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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In not driving.

67 replies

fairbags · 20/05/2009 13:16

So many people have a real problem with this but I dont and I have pretty good reasons.Anyone else out there not drive and get ridiculed for it?

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fairbags · 20/05/2009 15:09

Thanks bigbellasbeerbelly.

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fairbags · 20/05/2009 15:13

You do sound funky buddah.

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furrycat · 20/05/2009 15:27

I CAN drive but I don't as I am terrified. I think I am a rubbish driver, I can't park at all. I am scared of doing something stupid and hurting someone to be honest. I keep meaning to get refresher lessons or counselling but have always put it off.

I read an article about this and am happy to say I can apparently blame my parents - they were always telling each other to "take care and drive safely" whenever one of them left the house and I think I got the idea that it was something dangerous and risky

BigBellasBeerBelly · 20/05/2009 15:41

I just hate cars. Horrible dangerous polluting things, meaning we have to tarmac the world and pump noxious gasses into the air and run loads of people over.

Disclaimer: I have one

Sort out the public transport and get us all walking again. If we must have personal transport, going round in little electric buggies, maybe with marshmallowy bits over them for if they hit anyone, that would fit the bill

insertwittynicknameHERE · 20/05/2009 15:47

I don't drive, DH does but we got rid of our car last year after it became apparent that we never used the bloody thing. We walk everywhere, DH either walks or cycles to work. I walk with DD most places or catch the train/bus if it is too far to walk.

I cant say that we have been ridiculed for it, but I have had some funny looks off other mothers when I went to P&T group (DD and I no longer go) when they all asked how I was getting home and I said that I will be walking.

Nither DH or I expect or ask anyone to drive us anywhere, if someone offers and we need it we will accept, but that is quite rare TBH.

We like walking, and find it a good way to not only save money but keep fit in the process, the environmental benefits are the added extra.

fairbags · 20/05/2009 16:13

Furry cat do you just walk everywhere like us,do you ever intend to drive again?Just curious,I have it in the back of my mind I might..but the fear is huge.

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kiera · 20/05/2009 16:18

I didn't learn to drive till I was 34! Mind you until then I lived in a major city and public transport was brill and I had no children so didn't really need to. Now I'm in a small town with 2 kids I'd be lost without it.

kiera · 20/05/2009 16:19

Oh yes and the other reason I was terrified. Felt sick at every lesson. Even after I passed (first time! brill instructor) I was scared to go out. 3 years on I love driving and am so glad I did it.

fairbags · 20/05/2009 16:24

Oh thats really cool kiera,do you have it totally sussed now?

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staranise · 20/05/2009 16:24

I can drive but don't as we live in v busy part of London and the traffic frankly terrifies me (I only learnt a couple of years ago and am v nervous). I do drive locally but only if I really really have to - I find driving with three small DCs in the back so distracting it's dangerous.

Living in London we walk or take buses everywhere. The only time I feel bad is when we go somewhere long-distance and DH has to do all the driving as I've never been on a motorway. However, when/if we leave London, I guess I will haave to drive more plus the traffic presumably is quieter.

And yes, people do think I'm crazy, especially when they see me getting on & off the bus with three small children.

bigchris · 20/05/2009 16:28

oh yes I get this too
When I walk to school in torrential rain the other parents look at me like it's child abuse to the dcs, whereas I like to think it's character building
The worst are my parents, I suppose partly because they paid a lot of money for driving lessons when I was 17. Also my mum lives in a vilage with a bus only once an hour to town 9 miles away, she sees wives reliant on husbands and doesnt want me to end up like that but
I live in an area with buses every 15 minutes and can walk into town.

kiera · 20/05/2009 16:28

yep it's fab!!! I love the independence.

TheCrackFox · 20/05/2009 16:32

I can't drive and TBH I have no need for a car. I live a half hour walk from Edinburgh City Centre and the buses are good anyway.

I never need lifts from anyone either.

I do find it weird when people say it will give me my independence. Erm, I have travelled all over the world (inc. USA) and you really don't need a car.

Jux · 20/05/2009 16:36

I don't drive either. This is mainly because I lived in central London most of my life and pub trans was plenty good enough, and walking was easy.

In the country now, it's a different matter, and I am toying with the idea of learning.

onthepier · 20/05/2009 16:38

I sympathise with you, Fairbags! I don't drive, spent a lot of money on lessons and failed several tests some years ago now. I admit that I've never found anything so difficult as driving, just didn't come naturally to me so I've sort of drawn a line underneath it and don't drive.

As a family we get lots of comments because my dh doesn't drive either, (passed his test years ago but just didn't enjoy it), and we have two daughters. However, we both live within 15 mins. walk away from our work, (the children's school is even closer)! Also due to the nature of my dh's job, he's entitled to a company car which as we obv don't use, we get a yearly allowance in lieu, which we use for transport. People look horrified if I say we're taking a taxi and start insisting we have a lift with them, but we just say we're not spending out on a car, so we expect to pay for our own transport. We'd hate to rely on people and never have!

As a family we're all very comfortable with buses, taxis and trains, have positioned ourselves in a central area, and even when we go on holiday we'll pay out for a return taxi to the airport, have done this for years!

We have had comments from people and also they can get a bit offended if they offer lifts and we decline. If we've pre-booked a taxi or there's a very convenient bus home from somewhere which stops in our road, (as most do around here!), why put somebody else out?

People have hinted that our dd's must miss out on out-of-school activities, but they don't. Public transport is so good around here, plus anything local they're very keen to scooter or cycle to! We don't feel our lives are restricted at all, but I suppose it's a case of what you're used to. People don't comment so much now, maybe they're more used to us too!

fairbags · 20/05/2009 16:41

I think about this a lot but worry that a nervous (terrified!)driver wont be a good idea on the roads.

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sleepyeyes · 20/05/2009 16:45

fairbags I don't drive either and really have no desire to learn. I walk everywhere a short walk to me is 3/4 miles or get the train, occasionally a bus or if out with my DH he drives.
When I lived in London and was a few years younger, no one batted an eye now EVERYONE goes on at me about it, like I have missed some sort of milestone in my life like learning to walk, first day at school, first relationship, first job..... first car. Really starting to annoy me.

YANBU

ShinyPinkShoes · 20/05/2009 16:46

I was involved in a horrible accident 3 weeks ago and am still off work recovering from my injuries. I had only passed my test 2 weeks earlier so as a result my confidence is at an all time low.

I KNOW the sooner I drive again the easier it will be and am hoping to be able to drive with a friend tomorrow but am very nervous.

Can you have a few lessons as a kind of refresher maybe?

furrycat · 20/05/2009 16:55

fairbags, I think I WOULD like to drive again. It is causing problems eg dh is usually the one to go to kids' parties because I can't always get there (or I offer to get the bus but he says it will take ages so he will go)

On the whole I am happy walking orgetting the bus but do feel guilty that when we do drive it is left to DH and accept that sometimes it is easier to drive than get the bus

Thunderduck · 20/05/2009 17:01

I don't drive either, though I think I'd like to learn.

I have had a few lessons but I'm dyspraxic and it's extremely difficult for me. My coordination is so poor.

I'm also a very tense anxious person and the thought of being on the road with so many crazy drivers makes me ill.

I don't mind public transport, and I don't go out all that often, but I would like to learn. Perhaps in time I will.

purpleduck · 20/05/2009 17:01

fairbags
I used to drive at home (Canada), but there was FAR less traffic, I didn't learn properly, AND i had gotten into an accident.
So when I came here I was petrified!

When I was training to become a hypnotherapist, I worked on it ALOT (we had to practice on each other), and it did help enormously. It wasn't that I instantly had a burning desire to drive, but when I DID start to drive again I was much calmer.

SO, I got my UK license at age 37, and yes, I had gotten my share of comments. Like my sister saying (repeatedly) I can't IMAGINE not driving. It used to bug me alot!

But now that I do drive, I like it. I kinda had to as I knew the jobs I wanted wouldn't be in my town. I am still a bit nervous having to navigate, but that is more down to my appalling sense of direction!!!

Good luck!!

Nekabu · 20/05/2009 17:15

I'd worry about being so heavily reliant on public transport. It has got (or certainly has in my area) slowly worse over the years. What standard will it be in 10/20/30/40 years time? I'd be concerned that it would be not too good by then and would also worry that when I got old that I would find it difficult and restricting to be solely dependent on it.

happywomble · 20/05/2009 17:15

fairbags.
I like you passed my test years ago then lived in cities and never needed to drive.

The moment I moved out and had children it became much more difficult not feeling confident about driving and trying to get everywhere on foot or by public transport. To be honest one of the major things that made me face my fear of driving was that I sometimes felt uneasy with other people's driving....sometimes too fast for my liking or tailgating etc. I also found I couldn't get to friends in villages etc.

I took refresher lessons and then tried driving a few times with DH present. I then tried driving very short distances alone and gradually worked my way up. I still haven't conquered my motorway phobia but now really enjoy driving. It opens up so many more places to go and I have gained self confidence from conquering my fear. When my DCs are teenagers I will be able to pick them up from parties etc.

I think the only thing that has suffered is my waistline as walking everywhere is very good excercise and now it is too easy to drive more than necessary.

There are of course risks in driving but then there are also risks as a pedestrian and being driven by other people. If you conquer your fear and become a really competant and confident driver you will feel safer because you won't be relying on other peoples driving (which may not always be good). Also if you ever move out of the city it will be hard for you to get to places without driving.

It is completely your decision not to drive and no one should criticise you for it. I think that once people are confident driving they forget how hard it is to overcome an initial fear of driving.

fairbags · 20/05/2009 17:18

I do consider al these things and am lucky that I have a very understanding husband who has never once even mentioned it but to have the confidence to just jump in our (rather nice) car would be liberating.

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Nekabu · 20/05/2009 17:21

How do you feel about having refresher lessons?

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