy unless she is 'made' to do something, which 9 times out of ten she enjoys when she gets there.

She likes to sit in front of the tv or lay on her bed. That would be all she would do if she was allowed to.

And by high maintence I mean today she has;

located the keys to the fromt door and let her two year old sister out again, while they were 'playing in the passage'

Threw a jug of water over dd2 because 'her face was dirty'

Smoothered baby born and the puppy with suncream, which is now all over my carpet

Ate dd2's dumplings and made her cry.

And she is now running nekkid and screeching through out the house because she wants to watch Hannah Montana and not go out.

She is

I think 3 days a week is possibly a lot all the way through the holiday but nothing wrong with 1 or 2 days IMO. But I do thing she has to want to go, rather than just you sending her there.

YABU
She is only five, you should all be out having fun

1-2 days a week I mean.

I have been considered signing my DD up for a few days of playscheme in the summer (not a weekly thing, just the odd secial day I have seen) as I know she'd love it. However, difference is (as well as being a bit older) is that she actually wants to do it.

It's hard when you post in aibu and get an almost resounding yes, but the reason you posted is to get opinions, no?

I think you have received a few harsh comments, but also some good advice on how to manage the chores whilst both children are at home.

I do think you sound quite negative about dd1. I have a very high maintainance daughter too, and by that I mean she is always on the go and needs lots of attention and trips out to keep her occupied. She is not happy to laze around in front of the tv, which is the impression you give of your dd. So which is it? Lazy or hyper?

Sorry if I sound a little harsh, I am just trying to give you a different perspective on the situation.

I tend to think yabu here. I can understand you needing a quieter day where you can catch up on things (but won't you have the younger dd with you ) but I don't think you need three days!

I certainly wouldn't force her to go but I would maybe try and encourage her to go one morning a week, so that she had something structured to do.

How old is your other dd? It can't be that hard to go to the park or pack up a picnic can it? Does she have any close friends that you could invite over to play and then dd go there to play?

I have two dc's and dd is quite "high maintenance". I don't drive and I have no family who are in a position to help out/or they choose not to My dh is self-employed and works five and a half days plus four evenings a week, every week. No holidays, weekends or Bank Holidays to help out but I try to take them out at least one day on my own during the hols because otherwise we'd go stir-crazy! Mine love going on short train rides (kids travel for a pound to most destinations from where I live) so it doesn't even have to cost a lot.

It is hard but they are your children and as you are a sahm, I really think you are the best person to look after them.

Hope I didn't sound judgey because I know how hard it can be going round in circles with housework, arguing etc when you are at home all the time

Blimey, lots of people posted while I was typing that

I now see that dd2 is 2.

Hope you have a good time at the beach

Also take into account the money. Playschemes are often pretty expensive. Could you use that cash to pay for a cleaner for 6 weeks of the holidays and then just have the rest of the time to be out and about having fun with both your DDs. I think you mention that your other DD is 2 - so a great age for being able to play with DD1 I'd have thought.

Also - I second arranging some playdates. DD can then go off with her friend and play, leaving you with some time with DD2.

SeaShells - having a "high maintenance" DS2, I can see where you are coming from.

1. She will get to do something that once she is there she will enjoy.

1. You get a break

1. Having a break, gives you more energy to channel into those days that she is at home with you.