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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sooo fed up with school gate snobbery - just how do deal with it?

50 replies

blossomgirl · 22/05/2009 21:55

I just can't work out why some people blank me at school, but almost every day I come home feeling uncomfortable and ashamed of being me!

Never would I have said this was possible of me but here I am.

All thanks to a group of mums who just seem to snobby to smile and genuinely disgruntled by me? my ds?

Ds is aug so young and his sillyness had cost him some friends this year, but I feel like each day that passes i'm less welcome.

Some days I just come home and cry.

So here I am stuck in a self-reproaching rut

dear Mumsnet what is the way out?

OP posts:
MsF · 22/05/2009 22:06

Just couln't leave this unanswered!
YANBU

I felt a huge sense of relief when i stopped taking my son to school.

I'd like to offer advice...but i'll let the others do that! I never did master fitting in with the 'painted ladies' down our school...all make-up and false nails...

instead i am giving you a hugXXX

Niftyblue · 22/05/2009 22:07

Do you really want to know those kind of mums????

They will be some mums that are not like that

Ignore them they are not worth giving another thought to

Just smile and think its their loss not yours

It does get better

cornsilk · 22/05/2009 22:08

Ignore them they sound horrid. There will be other people to talk to - give it time.

MsF · 22/05/2009 22:08

...and i bet YOUR son is the one that doesn't get invited to play dates...or parties....and their children are SO perfect (NOT!!!)

well...if YOU lived near me...you and your son would be very welcome!

SparklyGothKat · 22/05/2009 22:08

I have a couple of people who chat to me at the school gate but most look at me like poo... I ignore them, after all who needs friends like that? I would find one person who you like and stick with them..

whiskersonkittens · 22/05/2009 22:12

It is the same everywhere YA Def NBU!

Can you find a couple of friends of your ds and get to know the mothers so you have someone to speak to and so get the courage to ignore the 'snobs'?

There are plenty of Alpha mums at my dcs school but I have a good, if small, group of friends amongst the mums, one of whom is usually around to talk to

I joined the PA too which meant I got to know more people across all the school years which helped

chipmonkey · 22/05/2009 22:12

SGK, I hope you inwardly think
"Well, I am a super-popular member of Mumsnet's Royal Family and you people are just looooosers!"

wolfnipplechips · 22/05/2009 22:16

Blossom have you tried talking to them? Maybe there just insecure?

wolfnipplechips · 22/05/2009 22:16

Blossom have you tried talking to them? Maybe there just insecure?

SparklyGothKat · 22/05/2009 22:17

lol CM I sometimes stand around looking lost on the playground as my friends aren't there and no-one else will talk to me. I try to chat to some of them but they ignore me... must be jealous of my fab body (which after 4 kids is in pretty good shape lol)

Original poster
blossomgirl · 22/05/2009 22:21

Oh thank for your kind words.

yes i do have a small group of friends there too, i'm actually very chatty sometimes. I guess it's how it is but..

I wish I could find a way to make them stop

Ds started at a new saturday drama group 3/4 weeks ago and blow me if two of snobbiest ones havnt started sending their children.

I'm sat here dreading it. The dirty looks and tuts. So obvious.

Truth is I am revving up to say something tomorrow, just don't know what

OP posts:
myredcardigan · 22/05/2009 22:22

Are you sure they are snobby and not just insecure?

My DS is in Reception and about a month ago there was a note in all the bookbags from a mum who said she felt she hadn't got to meet any other mums yet and did we all fancy a drink one evening. Almost everyone went and we moved along a seat each course so got to chat with mums we didn't know very well. It was a really good evening.

Could you try that? Even if just 4 or 5 take you upon it,it's a start. How about joining the PTA, you often meet other parents there.

myredcardigan · 22/05/2009 22:23

Blimey, if there's dirty looks and tuts then don't waste your time. Silly little girls.

wolfnipplechips · 22/05/2009 22:24

If its that bad then i think i would say something find out what there problem is, i bet they deny all knowledge then make a bigger effort to be nice.

Original poster
blossomgirl · 22/05/2009 22:24

Alpha mums! thats a good phrase. sorry 4u sparkly; its not on is it

OP posts:
Original poster
blossomgirl · 22/05/2009 22:33

Did join the PTA and have made some lovely friends there.

I'm not really suffering with lack of friends, I just feel I should ot have to put up with them spoiling what can sometimes already be a tough enough day.

I Swing between upset and angry
ongoingly
aghh

OP posts:
staylucky · 22/05/2009 22:34

Sad thing is it's usually the same girls who were complete bitches at school, they grow up and get to replay the whole same senario again at their kids school gates.

There are cliques everywhere in life hun. Keep your chin up.

Niftyblue · 22/05/2009 22:35

Just smile right back at them

Every school has a group of "stuck up" cows like that
And you may find that eventually that group will dwindle ,mums leaving,falling out etc etc

Its there insecurites not yours

You have friends there you don`t need them

Don`t get me wrong I do know its hard and it does get you down

wolfnipplechips · 22/05/2009 22:35

Really, dd starts school in sept should i be nervous???

Technofairy · 22/05/2009 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
blossomgirl · 22/05/2009 22:46

Lord I wish it wasnt like this tho, takes energy when it isnt available

So no universal cure then.

Well actually my sniffing has stopped and i'm feeling much better thanks to all these words and feelings shared here, so thats a good start for me. Thanks (tired smile)

How does this sound then...

Ok so i'm going to talk to them tomorrow at the drama group drop off.

I'll chat and try and break the ice and if that is met with a rude response I will say "perhaps I'm misreading you, but why arn't you freindly towards me?"

OP posts:
Original poster
blossomgirl · 22/05/2009 22:52

Wolf perhaps you will meet one of all of us in September.

Technofairy we overlapped there. Sensitivity is now feeling like my weakness!

Ok how about a slap round the cheek for them then?

OP posts:
Original poster
blossomgirl · 22/05/2009 22:53

joking

OP posts:
gagarin · 22/05/2009 23:03

Do you really want to be their friend?

What is it about them that you feel is worth making this effort to speak to them?

You say you do have friends in the playground so just leave them to their friendship group and you stay with yours.

You say

"but almost every day I come home feeling uncomfortable and ashamed of being me!"

but how is this their fault? Is it because they look at you?

They don't acknowledge you or speak to you - but you do have other friends.

Surely being blanked by strangers is not that upsetting?

My advice would be just leave well alone and ignore them.

MrsMcCluskey · 22/05/2009 23:06

If you have peopel to talk to on the yard why do you give a stuff about the other women?
Are they really tutting at you?
maybe you are a bit paranoid?