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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or just weird to avoid snogging my husband?

59 replies

mulranno · 27/05/2009 18:10

TBH I really dont like it when my husband snogs me...its always a slobbery french kiss..and kind of turns me off...so I avoid it...we have a great sex life...just dont like the snogging...goes back to when we first met and he was a heavy smoker with bad teeth...Jesus how did I stay with him!!...all that has been resolved...doesnt smoke...expensive dental work...but I am still hung up...are we or is he just a crap kisser? Can we/he learn to do it better?...does it have to be frech?...feel like a sad teenager posting this

OP posts:
lazylion · 28/05/2009 19:57

Now that would be disgusting. My DH's chin is not that big, just overused. Picture the usual french kissing motion and then add an exaggerated chin thrust upwards at the end thus detatching himself, it's not pretty.

snigger · 28/05/2009 20:01

I have to admit, DH broke his nose very badly two years ago and ever since then there are unpleasant moments where the 'squashing' becomes claustrophobic.

thell · 28/05/2009 20:37

I am the reverse of you, mulranno, I love a good snog, but managed to find a DH who does 1930s Hollywood kissing - closed lips and motionless!

To be fair, he has started getting warmed up a bit, mid-flow as it were...

It does lead me to reminisce occasionally...

ellielou02 · 28/05/2009 20:59

hehe this thread is very good!!
LOL lazylion
I love a good snog but YANBU
I fell out with DH as he was being a lazy kisser just had his lips parted slightly and moved his head slightly from side to side and I was doing all the work, much better after that though

NancysGarden · 28/05/2009 21:51

oh thell, the thought of you desperate to have a proper snog and your DH doing the 1930s moviestar kiss is too much - I think a little bit of wee just came out!

I like a good snog if I'm in the mood, but I hate facial hair and I don't see why it always has to be a fore-runner for sex. What ever happened to the romantic snog for the sake of a snog?

softgirl · 28/05/2009 22:12

I'm new here but can totally relate to you mulranno. I think a good french snog should be strictly a pre-kids thing. My DH (I'm assuming Dear Husband??) still loves it but I kinda think "what's the point now, we've sprogged twice"!!

EvenBetaDad · 28/05/2009 23:17

I hope no one minds me posting here. I am bit reluctant as it seemed an intimate subject but the thread is very funny and also a bit sad people are not enjoying kissing their DH/DP.

First thing I want to say to everyone is that, from my point of view, being given a long and deep French Kiss by a woman is totally knee tremblingly nice . If your DH/DP like it as much as me and I am sure they do, then it is only natural that they want to reciprocate to give you the same enjoyment as he is getting. I think that there though is the real problem. The man's tongue is relatively so much bigger than the womans tongue compared to her mouth - that it is perhaps quite overwhelming and it does not feel as nice to her as it does to him. Even if he has the best of intentions

I am certaily not the best kisser in the world but I am better than I was and DW taught me a lot and I think that really is the way for mulranno (and others) to sort out the problem. Try asking DP/DH to lay on his back with his eyes closed and then you lay at rigt angles on your stomach next to him with your face above him so his lips and yours are at right angles. Then kiss him and talk about how you like him doing it 'this way' and 'that way' but not by saying 'dont do this' or 'dont do that'. Show him what you want him to do but by laying him on his back his saliva wil not get in your mouth.

A nice way for a man (or woman) to use their tongue without French kisisng is to gently run the tip of the tongue around the inside of the other persons lips or just gently touching the other person tongue without putting it fully in the other persons mouth. Essentially, the man really has to just hold back a bit while receiving a French kiss but it takes practice and practicing is fun

NancysGarden - I agree really nice kiss does not have to lead to sex and is really enjoyable in itself.

*softgirl - welcome to MN. Do keep up teh French kissing with DH. He probaly really likes it like I do. Maybe you could still teach him something new for you to enjoy.

NancysGarden · 28/05/2009 23:30

Good to have a man's POV evenbetadad, liked the detail!

screamingabdab · 28/05/2009 23:32

lol at "by laying him on his back his saliva will not get in your mouth"

Beta You are absolutely right about the nice way to use the tongue. That is what we do.

screamingabdab · 28/05/2009 23:32

This certainly beats Question Time

MrsSchadenfreude · 28/05/2009 23:41

If I had pushed Brian on his back I think he would have drowned in his own saliva!

screamingabdab · 28/05/2009 23:41

Dh has just read this thread and is lol.

He has justt reminded me of his wearyingly frequent attempts to get me to "snog through the advert break" when we are watching telly together. I normally manage a "peck"

rasputin · 28/05/2009 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

screamingabdab · 28/05/2009 23:48

I did once go out with someone who was good at kissing but not very good at sex though.

Evla · 29/05/2009 00:03

LOVE this thread. I definitely think there is s kissing chemistry! in my younger snogging days I thought that some boyfriends just tasted unpleasant! Didn't really like it until I met my DH. Didn't even really fancy him until the first snog. It was a knee trembler!

AliGrylls · 29/05/2009 10:42

My DH is the best kisser in the world (I actually think he could give lessons). Always just the right amount of tongue. He is also awesome at the other thing. He just makes me melt.

I can imagine it would be hard to teach a man to kiss particularly once in an established relationship. Nobody would like to be told they were a crap kisser. I imagine improving someone's kissing skills would be a bit like having sex with someone in the early days, and focusing on the positives like "I really love it when you do that / this", "could you just do that with a little less / more pressure" etc.

However, kissing is not the only part of a relationship and if he makes you feel good and is a good father does it matter.

Good luck with it.

thell · 29/05/2009 12:21

EvenBetaDad - you have just made me go a bit wobbly!

I don't think I could do that experimental-type sesh with DH - he gets very funny about stuff like that and clams up - also it's been so long since I snogged someone else I can't remember how to do it! (during nookie it's the last thing we're actually thinking about, so it just happens)

thell · 29/05/2009 12:22

Still chuckling about the slap on the back of the head though!!

Ponymum · 29/05/2009 12:53

I will try to stop PMSL at this thread for a few moments, so that I can contribute an opinion here.

From what you have described, YANBU! However, I feel sad that you think the solution is to avoid kissing altogether. A good kiss is the best part, and I hate to think you are missing out. I am so lucky that my DH is the best kisser I have ever met, and I think he has even taught me to kiss better too. It's often the pause, the linger, the gentle touch, that means so much. There are surely about 50 different varieties of kiss, not just the one (horrible one) like your DH seems to think!

The problem is how to introduce change after all this time. Maybe tell him your part time lover taught you some new moves? He might raise him game and pay attention.

Ponymum · 29/05/2009 12:56

And nice to hear your opinion betadad. LOL at he detail by the way, are you an engineer? It is a very practical / mechanical explanation!

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/05/2009 13:02

i had a washing machine as well years ago- he was so full of slob that i had to swallowwhen we were kissing and i gagged on his saliaa

was awful!!!

saying that i love kissing my dh - i think slow kissing can be so sexy, lots of butterfly kisses and little flicks of the tongue make my legs almost collaspe

i hope you sort it out mulranno as kissing is so nice when its right

Original poster
mulranno · 29/05/2009 13:14

Thank god for that...I really want some nice kissing...I do feel I am missing out...will get stuck in and report back shortly..!...imagine after 25 years together another exciting avenue to explore. I do love MN...have spent my life thinking I am a freak as dont like kissing ...just ask here and realise its not be its him...although I should probably take the lead!

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 29/05/2009 13:17

how long have you been together?

ive been with my dh for 17years and couldnt imagine being with him that long if we couldnt kiss

a deep kiss can be so romantic and sexy - a real knee trembler

lal123 · 29/05/2009 13:26

while we're on the subject of things they do which they think are a turn on but really aren't....anyone got any tips for me to get my DP to stop groping my tits EVERY time he kisses me??? (well - not if we'er at his mums on in tescos). We've been together 15 years and I' getting tired of telling him to "get off me will you..."

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/05/2009 13:41

tell him bluntly that you dont like your tits being squeezed as they get sore

but

tell him you love it when he strokes them, kisses your nipples etc