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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go with dd for her check up?

41 replies

Pinkjenny · 28/05/2009 14:22

I know I am being unreasonable, so am hoping for some words of wisdom/encouragement/a slap.

Dd was born with disclocated hips, she wore a pavlik harness until she was 15 weeks old, and although she was successfully treated, we have to go to Alder Hey every 12 months for an x-ray and check up until she turns 5yo.

I got myself so worked up last year (she is 2yo) that I actually brought the appointment forward and presented at Alder Hey with her in floods of tears. She was 'normal', but 'on the verge of normal'. I was told that she should just move more and more into the normal range as she gets older, and particularly as she wasn't walking last year when we went. So you could say that as she has now been walking for ten months, the result should be even better this time.

I have struggled a lot with anxiety over the hips, despite all the horrifying sights we have seen on our trips to Alder Hey. Dd will be taken in for an x-ray, then we will wait to see the Orthapaedic nurse who will give us the results. I am famous in the clinic for being totally hysterical, and spoke to the nurse a couple of weeks ago, who said that she couldn't give me any guarantees, and that it was 'uncommon' for a problem to recur once the hips had been treated. She said, 'It does happen, but very rarely'.

I am a ball of anxiety, whereas dh is completely horizontal about it. He is completely confident that she is fine, and counts us as very lucky that it was dx so early and treated so soon. I am pg with number 2, and therefore I won't be able to go into x-ray with dd this time. I am wondering whether I should just let dh take her.

I am worried that this means I am shirking my responsibilities and 'running away' a bit. If dd does have a problem now, it would mean an operation and up to 6 months in a spica cast.

WWYD?

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 28/05/2009 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Pinkjenny · 28/05/2009 15:13

I hope so, shineon, I really do. A lot of hospital trusts discharge them once the hips are treated, so I am hoping that that demonstrates the unlikelihood of a problem recurring.

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 28/05/2009 15:17

I find that if I am very anxious I don't hear what the Doctors are saying to me.

Or I hear one thing (usually bad) and focus on that, and all the other stuff goes in one ear and out the other.

I'd say definitely let your DH take her.

And yes I think a second child will make you a bit calmer. I had my second quite quickly and part of the reason for that was that I was in such a state of anxiety over PFB I had started to think that it wouldn't be good for him. As my next-door neighbour at the time (an elderly lady) said: you can only worry yourself to the bone about one of 'em at a time. She was right...

Original poster
Pinkjenny · 28/05/2009 15:20

I think you're all absolutely right. I just feel for dh who will be questioned stringently all evening of the 8th regarding what the doctor said.

OP posts:
LovelyTinOfSpam · 28/05/2009 15:22

I am sure that there are things that would freak DH out that you are calm on. And it's probably going to be you doing all the difficult "growing up" chats later!

DH should take her, no question, no point in putting yourself through the mill.

Plus he will be calm enough to ask any sensible questions about stuff that they tell him and retain the answers, which is not easy when you're having a nervous confloption.

lucky1979 · 28/05/2009 20:22

Pinkjenny, if it's any consolation at all, I had dislocated hips when I was born and no one noticed until I was well over a year old. I have got some problems with them, but I have a full and relatively active live, and am currently pregnant with DC1.

I'm just telling you as, I was pretty much a worst case scenario in that my problem developed unchecked for a very long time, and I'm fine, so your DC will be absolutely fine as well, even if there are some problems now. The more active she is the better and the doctors will look after her brilliantly.

Also, my mother took to her bed for two weeks when I first went into hospital and my dad dealt with everything apparently. I have no memory what so ever of this bit, so in a few years your DD is going to have no memory of you not being there at this appointment at all, but she might if you are there and very very upset. So don't beat yourself up about not going, and concentrate of the fact she's going to be fine.

cheshirekitty · 28/05/2009 20:35

Pinkjenny, it is obvious you love your dd very much. You are not a bad mother.

Let your dh take the strain this time. You are pregnant with your 2nd child, and you can do without more emotional stress.

Your dd will be fine with your dh. I hope everything goes ok with your dd treatment.

Original poster
Pinkjenny · 29/05/2009 09:13

Thank you all very much for your kind words! I never expected to be supported on this one!

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 29/05/2009 09:15

YOur DH is her parents just as much as you are. If you went and he didn't, would h be failing in his parental responsibilities? No. And neither are you, if he goes and you don't.

Anyway, pregnant ladies get special dispensation for avoiding things that upset them, it's the rules

TrillianAstra · 29/05/2009 09:17

Pfft - it takes more thsn that to get a flaming.

Kayzr · 29/05/2009 09:21

PinkJenny, I have to get DH to take our boys for their jabs. I hate needles and it scares me so much.

Could you stay at home and plan a surprise special lunch or a picnic in the garden for when she comes home? Then you can feel like you are doing something good while she is having her appointment.

cory · 29/05/2009 09:31

My dh has taken dd to a lot of her medical appointments over the years. Just out of convenience and because he's her dad. She'd never even think of asking why daddy was taking her rather than me: we're both her parents. In cases of emergency or accidents, I shout for dh: he's done a First Aid course at work; that's my get-out clause

Original poster
Pinkjenny · 29/05/2009 09:36

She's come down with blardy chickenpox now, so we may need to move the appointment anyway. Gordon bloody Bennett.

OP posts:
cazzybabs · 29/05/2009 09:36

I think you are NOT being unreasonable in not going...god I hate it when my children have a slight cut on their knees and make dh deal with it.

There is nothing worse than your childrne being hurt or poorly - you want to be able to be ill for them.

Let dh take her and you sit at home with a bottle of wine ready to celebrate the good news...less stress for all concerned.

AMumInScotland · 29/05/2009 09:39

Oh isn't that typical of children? You just get something sorted out and they pick up a bug! Hope she's not too bad with it, it's horrid for them being itchy and not understanding why!

Original poster
Pinkjenny · 29/05/2009 09:51

She seems fine, so far, a bit itchy, but playing normally.

OP posts:
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