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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be ever so shocked by .....

54 replies

cookielove · 21/05/2009 22:16

I clearly love children, working in childcare and everything.

A few weeks ago i was out shopping when a mother and her two children walked past, the shop i was in had pillars that held metal hanging poles at all different levels, so the mother walks past shouting at her children to hurry up the smaller child catches her head on the end of the pole, (bless her it had to really hurt) so she starts crying the mum turns round and basically thumps the child in the back of the head and says will you Fing stop whining. Shock and horror across mine and my mates face. Her sister pipes up as they are leaving 'mum she hit her head' and the mum turns round and says 'well she's always whining anyway' is she trying to justify her actions, i couldn't believe what i saw and what i heard.

Do wish i had the nerve to say something, and i wish the mum gave her a cuddle after she left the store but something makes me think she didn't

OP posts:
BlueBumedFly · 21/05/2009 22:21

YANBU.

You need a licence to have a dog, anyone can have a child....

lisylisylou · 21/05/2009 22:36

Maybe you caught the bad side of things and she'd had a really, really bad day of it.

One time, I was at the checkout with my dd in the shopping trolley and my ds at the end of the checkout. As I was unloading the food from the trolley, onto the checkout, he took off. I had to make the call do I leave dd at the checkout and run after my ds - what do I do? Had to, found my ds at the entrance of the supermarket just in front of the big car park. Very, very scary. I was furious for leaving dd and was just screaming at him as I was so frightened. He was in tears, I couldn't stop shouting. All I can say is I must have looked deranged.

smartiejake · 21/05/2009 22:43

Actually you don't need a license to have a dog but if someone saw a dog being treated like that in the street someone would report them to the RSPCA...

Original poster
cookielove · 21/05/2009 22:44

i can imagine the panic you were in, and i know i could of been catching her at the end of her tether, but i feel i work in a very stressful enviroment, 12 - 2 year olds.

But no part of me would ever ever ever hit a child, and i don't have children so i may behave differently when i do, but when a child comes to me in tears whether i have seen what has happened or not my first instinct is always a cuddle, a big big cuddle

OP posts:
MissSunny · 21/05/2009 22:44

Message withdrawn

Original poster
cookielove · 21/05/2009 22:51

Are you seriously telling me you would thump your child whether it was in public or not.

I think because i've been trained in childcare and with my training, we are taught different ways of approaching childrens behaviour, e.g timeouts and other stuff, although the orignal post was not about bad behaviour. I just feel hitting your child is never the correct soloution.

Yes, we all have meltdowns we have meltdowns at work and we may say things in the heat of the moment, although at work these are all said out of childrens ear shot, but i've said before and will say again, hitting children in my eyes is wrong

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 21/05/2009 22:52

do you have children cookie?working in childcare might be very stressful but you get lunch breaks,you have a start time ,a finish time and you get a few days off a week i assume?

i agree with you -what you witnessed wasnt nice but i also agree maybe she was having bad day and you caught 2 minutes of her life.

wilkos · 21/05/2009 22:56

yanbu regarding the thump. that is not acceptable

yabu if you think that this snapshot of her parenting is the norm. get your judgey hat off madam

lisylisylou · 21/05/2009 22:58

Didn't see the thump bit, a bit shocking. A bit like the smacking debate isn't it, Some people do it, some don't. It's what people react to.

MissSunny · 21/05/2009 22:58

Message withdrawn

wheresclaire · 21/05/2009 22:58

And tonight when the little girl is asleep she will tuck her in, stroke her hair and say "im so sorry my darlin for shouting at you all day. Love you so much" And if she is anything like the rest of us she will end up sobbing because she thinks she is a terrible mum who wishes she had more patience.

Original poster
cookielove · 21/05/2009 23:05

no i don't have children, which yes it is true i get the weekend off suprise suprise!!

i do get lunch breaks, although have been called back many times to cover some kind of emergency.

i also am in charge of room of 12 2 years and two memebers of staff, which i know what your all thinking doesn't mean that much, but this means i am responsible for everything that happens within the room, this includes what my staff memebers do.

I def think i saw a stressed mum who just didn't behave correctly and her child suffered inthat moment.

But when you work in child care its hard to find the correct balance, we are forever being told what 'signs' to look out for and we've had parents joke that will start to think that they are abusing they're children, due to them not informing us of certain injuries that may or may not look suspisus (sp).

i clearly can not put myself into any parents shoes but i do feel i have a good insight on good childcare

OP posts:
tattifer · 21/05/2009 23:09

I hate seeing parents tell off, slap, hit or whatever a child who is obviously already upset but you could have been seeing the worst that mum has ever behaved, and it could have been at the end of, or in the middle of a very stressful day.
The comment about the whining suggests mum may not be coping that well. It doesn't make her evil. The other girls matter of fact reaction seems to indicate she's not frightened of come backs for speaking out - all good signs.

I gave eldest daughter a very hard slap on the legs once when she was 3. She kept trying to run away from me while I was pushing the pram with her sister in (double buggy thing). Her final effort (preslap) was to run off in front of a bus (buses and pedestrians only in High Street so slow moving - luckily). I scooped her up and out of pure panic slapped her legs and screamed at her never to do that again etc etc. It's the only time I've ever slapped her. I would rather one hard slap rather than a squashed daughter.

chegirl · 21/05/2009 23:11

Look at wheresclaire's post.

The woman should not have hit her child but even really good mums do that.

Working with children is feck all like having your own (I know, I do both)

You do not care about that little girl more than her mum even if you did want to give her a great big cuddle.

Sorry but you are not endearing yourself by citing all your childcare experience

cheesesarnie · 21/05/2009 23:11

i used to work in child care before i had 3rd dc.i dont feel it makes me special.

cheesesarnie · 21/05/2009 23:12

that wasnt to you chegirl btw.it was too madame judgypants.

chegirl · 21/05/2009 23:15

I know cheese I saw your post as I pressed 'post'. So I know you didnt mean me

I dont want to upset people who have been getting fed up with all the troll calling lately but.....

chegirl · 21/05/2009 23:16

Maybe I am being harsh - but blimey o'nora OP dont half know how to wind mums up!

Original poster
cookielove · 21/05/2009 23:18

i don't think i'm special because i work in childcare, can't remember writing that. So what your bascially telling me you have no compassion for any other child apart from your own, hmmmm and you worked in childcare i do wonder sometimes!! i really don't like it when people tell what i do and do not feel isn't it up to me to decide exactly how i feel about it. Also pretty sure i said i wanted the mum to give her a cuddle not me, don't tend to go round hugging complete strangers

OP posts:
chegirl · 21/05/2009 23:23

You are being hugely judgemental based on a very small snapshot of a family's life.

You keep citing your experience in childcare. Working with other people's children in a childcare setting is a million miles away from the situation you described.

I dont think anyone has said they do not care about any other children but their own.

Most of us recognise that good parents do unpleasant things when they are stressed and it does not make the abusive.

chegirl · 21/05/2009 23:26

I work in childcare and frankly I would not decribe it as a 'very stressful environment'.

I would be worried if it was.

Cant be good for the kids surely?

tattifer · 21/05/2009 23:28

When you say you "clearly love children, working in childcare and everything"

a - what's the "everything"?

b - it sounds like someone wanting to work for the RSPCA because they love lickle fluffy kittens

Have you worked in childcare long? No offence, but you seeem to be wearing it on your sleeve a bit...

Original poster
cookielove · 21/05/2009 23:53

how long do you think i've worked in child care?

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 21/05/2009 23:54

22 years

chegirl · 21/05/2009 23:54

Why is it so stressful where you work?