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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Honest opinions please.

66 replies

blondie80 · 15/05/2009 22:24

my dd who is 9 has decided for the last month or so that she is now a lesbian. i know she doesn't understand the real in's and out's and i'm fine with whatever.

i think the idea has come from hollyoaks.

she told two of her friends in school this and the teacher overheard. my dd was given lines and told not to repeat the 'L' word again as it is 'not a nice thing to say'.

i don't know if i should complain or write or what to do, i do think the teacher is very out of order, what do you think?

OP posts:

tattifer · 18/05/2009 21:45

Me too - any response yet?

Original poster

blondie80 · 19/05/2009 10:41

sorry for not getting back sooner, i don't get on the net too much.

will try and answer all questions.

the letter says they want to inform me about an incident that took place regarding dd being overheard talking about lesbians to other girls in her class. it then says thankfully no 'harm' was done and that my dd was made to apologise to the teacher, classroom assistant (who was the one who overheard) and the vice principle!!! and then it states that hopefully dd will not do anything similar again this year.

it was when i asked dd what happened she said that the teacher and assistant had told her not to say the 'l' word again as it wasn't a nice thing to say and then made her stay in over lunch and do writing (copying out of the reading book)

my dd is very grown up/mature for her age and always has been. i think maybe hollyoaks is too old for her and will now sky+ for watching later.

i have drafted a letter to send to the teacher.

it basically says, that dd may have been overheard wrongly but regardless i am frankly shocked that she has been told 'lesbian' is a bad word and i have had to reassure her that it is not. i have put a note that she is taught at home that there are all different people in the world and that none are better than others and do not expect her to be taught different at school.

what do you lot think, anything i should add??

should i send direct to her teacher or go through the proper school admin and copy to the head teacher??

i am wick at complaining, but this is important and i feel i really need to stick up for dd.

OP posts:

Poppity · 19/05/2009 11:00

I would go and see the head face to face as well as a letter.

Servalan · 19/05/2009 11:23

Personally I would copy in the head teacher.

I think there's a good chance that the teacher was just being heavy-handed at dealing with children talking about more "adult" subjects rather than being deliberately homophobic.

However, what happened clearly isn't acceptable - teaching children that "lesbian" is a bad word is terrible, and maybe the school staff as a whole need some education on being more sensitive and tolerant.

At least if the Head is aware s/he could sort out some sort of policy on how staff deal with this in future.

MANATEEequineOHARA · 19/05/2009 11:39

Wow, I am amazed at how backward and narrow minded the school are being. I would do everything possible to get an apology and an explanation from the teacher, it would be good to see her realise how disgusting her comments were. "Thankfully there was no harm done", that is unbelievable!

Good luck!

Casserole · 19/05/2009 11:50

I'd also ask exactly what she was "made to apologise" for.

morningpaper · 19/05/2009 11:53

dear FUCKING God I would be hysterical with rage

WHAT THE FUCK do they think they are talking about?

I would be sending VERY STRONGLY WORDED LETTERS to the head teacher, the teacher, the board of governors and everyone from the caretaker to the fucking prime minister

And I would not rest until I had them on their knees grovelling apologies and sending all their staff for the appropriate fucking training

I need a valium just THINKING about it

lisylisylou · 19/05/2009 12:10

Maybe the teacher's concerned about how it will affect the rest of the students. Maybe they're concerned about other parents complaining and that's why she came down so heavy handed.

I would say it's your daughters perogative to be whatever she wants to be. After seeing it on Hollyoaks, maybe she thinks it's cool. (Although no comparison - like my son wants to be a power ranger!!). She's seen something, repeated it to friends, teacher came down waaaay too heavy handed on it all because she's out of her depth in this situation.

The headmaster needs talking to and I would try and find out what provisions they have in place in situations like these. Surely, this can't be the first and last time they've dealt with this?

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 19/05/2009 12:55

I am a teacher and that is APPALLING! WTF? If she was made to apologise to a member of SMT it suggests that they are supporting the sanctions imposed on her (also, most schools have to copy letters home to the Head or Head's PA so they'll already know about the incident).

I'd send your letter, CC it to Chair of Governors, Ofsted and the LEA.

I am so on your DD's behalf.

Original poster

blondie80 · 19/05/2009 13:02

Thanks for all your support, i have now formalised my letter, typed it etc. with a copy for the headmaster.

i don't know if he would know about it because the letter i have from the teacher is handwritten on a piece of plain A4.

Will pop post today.

It's always in the back of my head that the teacher could make life difficult/horrible for my dd.

OP posts:

BillSilverFoxBuchanan · 19/05/2009 13:08

I'm as outraged as morningpaper, but as I did have a valium an hour ago I cannot express myself quite so strongly

Surely if your dd had to apologise to the vice principal the head will be aware of the situation?

This has to be one of the most shocking things I have ever read on MN tbh.

Good on you for taking action Blondie.

frAKKINPannikin · 19/05/2009 13:08

In which case the teacher would be horrendously homophobic - someone above mentioned hate crimes and although I wouldn't regard it on that scale the important thing to remember is the perception is what counts and if your DD perceives she is being treated differently as a result of this then there is something seriously wrong and I would be taking it higher than the Head Teacher.

Head Teacher to start, if it's not resolved then do as Ineedchocolatenow says and start copying other people in, attaching copies of the original letter and reply to bring them up to speed.

I really, really hope this gets sorted out quickly though. Keep us posted!

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/05/2009 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotPlayingAnyMore · 19/05/2009 13:43

Only just seen this thread. My face looks like this Good on you for taking it all the way!

noonar · 19/05/2009 13:49

is it possible that the teacher got the wrong ened if the stick and thought your dd was using the word 'lesbian' in a homophobic ridiculing type of way as 'ugh, youre gay you are!'

even in those circs, tho, lines not appropriate.

seeker · 19/05/2009 13:56

What sort of school is it? If it's a state school I would be involving the LEA.

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