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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to HATE being refered to as a 'lady of leisure'

39 replies

Boobalina · 29/05/2009 13:12

since I lost my job a few months ago, I am now a SAHM and its great.

However, it really gets on my wick when people, particularly mothers infer I now have heaps of time on my hands and I am a lady of leisure? My kids are 4.5 and 20 months - they are very spirited!

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 29/05/2009 13:17

I would hope if they are also mums that they are joking rather than serious. You can always act like they are anyway, by laughing and saying "Yeah, right, with this pair?", to make the point without making a big issue about it.

Original poster
Boobalina · 29/05/2009 13:18

I generally say that I spend all day reading Heat magazine and eating cakes.

OP posts:
mumof2222222222222222boys · 29/05/2009 13:18

since I have been back at work full time, I feel I have elements of leisure (sitting on tube, reading books, lunchtimes, occasional drinks after work, coffees made for me by colleagues without someone demanding to go for a wee / have a drink / play etc etc). I never felt that as a SAHM.

YANBU. At all.

MIAonline · 29/05/2009 13:21

YANBU, unless you have an army of nannies, cooks and cleaners full time and don't work then you could perhaps be regarded as a lady of leisure

ScarlettCrossbones · 29/05/2009 13:22

YANBU. I temporarily went back to work between children, and considered it a relaxed break in the day compared to my madly busy (and sometimes drudgery-bound) home life!

RumourOfAHurricane · 29/05/2009 13:27

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bohemianbint · 29/05/2009 13:29

I think I'd probably thump anyone who said that to me. (Having a bad day!)

Original poster
Boobalina · 29/05/2009 13:29

Oh dont Shine - I want to smack peoples bottoms when I hear that!

I have no 'help' at all, but kids are in nursery for 2 days a week ;) and then I do allt he cleaning, laundry, shopping, diy

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 29/05/2009 13:35

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onthepier · 29/05/2009 13:59

I remember years ago being in the post office with my two, (aged about 1 and 4), when I heard "Hi ONTHEPIER, lady of lesiure are we now?", said in quite a sarcastic tone.

Turned round to see an ex-colleague smirking at me, (she's never had children btw and always made a big thing of saying she never would). Can't remember what I said back tbh, something like "not quite as leisurely as you'd think!"

Those comments are infuriating though, specially if it's taken all your energy to actually get out that morning, with tantrums, dirty nappies, etc!!

wasabipeanut · 29/05/2009 14:05

Ah yes I have been on the recieving end of a few of these comments since quitting part time work to go freelance. Several friends seem to think I have endless amounts of time.

I'm not that fussed really although can be a bit annoying when it comes after a massive tantrum, spectacular nappy, lunch refusal when you spent ages making something nice etc.

I have a pretty nice life to be fair.

MichelleObama · 29/05/2009 14:06

Yes, how I know that feeling. It's even worse since since my youngest started school. I have been been on the receiving end of comments like that on numerous occasions. I just smile and say 'Yes, I lie on the sofa and eat chocolates all day'.
In fact I am studying fulltime with the OU and do loads of volunteer work, because strangely enough, I WANT to work - I just can't find a job.

Morloth · 29/05/2009 14:16

Well it doesn't bother me, because really I am (only have one kid and he is at school now). However I would have ripped someone's head off if they had said that when I had a 20 month old.

Ninkynork · 29/05/2009 14:23

YANBU. When I stopped teaching I had been a single parent working from when DD was two months old until just over one year. Not having to get out of the house with all her equipment, clothes etc.. for childminders by half seven each morning was a definite plus but I had been knocked for six by the relentlessness of it.

The culprit was an immaculately-groomed young ex-colleague. Think I may have said something like, "on the contrary, I still don't have evenings or weekends off as you do and I don't get a lunch, fag break or time to think while travelling any more either". Said with a patient smile, but oh, I was seething!

LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 14:32

Who has said it boobalina?

I haven't had this (yet) but I suspect i would resort to violence. If I wasn't too tired

Kimi · 29/05/2009 14:35

I just say I spend the day watching Trisha and eating bonbons

Original poster
Boobalina · 29/05/2009 14:37

One of the culprits was the nursery owner! The others have mostly been other mothers?! Odd odd odd!

OP posts:
misshardbroom · 29/05/2009 14:37

After DD was born, the rest of my NCT group went back to work full time and I was the only SAHM.

One of them in particular used to refer to 'the luxury of staying at home'.

I hadn't had a wee in private for 12 months, I didn't get any sort of lunch break or tea break, couldn't read the latest gossipy email without someone banging on the keyboard shouting 'Beeeeebeeeeeees now Mummmeeeeeee'; my house was covered in a veneer of Petit Filous; I had no money for my hair or nails to get any sort of attention and I had become invisible to shop assistants.

Farking luxury, that was.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 14:39

Maybe you are missing a sympatetic sarky jokey tone to their comments? Otherwise that is baffling...

Ninkynork · 29/05/2009 14:44

Perhaps I missed the jokiness, certainly. You'd think a teacher who must get hacked off at all the comments about lovely long paid holidays and leaving at ten past three every day wouldn't say something so daft, but there you go.

Now I wish I'd said something like that in return, I definitely missed a trick there

goodbyesunhellomoon · 29/05/2009 14:44

well put misshardbroom!

To people like that I say it's a luxury to have the choice between working or staying at home.....it's not a luxury to be anything if you don't have a choice in the matter.....unless of course being a SAHM was your life long dream.

Original poster
Boobalina · 29/05/2009 14:50

I would like to work in some ways but its not cost effect with both in nursery. Its weird, it took til I lost my job to realise it after returning back to work with number 2. I think I did my 'I'm going back to work after DD' when I still had baby-brain and got all my figures wrong.

So I'm at home with the kidders, broke de broke, but really enjoy it - huzzah.

OP posts:
PrimroseHall · 29/05/2009 14:51

YANBU

I have a friend who says that I "have the life of Riley". Really pisses me off.

I just grit my teeth and change the subject.

Original poster
Boobalina · 29/05/2009 14:53

Guess grass is greener etc etc?

OP posts:
misshardbroom · 29/05/2009 17:36

I think goodbyesun is right, that the luxury lies in having the choice.

I'm extremely lucky that we could pay our mortgage and bills and feed ourselves on one salary. So yes, I definitely had the luxury of choice.

But in choosing to be a SAHM, I had to accept that (in our family, at least) there wouldn't be any money for the 'nice to have' stuff, and I think you also sacrifice a very great deal of your individual identity unless you really proactively ringfence time and money for yourself.