Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not driving.

67 replies

fairbags · 20/05/2009 13:16

So many people have a real problem with this but I dont and I have pretty good reasons.Anyone else out there not drive and get ridiculed for it?

OP posts:
zookeeper · 20/05/2009 13:17

It depends whether or not you expect people to drive for you

Gateau · 20/05/2009 13:19

People ridicule you for it? Sad gits.
Drving does of course have huge benefits but if you have made the decision not to do it, then so be it. Subject closed.
I drive but my Mum doesn't (she did try years and years ago but had a few accidents and is just too nervous) and she often gets loads of comments about not driving. Not ridicule as such, but people just think she's mad not to drive.
It does annoy her.

Gateau · 20/05/2009 13:21

Mmm, I suppose zookepper's right. People might get annoyed if they're always driving you around.
But if you let them know you appreciate it and/or buy them a little thankyou gift every so often, or some petrol, this shouldn't be aproblem.

Original poster
fairbags · 20/05/2009 13:22

I walk everywhere,catch the train to work and bus through the city of I need to.I do not expect anyone to drive me anywhere unless of course we are going out and they offer?

OP posts:
mosschops30 · 20/05/2009 13:25

I dont really understand why people 'dont' drive. To me its an important skill and one I couldnt live without (especially recently with an ill relative).
However everyone is entitled to make their own choices and thats yours to make

Gateau · 20/05/2009 13:25

What are your reasons for not driving, by the way, OP? If you don't want to divulge, fair enough!Not being confrontational, just interested!

oldspotraver · 20/05/2009 13:28

Mmm well its the 'if there going out and they offer' thats the crux. It does get a bit wearing always being the one to 'offer'. I dont think non drivers realise this, and maybe just for once they would like YOU to be the one offering. Maybe this is where the ridicule comes from

Wendy1983 · 20/05/2009 13:29

I don't drive either but people do seem incredulous when I say I can't. I am 24 and have had 23 lessons (a couple of years ago) but I just hate driving. I do plan to pass my test in the next year though, just so that I can if needs be. But no, if you don't want to drive then I don't see the problem.

basementbear · 20/05/2009 13:30

I hate driving - I am just rubbish at it and can't park for toffee.

Luckily I live in central London so I don't have to drive - I also like walking so am happy to walk everywhere (and make the DCs walk too!).

I do get weird comments sometimes and there are occasions when I know I would save myself loads of time by driving but it just makes me too stressed!

Sounds like it isn't affecting your life unduly, so carry on as you are and stuff them!!

branflake81 · 20/05/2009 13:30

Until recently I "didn't drive". Then I stopped and asked why not. I had never even had lessons and just wasn't interested. But, I thought it would be useful and so learned. It took me a long time and 7 tests but I finally got there in the end.

Now I have a licence I rarely drive, I walk everywhere and take public transport but it is so nice to have the option to drive if I want - to go out on trips, give lifts to people etc.

I think you can't really just say "I don't drive" and leave it at that, especially if you expect lifts from people.

Sassybeast · 20/05/2009 13:30

Whilst it's your choice not to drive, is it the people who are always offering to drive you who are the problem ? If they do drive you, do you offer a contribution to petrol money ? Do you ever offer to organise a taxi for everyone rather than waiting for offers of lifts ? (Can you tell I've got a non driving mate who takes lits and never pays for petrol )

Original poster
fairbags · 20/05/2009 13:31

You know to tell you the truth I would love to drive but I have a huge fear of hurting someone,my mother and I had a huge accident years ago and I was trapped for a long time,also saw a lot of damage to others involved.The whole thing freaks me out immensely.BTW I have a full driving license which I passed years ago but do not have a car.Has anyone out there overcome such fears?

OP posts:
CherryChoc · 20/05/2009 13:36

YANBU. But I do think this country is set up in such a way that you are at a disadvantage if you don't drive, which annoys me (as a non-driver). I have a friend who can't drive for medical reasons and he gets annoyed at it as well.

I think the public transport in this country could be improved a lot, and we'd see less traffic on the roads.

cat64 · 20/05/2009 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
fairbags · 20/05/2009 13:38

God no,I am very considerate and make my own way places pretty much all of the time,on the very odd occasion I will most definatly buy the wine etc..and more often than not we all share taxi anyway.Just sometimes..like yesterday a workmate said to my husband,kind of joking..doesnt it piss you off she cant pick you up from the pub?He replied quite genuinely 'not at all,we usually walk and I am quite capable of finding my own way home'.But her comment and several others over the years,just upset me.

OP posts:
SarahL2 · 20/05/2009 13:40

I saw a huge accident when I was 17 fairbags and it took me years to get over it enough to pass my test - I was 27 when I finially got my licence.

The accident happened because one driver had saw some traffic lights at a pedestrian crossing and assumed they were for him (even though they were 100 yards further down the road than his turning!) so he just pulled out into 2 lanes of oncoming traffic! His car ended up on it's roof and his wife was killed.

It petrified me cause it was only a momentary lapse on concentration and he killed his wife!

It made me determined to be vigilant when I drove and I was very proud when my driving instructor said that my scores on the hazard perception part of my test were the highest he had ever seen.

You need to trust yourself fairbags. Know that every second you are behind the wheel you are driving to your best ability. Maybe even do your test again or an advanced driving course if it makes you feel better?

I always remember what my Mum once told me - assume everyone else on the road is a complete idiot and about to do something incredibly stupid and you'll be fine

Poledra · 20/05/2009 13:43

Fairbags, you seem to have good reason for not driving and I cannot understand why anyone thinks it is their right to comment upon it. As long as you and your family are fine with it, then it's no-one else's business.

It does drive me mad that my DH has never 'got around' to learning to drive, as he does rely on me to drive us around as a family. OK, he rarely asks me for lifts for himself, but we mostly go out as a family anyway so that's me driving. I can't remember that last time I had a glass of wine when we were out.

Original poster
fairbags · 20/05/2009 13:44

Wow thanks Sarah,at the moment I know its fine and there is very rarely times when its a problem but I do think about my children being teenagers and I want to be able to pick them up whenever from parties etc..

OP posts:
mamadiva · 20/05/2009 13:46

I can't drive and TBH it's never been too much of an issue, I accept lifts from people if they offer and it's not out of their way but 99% of the time I walk everywhere because I enjoy it.

I am 22 have had 23 lessons and my confidence with driving is rock bottom.

Noone has ever ridiculed me for it although I have had the odd 'god I don't know how you live without it', but that's about it although my mum did buy me a provisional and driving lesssons for my 21st birthday (subtle hint I assume ).

I ask for a lift if I really have to in an emergnency but again that is maybe once a year.

I do intend to pass my test in the next year or so but as it is I don't want to get a car, that may change but our finances are shot as it is never mind with the expense of that too. I do intend however to hire a car if I am say driving to Glasgow from teh Highlands to visit family and friends IYKWIM, but if money gets better I will be getting a car.

Have you seen a counsellor about the accident fairbags? My gran had an accident when she first started driving and was off it for a while but she saw a counsellor and was advised to get a friend or even a few driving lessons to take her out to a quiet place and start over, then gradually as her confidence went up she would move onto a busier road until she was driving about happily again.

Sassybeast · 20/05/2009 13:57

Fairbags - I had an awful crash years ago - I wasn't badly injured but was trapped in an overturned car for a while whilst it smouldered menacingly I was VERY nervous for a very long time - would always let DH drive etc but gradually I just gained confidence again with encouragement from DH and friends. I thought about hypnosis as I know that can be helpful for things like this. Also, a driving instructor near here advertises herself as specialising in nervous drivers - perhaps seeing if someone local does similar ?

fizzpops · 20/05/2009 14:19

I think you have a better reason than me for not driving - I just never learnt. However, there has never really been a time when I could have afforded to have paid for lessons and bought a car and even now we can't afford 2 cars so I would still be at home without a car during the day.

Friends never give me lifts. My DH would love to be able to pass some of the long haul driving onto me but if we are going somewhere for the evening I will always suggest bus/ train/ taxi and look into costs so he doesn't have to drive whenever possible.

I recently started taking my DD to a class where I have to take the train and carry her in a sling (she is a big girl!)and I do worry in the future that she will miss out because I can't drive her places.

What shocks me is how many times I am asked by people who don't know I don't drive but know where I live, 'Did you walk here?' when it is a ten minute journey. A lot of people do not even consider whether a journey is necessary by car or even less convenient.

As for negative comments I get them from time to time, there was even a thread on MN a few months ago with some people saying that they would find a man who couldn't drive less attractive

Original poster
fairbags · 20/05/2009 14:42

I know Fizzpops I get that too.Walking everywhere is not a problem,it is great exercise and a lot of people comment on how fit I look!I never make suggestions on how others should live,just cant believe how often some interfere in mine!I have scars mentally and physically that remind me everyday of why I dont drive,but I believe that one day when Im ready I just will.

OP posts:
fizzpops · 20/05/2009 14:44

I don't even look particularly fit - another reason for not learning to drive I would probably instantly put on three stone!

funkybuddah · 20/05/2009 14:55

I dont drive, neither does DP, if we were to take ona car we would be in our overdraft every month, personally i cant see why someone would do that.

We walk or cycle everywhere with occasional busses . My sister sometimes takes me to the supermarket with her but that is more about her getting to push my DD around and i often go even when i need no shopping to to chat (we have opposing days off so grab time when we can) but then i look after her kids in the holidays for free so it all evens out.

I never expect anyone to drive me, if i need to get somehwere that isnt accessable by walking or bus i will get a taxi.

I feel that too many poeple rely on their cars and think they couldnt do XYZ without it when in actual fact they could, they would just have to prepare more/set off earlier/actually use their legs and feet for what they were intended.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 20/05/2009 15:01

fairbags you are utterly and entirely sensible and tremedously reasonable