To want some piece and quiet?!

[feelingsillyandfoolish]

Posted a few weeks ago about teenage sons and today is no better. Sorry to moan but feeling down about it and them

18 year old has his friend round and both are acting like 12 year olds. They've eaten practically a whole loaf of bread and raided the fridge twice and he is showing off in front of his friend being so babyish and irritating. For about the past 15 mins he's been knocking some golf balls together which has been really p*ssing me off!

I got the camera out to video him to show him how annoying it was but he got very cross and called me a bully. He's so much taller than me, he towers over me and ordered i delete it, which i did

Feel totally threatened - he has no respect for me which i'm no doubt is my fault but i just don't know what to do.

I feel i cannot relax when he has friends over and never get any piece and quiet. Am sat here in tears again but feel like i am stuck in this situation with literally no way out

He won't get a job, he's 'getting fit' Nothing seems to work and i feel like his slave most of the time.

The only thing i have done which has worked is got him to wash all his own clothes, apart from that. he'll do nothing, doesn't work, and demands everything.

I'm sure there will be lots of people wanting to tell me what a failure i have been but i already know that and would really like any ideas to get out of this situation.

[feelingsillyandfoolish]

Thanks everyone

TheProvincialLady - I have asked him to sign on so he is bringing in some money and looking for work but he refuses. - I don't think i can make him can i!? (Would love too!)

shineoncrazydiamond - there did used to be lots of boundaries in the house which were stuck too for all DCs, but after some family problems, everything went downhill from there and with 18 year old, his whole personality changed and i got emotionally weak to their demands

[feelingsillyandfoolish]

stuck to*

[oldraver]

I dont understand the pocket money. You should not be giving him money, he should be paying YOU.

[atworknotworking]

Well said Shiney!

Feeling Silly - It's a good start and you should stick to your rules from hear on in, sounds like you have had a hard time of things but I'm glad you are realizing that changes need to be made, I'm not sure why you are giving pocket money though and lifts to party's I don't want to sound disrespectful but at 18 he is an adult and should be getting to his own parties and earning his own pocketmoney and paying board. Is he a student? if so most students have part time jobs and student grants to support themselves, if he hasn't got a job surely he should get down the job centre and sign on do some training or something.

Can you not get dad to back you up on this, surely he doesn't think his behaviour is acceptable?

[atworknotworking]

One of my DD friend's gets £30 a week pocketmoney at 9yrs old! this child has very little respect for the value of things or parents and constantly wants more cos it's only 50 100 pounds, sad thing is that the child gets it wonder what this one's like at 18.

My DD gets pocket money for doing little jobs usually about £10 a week which I think is still a lot (I used to get 20p how inflation has changed) but she has respect, understands that things have a value and a work ethic. If you still want to give DS £ why not get him to do some jobs around the house.

[Quattrocento]

Um well it's a start

But I still think you are supporting him in being idle and parasitic. And that's bad. If he were to move out and live on benefits alone - would that not be a strong motivating force for him? So that to get out of poverty and to be able to go to parties and play golf and have a good time, he has to be working?

Fair enough to support a student of course but given that he's doing nothing, why are you encouraging this?

[3littlefrogs]

It sounds as if he needs some help with anger management. Have you talked to your GP?

He should be out looking for work - any work. He can walk or cycle - look on freecycle for a bike. DS1 cycled everywhere on a beat up old bike. He dropped out of school so was told in no uncertain terms that he had to earn his keep. DS1 went through some very difficult times and we went through all the business of drugs, bad behaviour etc. Tough love is the only way.

Do you think drugs might figure somewhere in his inability to control his temper?

[feelingsillyandfoolish]

Am going to see how things go with things. Will keep you updated!

[TheProvincialLady]

FSAF you asked what you could do if you can't make him sign on. You could stop giving him cash, for a start. What do you think he would do then? I am guessing that he wants money for going out etc.

You sound so down trodden and frightened of your son