To not go with dd for her check up?

[Pinkjenny]

I know I am being unreasonable, so am hoping for some words of wisdom/encouragement/a slap.

Dd was born with disclocated hips, she wore a pavlik harness until she was 15 weeks old, and although she was successfully treated, we have to go to Alder Hey every 12 months for an x-ray and check up until she turns 5yo.

I got myself so worked up last year (she is 2yo) that I actually brought the appointment forward and presented at Alder Hey with her in floods of tears. She was 'normal', but 'on the verge of normal'. I was told that she should just move more and more into the normal range as she gets older, and particularly as she wasn't walking last year when we went. So you could say that as she has now been walking for ten months, the result should be even better this time.

I have struggled a lot with anxiety over the hips, despite all the horrifying sights we have seen on our trips to Alder Hey. Dd will be taken in for an x-ray, then we will wait to see the Orthapaedic nurse who will give us the results. I am famous in the clinic for being totally hysterical, and spoke to the nurse a couple of weeks ago, who said that she couldn't give me any guarantees, and that it was 'uncommon' for a problem to recur once the hips had been treated. She said, 'It does happen, but very rarely'.

I am a ball of anxiety, whereas dh is completely horizontal about it. He is completely confident that she is fine, and counts us as very lucky that it was dx so early and treated so soon. I am pg with number 2, and therefore I won't be able to go into x-ray with dd this time. I am wondering whether I should just let dh take her.

I am worried that this means I am shirking my responsibilities and 'running away' a bit. If dd does have a problem now, it would mean an operation and up to 6 months in a spica cast.

WWYD?

yanbu but I dont get why your dh doesnt take her all the time as your anxiety might rub off on your dd

or could you take a relative or close friend with you for a calming influence?

let dh take her....where is the problem?

Whether you attend or not won't affect the outcome of the tests, will it? Calm down, let DH take your DD, it's likely everything will be fine and you can celebrate tonight.

I suppose last time I took her she was only 11mo, so she wasn't as 'aware' of me being upset, as she would be this time.

TBH, I don't know what I'd do, people will come with good advice. I just hope everything goes well for you all.

It's not until the 8th of June.

I am worried that I am somehow failing in my parental responsibilities if I don't go. Almost like, 'Oh well dd, this upsets mummy too much, so I'm not going to come'.

let dh take her you won't feel so worked up about it when she is a little older.
you could go in the car but not go into the hospital if you preferred.

Do you feel that DH is failing in his parental responsibilities as he didn't take her the last time. . ? He is her daddy and has as much responsibility as you so you should make everyone's lives easier and let him take her.

Thanks shineon - I suppose I feel a bit like it's up to me to protect her and support her, and just because something scares me, it doesn't mean that I should just be able to avoid it.

Am I making any sense or just being ridiculous?

Caurnie - that's a good point, no I don't. I have tended to just go on my own, as dh's laid-back approach to the whole thing just incenses me when I am sitting there with my stomach in knots and my knees knocking together!

I think just let dh go, and stop beating yourself up about it

In our family it's me that was laid back about the kids hospital appointments and DH that gets in knots over it so he stays home (well work usually) and I did the visits. It didn't mean he was failing in his responsibilities it just made more sense because the appointments were more pleasant for the kids, me and him.

I seriously thought I was going to get flamed and called a bad mother! I am amazed at the responses.

Pinkjenny-you've got a loooooooooooong way to go before you could be classed as a bad mother.

I have such a fear of needles that my ex took ds for all his jabs, even after we had split up. I knew that going with his dad he would be calm, whereas I would work myself up so much about it, ds would be worked up about it as well, IYSWIM.

So no, YANBU. And you are definately not failing as a parent. In fact, you could look at it as you are being a responsible parent because you are not inflicting your fears onto your dd.

You're not failing her by making sure she gets to her appointment, with someone who cares for her and will deal ok with the medical staff. At 2, she doesn't need any reason why she's going with daddy but not mummy, she'll not be bothered and your DH will be able to keep her calm and unbothered during the examinations etc.

I know it's a different league, but my DH has an issue with dentists and finds it hard enough to go there himself. Because of that, we always made sure that I would be available to take DS to the dentist, even if it would have looked (on paper!) more convenient for DH to do it.

It's the responsibility of both of you as parents to make sure things happen. How you arrange that between you depends on lots of factors, and isn't for anyone else to judge.

Thanks shineon. And everyone else. I shall start a thread the morning that they go whilst I pace the floor.

You win 'Calm Mother'. I so hope that dc2 makes me calmer.

I actually attended an anxiety management group for six weeks last year which did help, in the run up to the last appointment, interestingly enough.

I am much better these days, but the hip thing, well, it's my nemesis. I think because it was so unexpected. I suppose the more active she is, the more I worry about the ramifications of a problem, iyswim.