To think that sex education should start EARLY?

[poshsinglemum]

And I think that sex education should really start with mum and dad and the question ''where do babies come from?''

My parents were particularly crap with regards to this area of parenting. I caught them at it when I was 7 and at this age was completely unaware about what was going on and didn't really think anything of it. I still thought that babies came from kissing and ended up in mum's tum or something!
My parents were mortified however and the next day presented me on the Usborne book of the facts of life and left me to get on with it. All discussion was closed. I remember feeling shocked, disgusted(yuck- they really do that!), frightened and bewildered.

Sex education at school was ok I guess but dealt mostly with the mechanical side of it and not at all with the emotional side.

Not once did anyone tell me - it is preferable to have sex with someone you really love but just because you have sex with them does not mean necessarily that they will love you back. Please make sure that you love that person before having sex etc.

A lot of my sex education has come through experimentation and I don't have a huge problem with that although if I had my time again I would have done it a bit differently.

I just don't see why so many parents are scared of telling the truth ''Daddy put his willy in mummy's fanjo because they love each other and it felt nice and he planted a seed in her tummy.'' or whatever other age- appropriate explanation.

I can see why some people don't want to go into too much detail with the very young but sometimes i feel that telling a three year old the mechanics is NOT going to result in them wanting to try it out for themselves but could get rid of a lot of the problems surrounding this delicate area.

I am cheating and going on holiday now but I would be interested to know where people stand on this as woiuld like to know how to tell dd.

I think it's something that should come naturally. age appropriate answers...old enough to ask old enough for an answer and all that. dds (7 and 9) know the mechanics. in fact initially through animals, as it were (too much David Attenborough). And I can see the relationship and emotional side will come naturally too: last night dd1 asked me if daddy and I had done it twice which led naturally to a basic answer about it also being called making love...being something adults do with people they love. One of the key benefits, imo, of this approach - as opposed to the sit-them-down-aged-11,-tell-them-everything-give-them-a-book-and-say-they-can-talk-to-you-about-it-i f-they-want approach is that the talking bit is already established, and is something, imo, they'll actually take you up on - because you've always been open and honest with them.

What is amusing me about this thread is the majority of us are in agreement to some extent. If OP had published this on a Daily Mail forum, or Religious Zealots forum she probably would have been getting some very different responses.

Hurrah for lefty liberal Stoke Newington lentil weavers with their Guardian subsriptions and organic veg boxes Mumsnet!

I totally agree that children should know as much as is approrpiate for their age / questions.

My dcs (age 6 and 7) have known about the mechanics for several years and more recently dd and I have been talking in a bit more detail about the 'sex' side of it and respecting partners / making a commitment to them and that sex is called 'making love' because people love each other and enjoy it etc

She takes it perfectly matter of factly and it certainly hasn't inspired her to try it out yet - it does help tho that she has a 'long term boyfriend' who she is convinced she is going to marry so relates it all to their relationship and can make sense of it that way.

It does help having one of each and so close together as they have no secrets and lots of curiosity about each other and the differences!

So luvoneson, how long are you planning to keep your children "innocent" for?

My DCs are about the most 'innocent' kids you'll come across btw...knowing how babies come about hasn't changed that in any way!
They have plenty of more highly sexualised peers who dress (IMO) innapropriately for little girls and 'fancy' boys...who use what I consider to be unacceptable language for children, and are in general much more worldly wise!

I think, as many have said (but much more eloquently), what we as parents need to concentrate on are different things - honesty about procreation and making love, and as they get older, not shagging around, preventing procreation

My DSs are five and three and as sweet and innocent as they come. They do, however, know how babies are made.

When I was pregnant with DS2 I bought a book about babies on-line for DS1. I mistakenly clicked the wrong recommendation and bought a how babies are made book instead. He was 2 and a little bit. He's gone through several phases of reading it, and DS2 joined in the reading sessions last time. They particularly like the bit where the sperm wins and fertilises the egg.

I think it's far better to know these things as young as possible. Knowing the facts is essential. Mine won't be getting girlfriends pregnant at 13 through ignorance. You can't guarantee behaviour but you can inform.

I'd like to think we give them rather more "education" about how to treat other people, though. At 3 and 5 this is rather higher on my agenda than tubes and gametes.

My DD is 2.3, and already knows that Mummy has a baby in her tummy, that Daddy put it there, and that only grown-ups kiss boobies (basically, we were playing, I kissed her belly, she asked me to kiss her boobies, so I explained why not) She also once found some condoms in my room, and I explained that they stop people having babies, but I think she's forgotten that.

Why make kids ashamed of sex? As long as they know it's something grown-ups do, and you should only do it if you really want to, then where's the harm?

YANBU

sex should be a wonderfully loving (if sometimes naughty) event.

I want my dcs to associate sex with love and happiness and therefore want to be the one who explains to them about sex not

the media (and it's twisted view on sex/our bodies/gender roles)

school (how depressing is that thought)

their friends (ill informed and confused)

nobody (hello nanna Noonki!)

it takes years to understand all the ins and outs of sex (emotional/physical/healthwise)

I think the problem lies in the words sex education - people seem to think that 5 or 6 year olds are going to be taught about blowjobs or doggy-style positions

What we need is children and young people taught about their bodies, their feelings and their relationships at an appropriate time. So very young children should know about parts of their body including their genitals. Slightly older children should know about how babies are made with the correct terminology, as well as puberty and emotions. Girls are starting puberty earlier and earlier so if their parents aren't telling them about it properly (and in my experience they are not) then school needs to.

Older children need to learn about not just the act of intercourse but about respect, emotions, safety, self-worth and contraception.

Sex ed is far more than telling children about shagging. Our problem is that many parents think schools are teaching about sex from an adults perspective and of course they aren't.

I have a theory (which could be rubbish) that the children who know about willies and vaginas and bits and pieces, and sex, are the ones who are less at risk of being exploited by someone dodgy.

I plan to tell DD about things from when she is quite small, i think (although reserve the right to change my mind, and not sure how small) so that she is aware to leg it and leg it quick when that man in the park is trying to show her something...

Plus warn her of all the crap excuses boys will give to try and get your knickers off...

Knowledge is power, and all that.

Agree with idrankthetea that sex is taught very mechanically. Specifically when I was at school I don't remember anyone mentioning the clitoris or that sex was supposed to be pleasurable. Kind of a major point, that.

DD has known for years about sex. She's now aged 8 and is completely unfazed by things such as puberty, sex, sperm, ova etc. I've always had condoms in the house and she knows that if you wish to avoid getting pregnant then these can be a good idea! She's also aware that sex can be purely for fun, or as something special with someone that you love as well as for procreation.

I've always been completely forthright with DD. I'm a single parent and had her at a fairly young age, so I'm not going to be hypocritical in my attitude towards sex. I try to be as honest as possible and keep an open dialogue.

BBBB - you mean we aren't supposed to 'lie back and think of England' (or Wales, Scotland, Ireland, Cornwall etc) then?

Oh god I've just remembered that my parents bought me a book about sex when I was about 8 or something.

It was a pop-up book! Can you imagine...

BBBB, I completely agree with you on your comment about children who know about sex are less likely to be victims. If you know what someone is doing to you and know that it is not right, you are more likely to tell. If you don't understand and don't know why its happening or if its wrong, you aren't likely to tell. I sadly speak from experience here.

I am so sorry to hear that cat.

I do feel then that if it is the case that children who know the facts etc are less likely to be exploited/are more likely to tell, why is that not well known and a good reason for starting to talk about things early in school. It just seems like common sense.

You'd think so, wouldn't you? But sadly no.

Also, if we promote the idea that sex is dirty and shameful and should not be spoken about, when you do learn about it you are even less likely to tell. Plus you will convinced it is all your fault.

Given the stats I saw in an NSPCC ad in the paper the other day - which said that 1 out of every 6 children in the UK are sexually abused - you'd think that they would be doing everything possible to lessen the risk.

Doesn't make sense.

And I still have a lot of trouble getting my head around the 1 in 6 figure

Just off to bed

1 in 6 is a horrible thought.

But night, BBBB and sweet dreams

Younger the better, in relevant drive and drabs. I used the "Mummy lays an egg" book with dd1 from age 3 or 4 when i was pregnant with dd2. She saw the (home) birth, and I've always been open about nudity, periods etc in front of her. I feel I caught her before she got sniggery about it all, which is probably the best way.

Interestingly, she is a lot better at respecting our privacy (ie don't barge into the bedroom etc) than dss (same age) who wasn't taught as openly and honestly...

It hasn't hurt her "innocence"- she just happens to be quite well informed.

I have always answered my DD's questions truthfully and in age-appropriate language, and shall do so with the DS.

My DD is not in the least embarrassed by the topic and I too would describe her as well informed rather than lacking in innocence.

I don't see the point in allowing sex to become a grubby secret to be whispered about in playgrounds with accompanying misinformation.

I also think Babette Cole's "Mummy Laid an Egg" is brilliant for little children.

I think family and love should be spoken about more. Maybe since the divorce rates shot up and we all got so politically correct schools have been afraid to talk about the family unit??

No I don't think sex should be a grubby secret spoken about behind the bike sheds but I don't think the education should start too early either. I think parents should make the choice based on the child. My DD is 5 and whilst she is very bright there is no way I would want to fill her head with information that she cannot possibly understand

I don't think you are being unreasonable in the slightest.

My eldest child (DD) is 8.
She knows EVERYTHING about sex. In fact I think there is probably still a thread here about our discussion when I walked into her bedroom and she was 'fiddling'.

Our first conversation was when I was pg with her brother and she asked me how it got there, I told her mummy had an egg inside that daddy added something to to turn it into a baby (IMO, if they are too young to understand biology they will take that as gospel and not think of anything else) She asked how. I told her daddy has sperm that when it goes to mummy's egg it creates a feutus and we discussed pregnancy. During my pregnancy she learnt everything, she knows exactly how it is made, and how a child is born. She later asked me what tampons were and knows about periods too but I believe because I have been so matter of fact about the biology that it means nothing to her, it's just part of life, she comes home baffled about the playground chatter she hears but amongst those conversations I have told her some people will lie to you to get you to do things, some people will pressure you, some people will lie about what they have done, some people just aren't ready and do things they regret so adults try to hide it from children in the hope that if they don't know they can't make those mistakes but that I trust her judgement and hope she will discuss anything she is not sure about with me.

I think sex education and How To Say No is a very basic requirement from the age soonest to when they understand.