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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really pissed off with his boss wife

33 replies

slushy06 · 15/05/2009 09:45

I am 32 weeks pg so my dp notified his work months ago that he would require paternity leave. However apparently as three people are off my dp bosses wife has urged to think of the company before taking the two weeks paternity leave. She also complained that I was having a Vb as this left the company in a bit of turmoil if I don't go exactly on my due date. So her answer to this was my partener is urged that if I go early to not change the dates of his paternity leave. When my dp told her there was no way to plan these things she said 'yes there is your girlfriend will have anti natal appointments every week from 36 weeks and they will know when I am going to go in to labor. I don't have weekly appointments. None of this has been said in a unpleasant way but it is a threat and the last three people urged to think of the company that disobeyed were made redundant. What bugs me the most is she is just the bosses wife. AIBU to consider doing something v nasty to her car or her person.

OP posts:

ThePhantomPlopper · 15/05/2009 09:47

She sounds like a complete buffoon.

Does she have children?

MagNacarta · 15/05/2009 09:47

No go on slash her tires.

Ok, perhaps not. She is being unreasonable I'm sure someone with some HR experience will be along to advise.

rubyslippers · 15/05/2009 09:47

it is absolutely NOTHING to do with her

your DP is entitled to his paternity leave

YABU to consider causing criminal damage to her car (unless that is a joke)

she is talking out of her arse re planning a birth date -

if you feel your DP is being threatened then he needs to speak to HR and or his union/ACAS

ThePhantomPlopper · 15/05/2009 09:49

I don't know the ins and outs of employment legal stuff, but I'm pretty sure she can't make your DH redundant for taking paternity leave and he'd have a good case for unfair dismissal if she does fire him.

Pizazz · 15/05/2009 09:51

Even better, take the leave, let him get sacked. Take it to tribunal for unfair dismissal and you could gain an uncapped amount of money. One test case got 10 years wages! Imagine not having to work for ten years!

Original poster

slushy06 · 15/05/2009 09:52

She has two children thing is I met her at the works do and she seemed really nice. There is nothing really I can do as they are drawing up redundancy's if he stands up in anyway she can just choose that he is the one out of his office to go. She also didn't say anything that could be used to prove that if my dp goes against her his job will be forfeit. rubyslippers the car is a joke I certainly would not get myself a criminal record for this lady.

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 15/05/2009 09:53

fgs
she sounds like a moron
I would just tell her that he will take his paternity leave when you give birth. End of story

CountessDracula · 15/05/2009 09:53

oh and start a grievance against the company so that there is something in writing.

l39 · 15/05/2009 09:55

I am old and remember when you really did get weekly antenatal appointments in the last month. Of course she is totally wrong in saying that they can now, or ever could, predict when you'd go into labour!

You're not unreasonable at all. She is.

Sbeanmum · 15/05/2009 09:56

Hang on - what about the other people on leave? Would it not have been sensible for their leave requests to be rejected if it was such a crisis for people to be out of the office? She is BVU!

Can I pop round and slash her tires?

Pizazz · 15/05/2009 09:57

No, she has made it clear that he is not 'thinking of the company' if he takes his leave.

There is a strict procedure for redundancies (usually last in first out). If your husband does get made 'redundant' he can ask for a copy of it. Would be very helpful for case of unfair dismissal.

Also, keep an eye out, because if they hire anyone else to do the same work he was doing in the next 36 months he can go forward with unfair dismissal case. It's not a redundancy if the job is still available.

Also, even if they do come up with some bullshit reason why he was made redundant, you can challenge the redundancy selection procedure.

GetOrfMoiLand · 15/05/2009 10:01

Do you not get weekly appointments in the last month now? How often do you geth them, out of interest (also had a baby aaages ago).

This is a very dificulty situation, is it a small company which your DP works for? Even so it is utterly ridiculous that the MD's wife should have a say in it.

I would get you DP to make a record of each of these converstions that relate to this, and certainly collect any emails which refer to it, if indeed they have been stupid enough to commit this to paper, so to speak. Just to cover his back. Also make a stand and just state that he is taking his entitlement of paternity leave when the baby is born. You are right, though, it is a very worrying thing especially whilst you are pregnant and the threat of redundancy looms. Sounds like a loony company.

Original poster

slushy06 · 15/05/2009 10:03

I am due in the summer holiday's and his job is a v important and 3 of 6 staff are already off due to an error made with the staff leave dates so that will mean that 4 will be off and it would cause alot of problems with the company as I said the company is already facing difficulty and the 4 staff members being absent could cause them to go under so I can understand why she wants someone to sacrifice I just wish she had asked instead of threatening. I may have considered it then. We were going to split the paternity leave into two seperate weeks but she said the law has changed so that we can't do this anymore. Is that true.

OP posts:

SarahL2 · 15/05/2009 10:10

As far as I remember (was only 2 years ago but seems like forever), it only goes to weekly appointments after 40 weeks now.

But I will get a new list on Monday (beam) so I could let you know for sure then...

Original poster

slushy06 · 15/05/2009 10:10

Very big company won't say name in case witch is on here. goml I get anti natal appointments at 36weeks one at 38 weeks and then one at 41 weeks. I think I will inform them that dp will be taking his two weeks entitled paternity leave. She has left no written correspondences she just walked in and asked dp if he could go and sign the paternity form so his word against hers and then dropped this bombshell. I am just worried as me and dp will not be able to keep up mortgage repayments if we go even one month without wages.

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tutu100 · 15/05/2009 10:10

Paternity leave does have to be taken as 2 consecutive weeks, but doesn't have to be taken as soon as the baby is born. I do not think your dp's boss is in the right at all, but if you have other family help for the first week or so after the birth I would consider getting your dp to take his 2 weeks later.

The reason I say this is because for the first week after I had both my ds's I had loads of people round to help (including dp). Then when his week was up (he only took a week because we couldn't afford to only have SPP) everyone else buggered off as well and I was on my own when I could really have done with some more help for another few weeks.

Longtalljosie · 15/05/2009 10:13

"She complained that I was having a Vb as this left the company in a bit of turmoil"

Make sure your dp is making a contemporaneous note of all this.

Anyway - this is the boss's wife. Is it a family business? Or does she just keep her husband's balls in a jar on the shelf?

It might be worth waking them up to what they're really saying in an email, so it's on record. Something like..

"We have considered the point made by Mrs X that my partner having a natural / vaginal birth is bad for the company because the date would be unpredictable. However, we feel it is a bit extreme to ask my partner to go through an elective c-section (which is not what she wants), simply to confirm when I take my paternity leave in advance."

tiggerlovestobounce · 15/05/2009 10:14

Has your DP talked to his boss about it? Shouldnt he just deal with his boss and not the wife?

flowerybeanbag · 15/05/2009 10:16

Several points

Firstly unfair dismissal compensation certainly is capped. Compensation is based on actual financial loss, so usually just actual loss of earnings but is capped at £66k atm iirc. Unusual to get more than 6 months' pay.

Secondly, last in first out is outdated as a redundancy selection method, it's not good practice any more and could potentially be discriminatory now that age discrimination is illegal. Performance, disciplinary record, attendance record, skills and experience are much fairer selection methods, and more common, fortunately.

Thirdly, what's your DP's bosses wife doing discussing your pregnancy with your DP in the first place? How does she even know what kind of birth you are having? I would suggest he refuses to discuss it with her any further. Obviously his boss can discuss his paternity leave with him, but your DP should certainly refuse to discuss it with his wife, and should complain to his actual boss about this as well.

Fourthly, your DP certainly can't be sacked for taking paternity leave, no.

Fifthly, no he can't separate the two weeks, they must be taken together.

Original poster

slushy06 · 15/05/2009 10:19

tutu That might be an idea on ds I felt like dp paternity leave was wasted he hardly got to hold ds1 and then as soon as he went back to work the visitors stopped coming leaving me feeling lonely. There is also a good point I guess now I can limit MIL visits without her being able to complain or cause an argument

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GetOrfMoiLand · 15/05/2009 10:20

Oh, I liked it when I got to the last month of pregnancy and got weekly appointments with the midwife, I felt all special

The company does look like it is in a bit of a pickle, however why did not not just ask your DP straight if he would be able to take his paternity later, instead of sullying it with a load of stupid comments made by the boss's bloody wife.

I would hate to be bullied into making such a decision, however if you are so worried, and you have got a load of support, it may be prudent to take the paternity leave later. It may be the thin end of the wedge, though.

Original poster

slushy06 · 15/05/2009 10:23

The boss will agree with what ever his wife says. The boss certainly does not wear the trousers I actually believe he is more frightened of her than my dp is.

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Original poster

slushy06 · 15/05/2009 10:31

gomlI will have lots of support and have a huge family my nan was one of 10 and all 10 had at least 4 children who have mostly got children themselves now. So dp didn't get much of a look in last time round it was overwhelming having so many visitors but I would probably deal with them better if I knew dp would soon be off work so I could relax and have time just the four of us. I know I could probably get compensation but my dp job is quite specialist and he would be lucky to find a replacement job in a year which means even with payout I could still lose my home. I just don't think its worth all the stress to fight. I might take the two weeks later and tell dp to start looking for a better job elsewhere.

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lilackaty · 15/05/2009 10:55

I know of a teacher who took his paternity leave over 10 weeks, 1 day per week. This was a while ago and maybe was a special case - mush easier for his employers to do it that way.
I do agree with whoever said that him delaying it might work well for you. Sounds like a horrible situation.

mrsblanc · 15/05/2009 11:03

Of course she is being unreasonable. And stupid.

But your last sentence of your first post is the very definition of unreasonable.
Go on, slash her tyres and beat her up.
Then go to jail. That'll help.

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