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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 6 & 8 is too old to sleep with grandmother ...

73 replies

whiskersonkittens · 25/05/2009 16:19

...in her bed?

DH took dcs to MIL for the night and I asked him not to let them sleep with her in her bed as I think they are too old now, BUT I now find out that ds (6) did in fact sleep in her bed and dd on the floor on her ready bed.

I know I let them sleep with me when ill or dh is away but to me that feels different - would like to hear other opinions before i rant at dh please

OP posts:
Original poster
whiskersonkittens · 25/05/2009 16:40

I suspect it is more trying to keep them apart due to her jealousy.

She had a fairly strict upbringing (and went to boarding school) but in any case is just weird over lots of things - she is the same over nudity etc; sometimes I cannot see the wood for the trees as it were to sort them out.

Maybe I had better just start off by thinking she is being weird and then work out if she is not!

OP posts:
duchesse · 25/05/2009 16:42

Oh, whiskers, she's not being weird, she's just the product of her upbringing and schooling, and that's hard to get away from. It's sad for her that she feels this emotional detachment, but really not that unusual. Just try to bear with her and her views.

duchesse · 25/05/2009 16:43

By which I mean try not to get too exasperated with her.

mumbee · 25/05/2009 16:47

I agree it does seem inappropriate, I would not like my DC to sleep in the same bed as their grandma, our children would not consider it at all and they only sleep with me if they are very ill we always encourage them to be independent. I as an adult would not sleep with my mother or share a bed I'm not even keen on sharing a room with her when we have gone away. An issue of dignity and respect for each other as women.

MaDuggar · 25/05/2009 16:47

Mine are the same age, and sleep in with their Granny. As did I at their age!

Im not sure i understand what is wrong with it?

wotulookinat · 25/05/2009 16:49

I can't put my finger on why exactly I don't like it, but I agree with the OP and think it is inappropriate.

bubblagirl · 25/05/2009 16:49

its a grandma its fine nothing weird if it was strange man from down the road that would be weird

the older one wa son floor young one was in bed makes sense if she has one bed place

its sweet i love cuddles with my son and my mum loves cuddles with my son

some people aren't cuddly and prefer children to have own rooms etc but some people love cuddles and she doesn't have another room

seems fine to me if all involved are happy then its fine

bubblagirl · 25/05/2009 16:51

some people have minds that work differently makes something so innocent seem so wrong

bubblagirl · 25/05/2009 16:51

you think in the old days family members of all ages shared a bed

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/05/2009 16:53

i agree its inappropriate.

tho i said the same thing ages ago on another thread (think it was siblings sharing beds) and i got flamed

cory · 25/05/2009 17:04

if it's inappropriate, why was it not inappropriate a few years ago

to put it brutally, if she was the kind of woman who would interfere with them, wouldn't she be more likely to interfere with a younger child who couldn't tell?

and if the child was to be troubled, wouldn't that be more likely to happen with an older child who had already reached puberty/become more sexualised?

with siblings, I think the cutoff date is when they hit puberty

though would have no problem with dd (12)sharing a bed with ds (9)

MadameCastafiore · 25/05/2009 17:08

Sorry - am just picking myself up off the floor - I cannot believe I have read the sentence - An issue of dignity and respect for each other as women - on a thread about 2 little kids sharing a bed with their grandma!

They only have 1 bedroom FFS - what are they supposed to do?

Worldsworstmummy · 25/05/2009 17:12

my ds now wants to with me at the weekends, when he is back from spending the week at his dads, as we have swapped roles due to school change. He is 8, and clearly needs that cosiness to stock up on emotional warmth. having discussed it with friends with older children, they all say that in a year or so he will decide independently that he wants to sleep alone, having always been an independent sleeper in the past.

So I am treasuring our cuddles, it'll all be over way too soon!

Re the granny thing, I loved snuggling in with mine when I was little, though it was always a morning thing, not all night.

TrinityIsLovingHerLittleRhino · 25/05/2009 17:14

absolutely being unreasonable

it is fine
I dont see how it couldn't be

MrsMarley · 25/05/2009 17:18

I remember sharing a bed with my nan when I was little and I hated it.

TrinityIsLovingHerLittleRhino · 25/05/2009 17:19

but marley at 6 and 8 they could say they didn't want to

BCNS · 25/05/2009 17:20

dd 5 but nearly 6 still asks to sleep with grandma when she has a sleep over there.
Granddad is kicked out to the spare room !!

Long as dd asks it's fine with me

beanieb · 25/05/2009 17:23

if it doesn't bother you that they sleep with you then it shouldn't bother you that they sleep with their grandmother - IMO

cory · 25/05/2009 17:24

ask them

ellingwoman · 25/05/2009 17:26

My dds 17, 14 and 11 all choose whether to sleep in Grandma's bed or not when they visit. What's the problem? Lots of lovely cuddles!

cheekysealion · 25/05/2009 17:28

dd- 11 still sleeps with her nana. loves every minute of it

MrsEricBana · 25/05/2009 17:30

If they are happy to do it (and she doesn't mind being booted half the night - brave lady) then I can't see anything at all wrong with it, especially if she only has one bedroom. FWIW I agree with those who have suggested it could be a bit of jealousy from your mother that they are close enough to want to do that even though MIL presumably sees them far less as she is further away. My mother is sniffy if I report that my step MIL has done something nice with/for the children, simply because she would like to see the children more and can't (I don't think she even knows she's doing it). My nearly 9 year old son wants to sleep in with me every night (but only does if ill) because it makes him feel secure and he sleeps much better (he is world's worst sleeper, not otherwise insecure I should add).

Bathsheba · 25/05/2009 17:36

I used to HATE sharing a bed with relatives - they always snored (either my gran, my grandpa or my Aunt) and their beds always smelled funny.

I loved being at their house but I honestly remember really hating sharing beds with them. (there was a spare room we could have slept in that had beds, but invariably they "weren't made up"..

If the kids like it then I can;t see a problem (esp if there is no other alternative for them) but please do let them honestly express whether they actualy like it or not.

RedCharityBonney · 25/05/2009 18:10

It's a MIL thing maybe? Your mum feels like she has a rival? Or you do?

TheCrackFox · 25/05/2009 18:14

Loved sharing the bed with my grandma. She was lovely and cuddly.

If your DCs are happy then there is no problem.

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