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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wonder if i'm paranoid or they really are out to get me?

33 replies

canigotobedyet · 16/05/2009 18:42

It's my birthday. So far (18.30h) I have exchanged about 3 sentences with DP: he has been off playing sport, spent some hours in front of his computer, and has now gone out with his mates (who include women - I don't get invited, as don't the various partners of the men, because the women don't want other women there).
Phonecall to my family: at no stage does anyone say happy birthday. My Mum gets on, addresses me by the name she used to use to humiliate me as a small child (it has never had any positive connotations) and asks if I got the lottery ticket she sent, "because she thought that'd get a rise out of me". She knows i think lottery tickets are a total waste of money. She knows I loathe the name she uses. She asks what I have planned for the day, when I say "not much" she uses it as an opportunity to tell me I should be shacked up with one of my sister's ex boyfriends from 10 years ago, since he at least knew how to treat people (abusive git banker who handed out tiffany jewellery and swore at everyone). My Dad gets on and tells me I know nothing about computers or astronomy repeatedly, then gets off. My sister gets on and asks whether the child's jigsaw she sent me turned up "I know you don't have time to do jigsaws in your job, but I thought the box was pretty and [her] dd didn't like it anyway". At that stage all I'd said was "thanks for the lovely present"!

And no, i don't have time to do jigsaws. Particularly ones with 12 pieces. I'm a bloody surgeon, I do squishy smelly jigsaws all day every day...

I know I'm a boring humourless moaner who needs to lighten up, but does this actually seem extraordinarily horrible as a birthday to anyone out there?

OP posts:
hercules1 · 16/05/2009 18:43

what a horrible birthday! Poor you.

mamas12 · 16/05/2009 18:49

And you've accepted all this behaviour?
Poor you but in a small way they are able to treat you like this because you let them.
Time to stick it to everyone and lay it on the line.
What do you want to do for your birthday now and then make it happen tell dh or whoever needs to know enable your plans and do it.
If you can't think of yourself and be selfish on you own birthday when can you?
I really feel for you, no=one seems to be thinking of you at all, do you think it's because you always put others first? If so change it.

purpleduck · 16/05/2009 18:51

All I can say is...........................................................

You're a surgeon!!??

vvv impressed.

Happy Birthday!!!
Hope your dh has planned a giant party, and your family is in on it

Is he generally ok with birthdays?

If nothing happens, then do you have someone you can call at short notice to go out for a meal with??

FabulousBakerGirl · 16/05/2009 18:51

Kick the lot out and get yourself out on the town to find a decent bloke who treats you right.

You can't be stupid if you are a surgeon so stop putting up with this crap.

FabulousBakerGirl · 16/05/2009 18:51

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

juneybean · 16/05/2009 18:54

Happy Birthday!!! Hope it gets better for you

GypsyMoth · 16/05/2009 18:54

i'd quite like one of your sisters ex's.......handing out jewellery like that!!

seriously though,happy birthday.....maybe use today as a day to evaluate your lot in life? your dh sounds very selfish.

canigotobedyet · 16/05/2009 18:58

sorry, that wan't meant to be a look at me I'm a surgeon moment (sorry) - more a pointing out that I work >100hours a week, am usually too knackered/busy to eat let alone sit round doing jigsaws, and while a kiddy jigsaw would perhaps be an appropriate gift for someone with little kids or who had a job involving little kids, to me it just feels like dear sis is taking the piss... particularly the "dd didn't like it anyway" bit...

OP posts:
sockmonkey · 16/05/2009 18:58

Happy Birthday.
Make it a birthday week and try and do something special

canigotobedyet · 16/05/2009 19:02

oh and thanks for the bday wishes chaps - MN saves the day again

OP posts:
mamas12 · 16/05/2009 19:04

Make it a HAPPY BIRTHDAY for yourself.
And hey congratulations on being a surgeon.
What is your sis problem the jigsaw is insulting. Unless of course purpleduck is right and they are all in on a surprise party??
If not where do you live I fancy a night out.

Kimi · 16/05/2009 19:09

your not allowed to go out with your DP because other women there do not want partners there?!!!

Are these the slag type women who like to throw them self at other peoples DP/DHs?

Are they so ugly, boring, silly and insecure that they can not be in the same room as a grown woman?

I am sorry you are surrounded by such mean and nasty people.

Can't get over the not allowed to go bit...if this was me I would bloody well put my foot down, I go out without the other half and he without me at times but no way would there be any "oh you can not come because so and so wont like it"... Had that once so I got myself a toyboy and buggered off

hullygully · 16/05/2009 19:14

Get a machine gun now. Visit pub and family. Take self out for slap-up and have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

(And tomorrow do think seriously about what the hell you are doing with these people.)

HumphreyCobbler · 16/05/2009 19:14

it is still very cool to be a surgeon
be proud
and happy birthday!

warthog · 16/05/2009 19:16

happy birthday

but just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you

HeadFairy · 16/05/2009 19:18

Happy Birthday!!!!

Cool job btw, horridly long hours, but wow, you're like proper clever

Sod the family, you can't choose them, you can however choose your friends and partners, and yours needs to do some major grovelling tomorrow and treat you to whatever you fancy.

GentlyDoesIt · 16/05/2009 19:21

I'm with warthog. Sounds like you don't trust your judgement (that your family and DH are behaving like wankers) at all.

Trust yourself, treat yourself to something (not too late to pop out for champagne and goodies for a self-pampering night).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY canigotobedyet!

LucyTownsend · 16/05/2009 19:22

Happy Birthday!

I would be kicking up a fuss and demanding to be spoilt at the next possible opportunity, and obviously, his birthday would not deserve any recognition either!

purpleduck · 16/05/2009 19:23

Agree with the "Birthday Week" notion.

And I am also wondering about those "friend types" who don't want partners there.

GossipMonger · 16/05/2009 19:24

and your family sound a bit toxic so I would cut them off for a while

You are obviously an intelligent woman so why let DP treat you like this? does he treat you with such disrespect regularly?

How old are your children?

Am for you.

TheProfiteroleThief · 16/05/2009 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purpleduck · 16/05/2009 19:24

By the way, I'm available tonight...? do you live in the south? I'll just need a quick bath....

Kimi · 16/05/2009 19:26

I think we should send her a stripper

juneybean · 16/05/2009 19:27

Haha along with a takeaway and some wine!

warthog · 16/05/2009 19:30

GentlyDoesIt i'm thrilled you agree with me! doesn't happen often in rl you see... you've made my evening!