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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think drunken w*nkers on the bus should not be allowed by other passengers to continue harassing women?

52 replies

Kathyis6incheshigh · 29/05/2009 05:50

Or harassing me specifically.
Was having bad enough day already but then drunken wanker sitting behind me started shouting at me. Couldn't quite make out what he was saying but then he started to ask me my name and put his hand on my shoulder. I asked him VERY LOUDLY to get his hand off me and leave me alone. Everyone else (it was 6pm ish and the bus was crowded) sitting there very silent and British,b staring straight ahead and pretending nothing was going on. (I couldn't move seats because the bus was too crowded.)

He spent the rest of the journey shouting that I was an ugly bitch, that he was going to kill me etc

OP posts:
screamingabdab · 29/05/2009 08:01

I would have supported you! I am always putting my oar in.

But I would have got off the bus if I were you, he could have been truly dangerous.

rubyslippers · 29/05/2009 08:04

why didn't the driver radio for help and ask him to get off the bus?

FWIW, i would have stuck my nose in

Original poster
Kathyis6incheshigh · 29/05/2009 08:42

We were towards the back so the driver may not have noticed what was going on - that's why I'm blaming the other passengers rather than driver!
Most of the journey was rural so if I got off I would have been stranded in the middle of nowhere with the risk that he might have got off too. Was hugely relieved when he didn't get off at my stop - I have to walk through a graveyard to get home and would not like to do so with someone following me!
Thank you for saying you would have supported me

OP posts:
dittany · 29/05/2009 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovemyshoes · 29/05/2009 08:53

That must have been really frightening for you.

Could you not report it, I thought that most buses were fitted with hidden cctv these days.

Original poster
Kathyis6incheshigh · 29/05/2009 09:32

CCTV doesn't have sound does it? It was pretty much all verbal except when he tried to grab my shoulder.

OP posts:
solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 29/05/2009 09:34

I do sympathise, this has happened to me (and I thumped the bloke in the end; was 8 months PG at the time) - no one else took any notice. FWIW I would report it to the bus company at least and suggest that their drivers be instructed to intervene when one passenger is harassing another.

Original poster
Kathyis6incheshigh · 29/05/2009 09:36

"(and I thumped the bloke in the end; was 8 months PG at the time)"

OP posts:
TheDevilWearsPenneys · 29/05/2009 09:39

Most bus drivers don't care either.

An old flatmate of mine was once abducted by one, he drove her to the middle of nowhere on the bus ffs, clearly he was crazy.

VinegarTits · 29/05/2009 09:43

fooking ell, i'm staying away from buses

KingRolo · 29/05/2009 09:44

Getting off the bus is the worst thing you can do - what if he gets off with you?

I think you were unlucky to be on a bus full of useless selfish tossers tbh. When I was 14 a very creepy man started talking to me and put his hand on my leg. I shouted 'get off' and a man sitting a couple of rows behind grabbed the man and told him in no uncertain terms to leave me alone or he would 'rearrange' his face.

KingCanuteIAm · 29/05/2009 09:45

Kathy, what did he look like?

Original poster
Kathyis6incheshigh · 29/05/2009 09:48

I honestly didn't get a good view because he was behind me and the worst thing I could have done was to turn around and look at him - but from what I saw the one time I did turn round briefly he was white, 40ish, bit stubbly, scruffy, short hair. Not enough description to do anything with really!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kathyis6incheshigh · 29/05/2009 09:50

why do you ask KingCanute?

OP posts:
CherryChoc · 29/05/2009 09:51

I was on a bus with a drunken wanker once, everyone did step in although he seemed harmless (he kept asking long-haired men and short-haired women what gender they were. And saying he liked to sniff old ladies' panties. And something else about how he'd never had to pay for sex, or something) - but mostly in a taking-the-piss kind of way, it was like this one man had control of the situation which lightened the atmosphere on the bus.

Then he started harassing the driver and everyone really got involved then and he was made to get off at the next stop.

Drivers don't seem to have radios here, they have mobile phones but can only use them when stationary.

KingCanuteIAm · 29/05/2009 09:53

That is a shame.

If I were you though I would be tempted to report it. It will not help you at all but the police can collect the CCTV and keep it on file. That way, if he does this regularly, they can show a pattern rather than a one off IYSWIM.

TBH I am a bit shocked, I know you are fairly near to me and it is pretty unusual to see this kind of thing IME!

Original poster
Kathyis6incheshigh · 29/05/2009 10:00

It's the bus to Hull KingCanute (no offence to anyone who lives in Hull!) - you actually quite often get people on it who are drunk or look like they live on the streets, but normally they don't cause trouble.

You're right about reporting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kathyis6incheshigh · 29/05/2009 10:01

I don't mind friendly drunks

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 29/05/2009 10:02

Ahh, right I was under the impression that you were out the other side. That makes it slightly less shocking (sorry if that offends anyone!)

Original poster
Kathyis6incheshigh · 29/05/2009 10:04

LOL.
The Malton bus goes just before it and you can usually tell which bus someone is going to get from how they are dressed. (Smart middle aged ladies always go to Malton.)

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 29/05/2009 10:05

Sounds familiar!

Kimi · 29/05/2009 10:11

I would have helped you, someone should have alerted the driver and this pisshead should have been chucked off the bus,

I get really cross when people see this sort of thing and pretend not too, ok if you do not want to get involved directly at least inform the driver or call the police.

screamingabdab · 29/05/2009 11:42

Kathy I was assuming it was a London bus, can't think why ....

MrsMerryHenry · 29/05/2009 11:50

Poor Kathy, that's awful. I once stepped in and helped a woman escape from a drunken lech on a train, by showing her a 'hidden' seat which she could move to. She did so, thanking me, and then the lech started having a go at me. Did anyone stand up to defend me? Is the Pope a Muslim?

I ended up instructing him that he was drunk and to stop embarassing himself. In my best teacher voice. Funnily enough, he shut up after that!

I hate the fact that people are so self-absorbed in big cities like London (where I live).

Another time I stopped a fight at a train station but that's another story.

MIFLAW · 29/05/2009 12:10

I have to say - as someone who knows a lot of drunks - that drunks, especially men, can be very scary, can be very unpredictable, and drunkenness can also mask serious mental health issues. Also, a drunk's boundaries are blurred so if he or she is carrying a weapon (or even a tool or other possession that could be used as a weapon) he or she is more likely to use it drunk than sober.

In other words, while I am not saying what happened to you was right, part of me understands why your fellow passengers weren't queuing up to intervene.