To think that sex education should start EARLY?

[poshsinglemum]

And I think that sex education should really start with mum and dad and the question ''where do babies come from?''

My parents were particularly crap with regards to this area of parenting. I caught them at it when I was 7 and at this age was completely unaware about what was going on and didn't really think anything of it. I still thought that babies came from kissing and ended up in mum's tum or something!
My parents were mortified however and the next day presented me on the Usborne book of the facts of life and left me to get on with it. All discussion was closed. I remember feeling shocked, disgusted(yuck- they really do that!), frightened and bewildered.

Sex education at school was ok I guess but dealt mostly with the mechanical side of it and not at all with the emotional side.

Not once did anyone tell me - it is preferable to have sex with someone you really love but just because you have sex with them does not mean necessarily that they will love you back. Please make sure that you love that person before having sex etc.

A lot of my sex education has come through experimentation and I don't have a huge problem with that although if I had my time again I would have done it a bit differently.

I just don't see why so many parents are scared of telling the truth ''Daddy put his willy in mummy's fanjo because they love each other and it felt nice and he planted a seed in her tummy.'' or whatever other age- appropriate explanation.

I can see why some people don't want to go into too much detail with the very young but sometimes i feel that telling a three year old the mechanics is NOT going to result in them wanting to try it out for themselves but could get rid of a lot of the problems surrounding this delicate area.

I am cheating and going on holiday now but I would be interested to know where people stand on this as woiuld like to know how to tell dd.

I agree with you, dh wouldn't agree , dd1 is only 5 but i try and be as open as possible with her (if shes old enough to ask, she's old enough to know etc..).

Far to young for all of that stuff yet. Not necessary, blimey we need to keep our kids innocent for as long as possible, this subject should not even be thought about yet. Cannot believe you would even consider it, what are you trying to do to the poor kid. Never heard the word fanjo before, must tell my friends it has made me laugh. With respect you have some funny ideas on things. Are you a social worker/writer/journalist/teacher. They tend to come out with utter crap.

Yabu. Sex ed shouldn't start early, Relationship Ed should. Teachers aren't allowed to say that things feel nice etc as they are not allowed to encourage sexual activity which is why 99% of school sex ed is about the mechanics rather than teachuling self esteem and respect for others.
My dd aged 9 knows proper names for body parts , knows a man and woman make a baby and knows that babies come out through the vagina (mostly ).
I give her age appropriate answers to any questions but she simply doesnt want to talk about penises in vaginas yet and i dont think its fair to push her.

The reason we have so many teen pregnancies, teen promiscuity and stis is not because of a lack of knowledge of the mechanics of sex. Its because of an over sexualised media and a skewed idea of what a normal healthy fulfilling relationship is about.

Please excuse spelling and grammar, am posting from ipod.

Innocence I agree with totally but why is sex education going to destroy innocence? Surely the sooner they know about it and that it is for adults only, the earlier they can protect themselves?

Mabe a less thorough explanation is adequate and '' babies come from mummies tummy'' is enough?

Not any of the above - a school teacher actually. Nuff said!

Oh you did say teacher! They teach us this on pgce!

idranktheteaatwork, I agree with you, glad someone has some common sense round here.

I agree that relastionship ed should start very early
and Idranktheteae, what nonsense!

Eh? What is nonsense? I said relationship ed should start eatly and you agreed?

poshsinglemum I agree that 'babies come from mummies tummy' is the best option until they are as old as possible. Just asked DH if he would like to see fanjo later. He replied 'who's she'. LOL

I'm sorry Idrankthetea

I meant luvoneson, what nonsense

I'm sorry Idranktheteaatwork

YANBU I completely agree with you.

Age appropriate Sex Education should start early.

Sex education causes early sex- no more than an umbrella causes rain- Good quality early sex education has been found to delay the age of losing virginity.

Oh and Idranktheteaat work, since only the Science aspects of Sex and relationship education are compulsory then many schools tend to focus on that side however shortly this is to change. Teachers are actually definitely allowed to talk about pleasure but obviously it depends on the age appropriateness and the context of the lesson, and many teachers fear mentioning it incase the daily mail get on their case!

TILHLR do you mean the last paragrah. ie what do you do. I was right though wasn't i.

I think sex education should start early too. I know that I knew about sex by Y3 or 4. We certainly knew which bits went where but a lot of what went round was complete crap.

When I started asking questions mum found a good book and went through it with me. She was truthful and I felt like I could ask her more.

The problem comes when people aren't open and honest about sex. All this keep the kids innocent stuff when half the time they already know just leads kids not to find out the correct information. I know that if mum hadn't have talked to me about both the mechanics and the emotional side I probably would have found out by experimenting. As it was I lost my virginity at 18 whilst in a relationship.

Sorry, was grinning at Trinity.

Oh and p.s good sex education teaches students to recognise that the media oversexualises everything and helps them to make their own healthy decisions and choices, and this cannot be a bad thing!

I get irate about the oversexualisation of everything (and am very Mary Whitehouse about it!) but I also strongly believe in teaching kids the facts of life honestly and talking about pleasure etc, and I believe the two aren't mutually exclusive. After all the common aim is teaching about healthy sex lives in adulthood.

Yes but your strong beliefs arent appropriate for every child. Some really dont want to know about it all in depth at primary age but relationship ed can start from yr r to build young peoples self belief and values.

I agree with IDTTAW. My DS is primary age and I do not think he needs to know all this stuff yet. Relationship ed is absolutely fine, but sex ed can wait.

Well OP also said Sex ed should start with mum and dad- and that is entirely how it should start- unfortunately many don't and then it's down to the schools.

I completely agree that Sex Ed should be the same as most other subjects in terms of teaching to the level the child is at, no child should be pushed to a level they are not ready for, (hence Sex ed works much better in families) but unfortunately the way schools are set up means a lot of the time for any subject (not just sex ed) the age appropriateness of the material is not ideal for EVERY student in the class but you do the best you can for as many as you can.

When you now have 8 and 9 year olds starting their periods at primary school- you at the very least need to be teaching puberty.

I'll be willing to bet that most children of primary age know more than their parents think. They'll be getting taught the basics of it before they leave primary school anyway.

"sex and relationship education" or SRE at primary level often causes parental anguish for the simple reason it has sex in the title. For primary level the vast majority of it is about relationships, being a good friend, staying safe from disease (not talking about condoms- more general health ed like washing hands etc), the differences between boys and girls. It then goes on to talk about growing up and puberty and a little bit about sex and pregnancy focusing more on a reproduction point of view (sperm and fallopian tube rather than vagina and lube!). It doesn't really mention STI's, contraception, the mechanics of sex at all, that generally doesn't start until y9 (13/14year olds).

I shall probably be attacked from all sides for saying this, but hey, there's no fun without a bit of controversy.

YNBU. I think out worries that children will lose their "innocence" derives from the fact that we think (perhaps subconsciously) that sex is a Bad Thing that will corrupt our children.

Somethings are bad things: rape, child sex abuse, for example; but the sexual act itself is not. It is a beautiful thing (if baffling for a child) that can bring people lots of happiness and, should they wish, children (also a form of happiness[ grin]).

I can understand wanting to protect children from knowing about rape and all other types of violent and nasty behaviour, but I am at a loss to see how not telling them about sex does this. Small children do not suddenly develop a desire to havv sex just because they know aboutit. They are most likely appalled by the idea.

But for older children, especially for those at high school I think that sex education should go hand in hand with "relationship" education (good suggestion there Idrankthetea). I think they need to know when sex is a good thing and when it is a bad thing. Teaching them, by avoiding the subject or by simply sticking to the basic mechanics, that sex is something to hide, only creates problems for us later.

No attack from me Catitainahatita, I completely agree.

Probably should dislose at this point I am an SRE Advisory teacher!

Totally agree with you, Catitainahatita.

IMO YANBU

My DCs have seen dogs, horses, guinea pigs, cows, sheep etc etc mating for as long as they can remember. They know that this is the way babies are created, that they grow in the mummy's womb in her tummy and how they get out (they have also seen that). They also know that people are animals and that mechanically they create babies in the same way. Actually, it occurs to me that they certainly don't see it as glamorous!!

But they know that animals don't just mate with another animal they love, but that people have sex with the person they love because we are emotionally different. I have been very clear about all this stuff since they were old enough to ask.

As it happens they seem to think animals having sex is pretty entertaining, but people having sex is pretty revolting! In fact even people kissing is pretty yukky!

Obviously I will not know if I have done the right thing until we see how they handle all this stuff...but I can't for the life of me see why it should be a secret until a child gets to a certain age? It's normal and natural and not dirty or disgusting...most of us do it!