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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in not wanting to go on holiday with the in-laws

46 replies

Sparkletastic · 25/05/2009 17:17

even if they are footing the bill.....

I know that I am being thoroughly ungrateful BUT we have history with 2 previous holidays with them at their place abroad. The last one in particular was pretty much torture from start to finish - relentless interfering from MIL, bad-tempered FIL (my DDs call him Grumpy Tony instead of grandpa - geddit?!) shouting at DD2 for pulling herself up on their tacky expensive furniture (she was learning to walk at the time), deep resentment if we wanted to go out without them (DH and I had one meal out alone when they grudgingly agreed to babysit), feeling unable to leave so much as a water glass for use later without MIL spiriting it away to be washed up and DH reverting to being a stroppy teen and going to lay in bed at odd times when it all got too much for him whilst I slapped a rictus grin on my face and made lively conversation with the ILs. Sigh.

They announced yesterday that they are booking a week in Norfolk for us all next summer using their holiday bond thingy and how great it will be for DH and FIL as it is on a golf course so they can play every day. There is a pool for the kids and I'm sure they'll love it but I'm selfishly thinking what's in it for me and I'd rather not have a holiday at all.... Waaaaaaaaah!

Come on ladies - slap some gratitude into me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparkletastic · 25/05/2009 17:21

On the other hand my lovely parents have just inherited some money and have announced that they want to take us all for a Christmas in the sun holiday to the Canaries. Yin and Yang.......

OP posts:
TheArmadillo · 25/05/2009 17:22

YABU

you don't have to go on holiday with them.

I wouldn't personally if it was going to be all stress and hell (and I speak as someone who does go on holiday with ILs every year - but I enjoy it). It doesn't sound like much fun for you, kids or dp.

Turn them down, politely.

TheArmadillo · 25/05/2009 17:23

oh x-posted.

Say you've been on holiday with them twice and that it's your parents turn this year.

TheArmadillo · 25/05/2009 17:24

sorry that was supposed to be YANBU

sarah293 · 25/05/2009 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wotulookinat · 25/05/2009 17:27

YANBU. Sounds like torture. I would NEVER go away with my in-laws. I'd rather...God knows what, but I'd rather do anything else instead.
Quickly go and buy a puppy that you can't possibly leave.

Original poster
Sparkletastic · 25/05/2009 17:27

Oh I know you are right TheArmadillo - thing is I wasn't prepared for the offer and they say they have booked it already anyway (on-line last night). Also, despite being a united front with DH usually on all things to do with the ILs he is suspiciously keen on the idea. I think he's cultivating a fantasy of 18 rounds then repairing to the clubhouse every day whilst I languish in the pool with the MIL and the DDs....

OP posts:
wotulookinat · 25/05/2009 17:28

COuld you let him take the DDs and go away with your own parents?

themoon66 · 25/05/2009 17:29

Just say thanks, but no thanks. Don't explain, Don't apologise.

Original poster
Sparkletastic · 25/05/2009 17:30

Oh a puppy - have been debating that BUT my folks live across the road so ILs know that that wouldn't be enough of an excuse. They are very competitive with my folks in their attentions so the lovely Xmas holiday with my family will only up the ante I fear.

I did think of temporarily separating from DH around next August but would that be a tad extreme do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparkletastic · 25/05/2009 17:32

I like the cut of your jib themoon66 but I'm terrible under pressure and I know that I can't do the assertive thing when it comes to the ILs

OP posts:
wotulookinat · 25/05/2009 17:32

Ah, but you could go all neurotic about the puppy and become a mad woman who won't leave it.

Separating from your DH seems perfectly reasonable in this case.

TheArmadillo · 25/05/2009 17:33

If tehy've booked it already that was their fault for doing it without checking with you first.

If your dp wants to go wtih them doesn't mean you have to.

If you have endured 2 holidays with them I think you have done your part.

FlyMeToDunoon · 25/05/2009 17:35

YANBU Having endured several holidays with MIL towards which she usually made a major financial contribution I know what it's like. I hated having to be grateful whilst putting up with the comments, manipulation and passive aggresion.
Difficult when DP is not on this with you though.

TeaOneSugar · 25/05/2009 17:35

YANBU, not my idea of a holiday.

Original poster
Sparkletastic · 25/05/2009 17:36

Oh I feel quite tearful at the understanding and support from you lovely people. I'm now weighing up the pros and cons of puppy / temporary marital breakdown / coming clean and saying I just want a week on my own goddammit and you blardy people can suit yourselves (and look after my charmless DH and lovely DDs whilst you are at it please and thank you).

OP posts:
cupofteaplease · 25/05/2009 17:37

I think you are very lucky that you are being taken on 2 holidays this year without paying for them. I'd LOVE a holiday this year, anywhere, with anyone! I'll go in your place if you like!

mychildrenarebarmy · 25/05/2009 17:40

The answer is DH and DC's go with them and you stay home. They get there holiday and what you get out of it is some Sparkletastic time. ;)

themoon66 · 25/05/2009 17:41

Why not auction your place off to MNers who are willing to go in your place!

Original poster
Sparkletastic · 25/05/2009 17:43

cupofteaplease - what do you look like? If you are roughly 5 ft 9 size 14 with dark hair and don't mind masquerading as me and sleeping with a strange man for a week (I'm sure my DH won't mind) then it is a deal!!

OP posts:
FlyMeToDunoon · 25/05/2009 17:44

Yes cupofteaplease could you pretend to be sparkle for a week?

FlyMeToDunoon · 25/05/2009 17:44

x post!

Original poster
Sparkletastic · 25/05/2009 17:46

But how to explain MN to the ILs? "I'm a regular on this forum you see, and I was slagging you off and stuff, and this bunch of random women and hairy-handed truckers decided they'd be up for a holiday with you even if I wasn't, so here's

OP posts:
cupofteaplease · 25/05/2009 17:47

Sure thing Sparkle I'll do it! I'm afraid I'm only 5ft 5 but a size 14 with long dark brown hair- I think we'll get away with it! Oh, and your dh can just sleep on the sofa

Ivykaty44 · 25/05/2009 17:47

sorry - but thank you very much for the offer of a holiday in Norfolk, but no thank you

Why would you be grateful of a holiday from hell, regardless of who is paying the bill.

Holidays are a weird one - even couples going on holiday together puts a strain on some marraiges let alone with the inlaws who want perfection

There is no way on earth I would go