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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this to somebody?

28 replies

MrsGravy · 21/05/2009 20:00

Or rather would I be unreasonable as I haven't done so yet.

There is a little boy in my daughter's nursery class who is picked up by his dad and his baby sister (and an older woman who looks like a grandmother possibly) every day. Every day they drive past me with the baby sat in the lap of her grandmother and the little boy stood in the back between the two front seats.

Every day. There is one car seat in the car but I've never seen it used. The road they drive along is an accident blackspot (4 nasty crashes in the 18 months we've lived here).

The thought occurred to me the other day that if something were to happen to this little lad and his sister I'd actually feel quite responsible as I'd not done anything to try to prevent it.

I should add that the dad is very quiet and never speaks to any of the other parents so I can't think of a way I could try and subtly talk to him about this myself.

Should I speak to the school? A community police officer? It's not like I want them prosecuted but I wonder whether a quiet word from someone in authority might do the trick?

OP posts:
tribpot · 21/05/2009 20:01

I would speak to the school in the first instance. You're right, you can't not say anything.

donnie · 21/05/2009 20:03

something needs to be said - but it is very awkward. Maybe you should ask the nursery staff to explain to the dad that people have expressed concern. Or maybe leave a note on the car?

thisisyesterday · 21/05/2009 20:04

yeah i think a word to the school would be a good idea.

nickytwotimes · 21/05/2009 20:04

Speak to the school.
This is really dangerous and cannot be ignored.

LadyPinkofPinkerton · 21/05/2009 20:05

It is awkward, but I totally understand what you mean about feeling responsible if something happened. I would speak to the school first and see if they are willing to say anything.

traceybath · 21/05/2009 20:08

Actually i'm afraid i'd go straight to the police (non-emergency) number and give the vehicle registration number.

Its incredibly dangerous and stupid of them.

Original poster
MrsGravy · 21/05/2009 20:12

Thanks all. I wasn't sure if I was just being judgemental and a busybody! I feel vindicated now. I'll go to the school first and see if they can have a quiet word. If they don't want to intervene I'll take the reg no and try and speak to our local PC.

OP posts:
tribpot · 21/05/2009 20:27

I'm sure they don't mean any harm - what they are doing was commonplace 20 years ago! Hopefully a quiet word will be all that is needed, they shouldn't have to get into trouble.

Weegiemum · 21/05/2009 20:29

If there is a community PC you can talk to, do it.

A mum at nursery when my dcs were there used to do this - I don't know who complained but the police started popping along to do 'spot checks' at nursery home time and came in to do a safety talk and it al changed very quickly.

Original poster
MrsGravy · 21/05/2009 20:30

I'm sure you're right tribpot - they probably don't realise how dangerous it is. Thing is, 20 years ago there was a hell of a lot less traffic on the road.

The way the little boy is stood between the seats frightens me to death tbh, it wouldn't take a big impact to send him flying into the dashboard or through the windscreen.

OP posts:
traceybath · 21/05/2009 21:11

Sorry tribpot but i do find it hard to understand how nowadays anyone doesn't know the importance of car-seats.

Trikken · 21/05/2009 21:13

Yes not good. ten years ago my mums friend had a little boy who died as he went through the windscreen as he wasnt strapped in. It was very nasty,he didnt die immediately and his mum had to eventually turn his life support off. whole family was very destraught and traumatised. The mum wasnt going that fast but had to emergency stop. No one should have to go through that.

FairyMum · 21/05/2009 21:14

If they don't realise how dangerous it is, they must be complete morons. Was it really commonplace 20 years ago? I was securely fastened in a carseat 35 years ago....

IusedtobeSnowWhiteButIDrifted · 21/05/2009 21:18

MrsGravy, I had a similar situation a mum (she is quite confrontational and a bit of a drama queen.......as well as a coppers daughter) never strapped her DC's in. I raised this with the school thinking they could get a CSO in or council road safety people in to give a talk in a general way, but they declined saying they can't intervene in how families `manage' their children and lifestyle' outside of school. I was . Good luck with this, hope your school are more supportive.

onagar · 21/05/2009 21:25

When I was young people would look at you oddly if you put a seatbelt on at all as though it were a comment on their driving ability. Mot saying that's right, but older people just won't see it the same way. Best to think of us old ones as being from another country where they do things differently

Come to that I've read that most other countries don't bother about it either.

GypsyMoth · 21/05/2009 21:27

yes,say something.

in my police days i once had a mum in tears. she could see no wrong driving up and down golders green road with her kids crawling around the seats,unstrapped! i graphically told her what to expect from even the slightest collision!

think it worked!

RumourOfAHurricane · 21/05/2009 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lisylisylou · 21/05/2009 21:54

There was an accident around our area and the mother hadn't strapped her 2 boys into their car seats. They took the full impact of the crash and were in a very critical condition. The air ambulance from Sheffield came to take them to hospital. We have friends in police force and they said had they been in car seats they would have been ok.

My dh is a special and it was a resounding yes you should report it when I asked him hypothetically.

Sorry to make it sound so grim. I had to report somebody once for drink driving-didn't like doing it as it makes you feel like you're telling on someone (the old school kiddy thing) but I am glad I did it.

ducdo · 21/05/2009 22:06

mrsgravy please let us know what you decide to do and the outcome. I live near my childrens school and whilst we walk, I see many parents dropping their kids off and driving past without them strapped in and I've often thought 'do I say something' or will they think I'm a busy body.

Reading your thread I have decided I will ask at the school if they can add it to the many notices the children bring home for parents to read just to highlight the importance of safely strapping in your children, even for short journeys.

My husband works for London Ambulance Service and has sadly seen many accidents and badly injured children (or worse) that would have been saved from death or injury had their parents not strapped them in before setting off in their cars.

Plus you normally find the parents are strapped in in the front so they're alright!?! just bonkers

stitchtime · 21/05/2009 22:10

what ethnic culture are they from?
i ask , as attitudes towards car seat safet are very very different in some cultures, even her in th euk. my sil for example, never ever straps teh seat belt on her dc. the four year old sits on the booster, bt the seat belt is NEVER doneup. and i'mnot sure she ever used the baby car seat i gave her.

i like the idea of calling the police. because, if they get a fine and or a caution from the police, then they will take it a bit more seriously. whereas contacting the school is a bit too much like busybodies not minding thereown business iyswim

chegirl · 21/05/2009 22:13

This happend all the time at DS's preschool. I spoke to them about it but they said they couldnt do anything. I think they could have at least given out some leaflets. Its the law now isnt it?

I will often comment if a car pulls up beside me with unstrapped kids in it. I usually say 'did you know your child has got out of his seatbelt?'

I am not sure it has any effect and its a wee bit passive agressive but at least its something.

I have had a right rant on a few occassions and my OH (who is a big bloke) will often comment.

People are so bloody stupid

stitchtime · 21/05/2009 22:15

a few years ago, i got a fine from the police,w hilst my dfather was in the car with me. we were all off to see a film, the local cinema is a fiv eminute drive away, we were five adults in the car, with two dc on laps at the back. we normally always had friction about me insisting on car seats etc, df's point was that we never needed them, and it was a short drive, and they wouldnt be able to go oterwise etc.... after this fine, he never ever said a word about car seats. (mom did, but thats another issue)

Original poster
MrsGravy · 22/05/2009 16:24

Thanks again everyone. It's now half term so I'm going to speak to a teacher about it when we go back in week after next.

We actually had a letter home from the police about all the stupid parking that goes on around the school and it says they will be watching and fining people parking on zigzags etc. If I see any policemen around the school I'll collar one and ask them to watch out for the parent in question.

OP posts:
NigellaTufnel · 22/05/2009 16:30

I've started another thread about this, but a delivery van drove into the back of me this morning, shoving me forward about two feet.

It has made me realise how wonderful child seats are.

And how even a 'minor' accident could cause serious damage.

MillyR · 22/05/2009 16:37

This happened at a school near me. A mum picked up 4 DC and DSC's every day and didn't strap them in or even make them sit down. None of the other parents said anything. Eventually she skidded on an icy road and all of the children were injured and one of them died as they went through the windscreen. So it is worth saying something, maybe to the school/nursery if not the police.

It really isn't any hassle for the parents to put the children into car seats.

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