My son was so, so rude today

[junglist1]

I'm posting here because I feel like I need some straight talking, and I deserve it. Me and DC's went to a friends after school and my 6 year old was being really hyper and rude, stuck up his middle finger at hosts, and called one of the adults ugly when they told him off. I'm so embarrased and feel like a shit parent. Sometimes he's so seet but every now and then he goes off on one, and is so disrespectful. My older child isn't like this. It's because I'm in an abusive relationship isn't it .

I do need punishing, because I know what's happening and haven't left yet. Will look into what benefits I can get. Maybe Womenaid would know? Don't trust council to give me the right info.

depending on what course you are on you will get a bursary and your study grants will increase if you no longer have his income.

council WILL try and fob you off.
they will tell you you are intentionally homeless if you leave. THIS IS FALSE!!!!!

apply for housing despite them telling you you wont get it. if they get stroppy contact shelter.

Womens aid will be able to give you basic benefit information but your best off speaking to your local auhtority as it is them that pay your grants out.

I'll join my voice to the chorus: this relationship is damaging your son.

He is learning about male-female relationships now, he is learning about how families work, and what he is learning is not good.

There are other ways you can realise your dreams of finishing the course. It doesn't have to be at his expense. There will be people willing to help and advise you. And you will see your son grow calmer and more confident: it will be soo worth it.

Junglist - you obviously have to leave as soon as possible. Your partner is horrible and is making you unhappy plus he is upsetting & potentially damaging your children. More than this, the situation is making you a bad parent. I think that the contempt you have for him may be as damaging to them as his abusive behaviour to you.

Cory - I just wanted to say that I thought your comment (you need to provide the security of letting him know that you will keep him safe from getting into trouble) was brilliant and absolutely true.

I'll tell you a story.

When I was doing a PGCE I fell pregnant. With an abusive partner.

If all had gone to plan I would have finished the course before having the baby. Unfortunately he came early. Very early. So, I had a premature baby in hospital, an abusive partner, and a full time post grad degree on my hands.

You know what I did? I got rid of the partner. Then I talked to m,y head of department. She was very helpful and I managed to fix it so I could finish the degree the following year.

I also got help with housing and living costs.

And I got the degree.

But, more importantly, I got rid of the abusinve ex.

Monkey see monkey do I am afraid

junglist, talk to your university as well.

most unis will do their absolute all to ensure that people finish their courses. they'll be able to tell you what's what and if you'll need to defer and what support they can offer as well

is this abusive man their dad?

He is their dad, yes. I've been here 11 years

For Goodness Sake Leave.

Right, I've decided to speak to a lecturer at uni who's a feminist psychologist, and has done years of research into abuse. There's no reason why I can't defer, I can even do work experience in that time, increasing my chances of a good job. I did think about defering before, then I can go on income support and get full housing benefit as a single mum. I don't know how I've managed anything with him around anyway, I could be so much better in every way.

I thought the womens aid was good it felt like it took the women out of the cycle and into a protective bubble and gave them help and support mentally and financially. They also provided my mum with free childcare as long as she needed it. The women also developed a kind of bond becoming very protective of each other and helping each other to realise they were strong and didn't need their abusive parteners. My mum had kicked my dad out countless of times but never had the support to keep him gone. As the refuge workers took care of all the stressful stuff for her she was able to build her strength and stay away from him. My mum went into the refuge a victim and left a fighter.

thast the spirit junglist.

Slushy i cannot agree with yrou last post more.

Never been in your situation, but it sounds dreadful. The best things in your life sound to be your kids (of course!!!) and your degree. You can keep both better and do better with both by getting out fast I'd say.
Lots and lots of luck, you sound pretty strong to me, I bet you can do anything you set your mind to.

I've always stayed strong, have never believed a word that came out of his pathetic mouth. Thanks ladies.

glad that you seem to be making a positive decision. It won't be easy, but you need to move on with your life.

I am happy and glad for you too junglist

Glad to hear it. Make sure you speak to the lecturer asap.

You can do this.