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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect parents not to drop their kids and run?!?

57 replies

MissSunny · 24/05/2009 22:18

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OP posts:
Original poster
MissSunny · 24/05/2009 22:19

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OP posts:
letswiggle · 24/05/2009 22:21

yanbu. I always collect contact numbers at the beginning though, in case of probs.

dirtygertiefromnumber30 · 24/05/2009 22:23

hmm, maybe he thought she would settle once he had gone. At 6 i would expect most parents to drop and run (in fact i had my ds' 6th birthday party today and specifically specified 'drop and run' so i didnt end up having to entertain the parents too!

KingCanuteIAm · 24/05/2009 22:23

Sounds pretty out of order to me, if the mum had said something along the lines of leave her, i am sure she will be fine in a moment then you can't blame him, but I assume she didn't?

TBH, I would be tempted to catch him at school and say "Oh I thought I should let you know that your dd cried and screamed through the whole party, she clearly is not a party kind of girl at the moment is she?" just to see what the response was. Mind you I am quite open about being cross when people over step the mark!

dirtygertiefromnumber30 · 24/05/2009 22:23

can i say 'specifically specified' btw?

islandofsodor · 24/05/2009 22:24

YABU for objecting to dump and run, its pretty much the norm when they are at school.

However YANBU for expecting parents to leave emergency contact details. I usually have a llist on a table by the door NAME MOBILE ALLERGIES

ReneRusso · 24/05/2009 22:24

Drop and run is par for the course I think, and I would say YABU.. but little girl should not have been left crying and screaming - dad should have stayed until she settled down, so in that case YANBU

On the + side, you have a whole year until you have to do that again well done

cupofteaplease · 24/05/2009 22:24

YANBU to be annoyed that the dad left her, but YABU that the girl was scared of the game! Some children are genuinely scared if loud noises and the unknown.

MollieO · 24/05/2009 22:24

I would expect to dump and run at that age and I would expect the host to make sure she had my contact details.

I wouldn't expect someone whose child didn't know other classmates and had the issues this child did to dump and run.

I've been amazed this academic year (ds is 4 and in reception) at how many parents do dump and run even at the beginning of the year when the children didn't know each other. I've spent many a party comforting or telling off other people's children. I currently stay as ds always asks me to and I think 4 is a bit young to just leave.

If it happened at ds's party I would have had a word with the dad when he collected and said that I didn't think it was reasonable to leave her.

Thunderduck · 24/05/2009 22:26

Poor kid.
I'm an adult and I'm terrified of balloons.
I have to move if someone has a balloon near me on public transport or in a restaurant. And a balloon popping game would send me over the edge.

MollieO · 24/05/2009 22:28

As for being scared of loud noises or music we were at a party the other week where one of the invitees was scared of balloons. Loads of balloons in the room so I assume that the host didn't know. The host went round popping all the balloons, including those being held by children, which left lots of children crying. The mother of the balloon-scared child seemed to think this was okay. A few of us thought PFB! Again, if that happened at ds's party I'd just give the child their party bag and ask them to leave.

lisad123 · 24/05/2009 22:30

We dont do bday parties so never had this problem, BUT I know my dd1 well enough to know I cant do a "dump and run", as she is likely to get very upset, cry, scream ect, so I dont do it. I even had to go on a playdate with her last week, lucky for me the mum understood and our LOs are the same age!
I would say something, he might not know

TheCrackFox · 24/05/2009 22:31

Normal to dump and run but parents with more delicate children normally stay until their DCs have calmed down.

hatesponge · 24/05/2009 22:33

It's a fact of life with parties that some parents will stay and others wont. I don't mind parents staying, in fact I prefer it if they don't - unless I know them - as otherwise it always feels a bit awkward and uncomfortable. However I've always made sure I have enough people there to help out, and to ensure if there is a child who gets upset, falls out of the tree (this happened at DS2's last party....it was a small tree honest ) then either I can sit with them until they're feeling better & able to join in again or else one of my 'helpers' can. I've always been lucky in that they've never stayed sad for long.

Without having spoken to the little girl's dad, you don't know the reasons he dropped her off and left.

He may have had something urgent/essential to do and/or
He may have genuinely thought she would have calmed down after a few mins

He would probably feel terrible if he knew his DD had been upset - I would mention it but not in a judgey way, just so he knows that at the next party he might want to a) stick around for a while or b) if he does have to go, leave a contact number so if she is too distressed, he can be phoned........

piscesmoon · 24/05/2009 22:35

I would think it is normal to leave on their own, but sensible to leave a contact number. I would never have had the whole class so it isn't a problem.(if I did have the whole class I would have asked for volunteer helpers-I would think you want at least 6 adults with that number).

Quattrocento · 24/05/2009 22:35

I've usually dropped and ran but my DCs were invariably fine.

I do remember what this feels like as the hostess - even with an entertainer - having a distraught five year old in floods of tears and sitting on my lap for an entire party.

YANBU

SlartyBartFast · 24/05/2009 22:36

he was a dad! end of ...

i mind when parents collect without telling me

Original poster
MissSunny · 24/05/2009 22:38

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Thunderduck · 24/05/2009 22:41

Yes I really do have a phobia of balloons. A few other members on this site also have a phobia of them.

It's a reasonably common phobia actually. There are several websites dedicated to it. I have a fear of fireworks too and other sudden loud noises, as well as a long list of other unrelated phobias.

Original poster
MissSunny · 24/05/2009 22:47

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Thunderduck · 24/05/2009 22:49

It's the same with balloons. People think it's funny and say they won't do any harm.
Fear of harm isn't the reason for my phobia. I always want to vomit over their shoes when they laugh and say that.

amiworryingfornothing · 24/05/2009 22:50

I think at 6 you should expect parents to dump and run. As the party host you should have arranged to have enough adults on hand to manage all the children, the entertainment and the food. I would always arrange a couple of 'extra' pairs of hands, because at this age, you would expect some 'incidents' requiring individual attention - eg a child very upset, or sick with excitement, or wet their pants, or whatever ...!

If you are arranging a party for 30 kids, you should be prepared to handle 30 kids.

For future ref. I always design A4 party invites myself, and half of this is a tear off reply, which requests any special dietary requirements, and an emergency contact number.

MollieO · 24/05/2009 22:53

I've never come across someone with a balloon phobia until this party. The poor child sat there and screamed her head off. The mother sat with her on her lap whilst the host popped all the balloons.

I didn't understand why the mother stayed in the room with her child and why she thought it was okay to upset 20 other children but not her dd. If I had a child with a phobia like that I would have spoken to the host and asked if she was going to have balloons and if so whether she minded not having them. From what I could gather that conversation hadn't taken place (host is that sort of supremely organised person who thinks of everything).

Thunderduck · 24/05/2009 22:58

I fail to see how popping the balloons helped anyone.
If you have a balloon phobia the last thing you'd want anyone to do is to pop every balloon in the room.

MollieO · 24/05/2009 23:02

I thought it was an odd thing to do as I'm sure the loud noise of the balloon popping followed by the wailing and sobbing of other children didn't help at all. If ds had that sort of phobia and I hadn't been organised enough to warn party host first (or maybe thought she already knew and would remember) I would have left. Instead our lasting memory of that party was the balloon popping and sobbing rather than the happiness of the lovely little boy whose party it was.

If you can say Thunderduck (and I'd understand if you can't) what is the thing that upsets you about balloons?