Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or do I have every right to despise my stepfather with all of my might?

45 replies

LolaTheShowgirl · 24/05/2009 22:49

Of course there are many issues with this but I find even now i'm living a good 2 hour journey away from my mum and him, he is still making me unhappy.

My mum and I arranged to get together tomorrow for a very rare girlie day, to go for a browse around town and stop for a coffee. I barely see my mum because of the distance. Now her husband has invited himself along and my mum will not tell him he's not welcome. I wouldn't mind, but he's made it pretty bloody obvious he hates me. Him being there is really going to spoil my day now. When they're together, he somehow manages to get my mum to focus all her attention on him and they just tend to walk off and completely ignore me, like i'm invisible, and i'll be in a conversation with my mum, and without fail, he will butt right in, while i'm in the middle of my sentence, about something totally different, and if I protest, my mum says for me to live with it, that it's just his way.

I am fucking upset. I only said I would meet up with her anyway because she wants my help with some paperwork she has to complete. He's such a bastard, I could stangulate his fucking chicken neck.

OP posts:
luvoneson · 24/05/2009 22:55

Yes he is a bastard, I would be upset too. He sounds jealous of your relationship with your mum. Can't you phone your mum and ask her if it can be just you and her on your day out as you dont see her much it would be so nice just the two of you. Wish you luck. If the chicken neck shite turns up you have every right to stangulate him! Why can't these people just fuck off. I am with you on this one as i know how much i like going into town with my mum.

confuseddd · 24/05/2009 22:57

If your mum wants it that way, then I would cancel tomorrow and do something fun at home instead. If you want to see her, why not invite her over (pay travel if necessary) and make it clear it's an exclusive invitation.

gingerteam · 24/05/2009 22:59

Poor you, don't go if you know this is how it will make you feel. Can you make last minute arrangements with a friend instead? At the very least cancel with your Mum and ask her to name a day when just the 2 of you can get together. Families eh!

Biscuits4Cheese · 24/05/2009 23:00

You sound about 12.

RumourOfAHurricane · 24/05/2009 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
LolaTheShowgirl · 24/05/2009 23:06

Thanks for all your replies.

Biscuits4cheese, I wish I was 12! Like I said, there is much more to this. I've already asked my mum if it could just be the two of us, she sounded like she wanted it just to be me and her but that she can't tell him he can't come, so he's coming and that is that! FFS, he won't even acknowledge my presence the whole time. I hate his guts by now.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 24/05/2009 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

luvoneson · 24/05/2009 23:07

Dont be horrid biscuits4cheese.
I get the point here, she wants to see her mum on her own(not a friend) and does not want to cancel. why should she cancel just because of chicken neck. Phone your mum and tell her you want her to yourself for the day.

Original poster
LolaTheShowgirl · 24/05/2009 23:07

shineon...it goes much deeper, but this one has pushed me a little bit too far!

OP posts:
Original poster
LolaTheShowgirl · 24/05/2009 23:09

If I ring her again and tell her I want just her for the day, she will kick off on me and I don't really want the hassle of falling out with my mum. It just feels like it's always him that's most important to her and fuck my feelings.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 24/05/2009 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RumourOfAHurricane · 24/05/2009 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

luvoneson · 24/05/2009 23:11

FFS shineoncrazydiamond. She said he was a bastard, I said he was one too because he sounds like one to me, thats all. Lets move on now please x

FairLadyRantALot · 24/05/2009 23:17

op, sorry about the situation, but I suppose you either have to stand your ground and say mum only, or go with it, put up/shut up....

as to...oh this is in Aibu, therefore we have a right to be nasty....welll...really..why...does aibu exclude your manners...it is the real aibu downfall that people just think they can be nasty....

luvoneson · 24/05/2009 23:23

please i'm quite new to M/N what is AIBU

RumourOfAHurricane · 24/05/2009 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RumourOfAHurricane · 24/05/2009 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nannyL · 24/05/2009 23:26

YANBU

i honestly hate my step dad too... i honsetly wish he was dead.

apart from telling me how much he hates me from the 2nd time he met me (when i was 15) and refusing to let my mum see me (she is stupid and i really see she is old enough to tell anyone who wont let her see her daughter where to go) and neither my mum or he (not that i wanted him) even visted my in hospital for a week when i had nearly died in a very very seriosue car crash (and remained in hospital for a month)

last year he violently attacked me and strangled me, evil violent B***D, so i went to the police (which according to my mum was unreasonable "because he was going to commit suicide if i went to the police" but i went anyway and he was charged and unfortunately didnt kill himself (I told him to go and jump, and that i didnt mind, cause i didnt)...

anyway since he violently attacked me, I have not been allowed in my mums house...

it is now pi$$ing me off that due to his outragouse actions he had got his own way, so right now until i see my mum in her house (mainly paid for from my dads money) i will not see her anywhere at all.... i am punishing her in purpose

(and i would just like to add from their point of view "he has only violently attacked me once so therefor its fine"

my step dad is a nasty evil person and i know what it feels like to really hate your step dad, and if you want to despise your step dad too then IMO thats fine

FairLadyRantALot · 24/05/2009 23:28

Dont be horrid??? Its AIBU,ffs.
that was what I meant....

RumourOfAHurricane · 24/05/2009 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mrsboogie · 24/05/2009 23:32

OP - If I were you I would cancel tomorrow and then in a few days ring her again and say to make it up to her you have booked a girly day - doesn't have to be massively expensive - nails/hair/facial - something he absolutely can't butt into. The you spend an hour or so in the salon and have the rest of the day free with her!

You don't sound 12. AT ALL.

luvoneson · 24/05/2009 23:33

Stop it girls, sounds like we are all tired and have got a 'touch of the sun' LOL

FairLadyRantALot · 24/05/2009 23:33

lol shine...mosread then....sorry....i blame da wine....

luvoneson · 24/05/2009 23:35

Before I get outa here, this chicken neck bastard has caused a right old ding dong between us ladies.

gigglinggoblin · 24/05/2009 23:35

If it is going to spoil your day that much then cancel and arrange another time. If she needs the help then its no problem for you I guess? (other than not getting to see her but as you said you wont enjoy it anyway). Then if he insists on coming the next time repeat until you finally get a day on your own. If you dont manage one day without him I would be a bit worried about your mum tbh