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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider selling a wedding ring that was left to me in a will

53 replies

mariemarie · 14/05/2009 20:25

About 15 years ago my nans sister died. She had no children of her own and my mum was her favourite niece.

At her funeral, her husband gave me her wedding ring and said that she wanted me to have it as she had no grandaughter of her own to leave it to.

Last year her husband died, and left my mum a considerable sum of money. Nothing to any of the other 10 neices or nephews though, which just shows how much they thought of my mum.

Anyway, this week, my mum has been reading about how gold is now in demand and how shops are paying good prices for old gold. She took some of her things and was pleasantly surprised at how much she got. So much so, that she rang me and suggested I sell her aunties ring because its just sat in my drawer gathering dust. Its a 22carat ring.

Would it be awful to sell it? I wouldnt mind the money to be honest, it would come in handy but admittedly, I feel a bit shallow doing it.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
mariemarie · 14/05/2009 20:26

Oh, would just add, that my nan has since passed away aswell.

OP posts:
MayorNaze · 14/05/2009 20:26

do you need the money or would you just like it?

InternationalFlight · 14/05/2009 20:27

I don't think I could, but it depends on why you think she left it to you iyswim? What would she say?

Tamarto · 14/05/2009 20:27

I'd only do it if i really needed the money.

SoupDragon · 14/05/2009 20:28

Personally I'd sell the gold and buy something that I would wear to remember her by.

JeMeSouviens · 14/05/2009 20:28

If I were very desperate for the money, to the point of being homeless/no food etc... then I'd consider it.

However I very much like the idea of family heirlooms, so would probably keep it to pass on when I passed on.

themildmanneredjanitor · 14/05/2009 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pizazz · 14/05/2009 20:31

Maybe you could get it melted into something you would wear? That's pretty expensive to do though (DH's family do it with all their jewellery heirlooms).

Personally I think Soupdragons idea is a good one.

Original poster
mariemarie · 14/05/2009 20:32

mmm... dilema. I totally agree with all of you but then soupdragons suggestion seems nice aswell.

My mums view is that its just sat in my drawer doing nothing, I cant wear it as its far too big for me.

Jemesouviens - its hardly a heirloom, just a 22carat gold wedding ring.

Am not trying to justify what I'm considering doing here, and I am interested in what everyone thinks. FWIW, I would never have even considered it only for my mum ringing me.

OP posts:
smackapacka · 14/05/2009 20:33

I'd definitely do it. There's far too much stuff sat around in drawers gathering dust. If you don't wear it anyway then what's the point? Might as well go to someone who'll enjoy it.

InternationalFlight · 14/05/2009 20:34

What do you think she wanted you to do with it?

Sassybeast · 14/05/2009 20:36

Oh I couldn't - she obviously thought long and hard about who she wanted to take care of it for her and I just couldn't trade it in unless I was desperate for the cash.

Lizzylou · 14/05/2009 20:36

I would second Soupdragon's suggestion.

MistressSeuss · 14/05/2009 20:37

If you are not wearing it, could you melt it down into an item you would wear? My dad took lots of small bits of his mums and turned the gold into a lovely necklace for my mum.

Is the price of gold really so good to give up something of sentimental value, unless you really need the money?

boogiewoogie · 14/05/2009 20:37

"Personally I'd sell the gold and buy something that I would wear to remember her by."

I don't understand how you could buy something else to remember her by. You can't really replace it. It was given as a memento and to exchange it just because you wouldn't wear it wouldn't really mean anything.

SoupDragon · 14/05/2009 20:38

I am fairly certain that her intention was not for you to leave it in a drawer.

I wouldn't sell it just for the money though. As I said, I would definitely sell it to buy something I would wear or have it re-made into something I would wear.

I recently sold a hideous pot pourri thing my late grandmother gave me and spent the money on Emma Bridgewater stuff that I do like.

MistressSeuss · 14/05/2009 20:38

x-post pizazz, great minds ;)

Hassled · 14/05/2009 20:39

I've sold inherited wedding rings. It wasn't nice but I badly needed the money at the time. If your need for the cash outweighs any sentimentality you have about the ring, then sell it.

SoupDragon · 14/05/2009 20:41

back at you, Boogie. It would mean whatever you want it to mean. It is ridiculous to hang onto things that are just languishing in a drawer. Far better to change them into something you will see every day and think "I was bale to have this because of X".

SoupDragon · 14/05/2009 20:44

What is the point of a memento that you don't see? When my grandmother died, I bought a candlestick that was the same height as she was (she was weeny). Clearly she had nothing to do with the candlestick and never saw it yet every time I look at it I think of her.

boogiewoogie · 14/05/2009 20:46

Well, think we shall have to agree to disagree Soupy.

I personally don't think that she would necessarily buy something and remember her nan by it. Perhaps just "I bought this with X's money from when I sold X's ring".

boogiewoogie · 14/05/2009 20:49

Not everyone will think like that though.

Original poster
mariemarie · 14/05/2009 20:53

Boogie Woogie, it wasnt my nans ring, it was my nans sister. I didnt really see her very much and only remember visiting her a handful of times as a child.

I think it has more to do with me being the daughter of her favourite neice. My mum did alot for her when she had cancer and I remember as a child going cleaning out her kitchen cupboards. She said we were the only ones that helped her.

OP posts:
ChocFridgeCake · 14/05/2009 20:59

I think the point is remembering the person, and I'm sure OP doesn't need a ring for that. OP can't wear the actual ring because of the size anyway, so it would require considerable tampering with to make it fit.

I think it's OK to sell it if something of use or beauty is bought with the money it fetches, not just tat or household expenses.

There again, I am in the apparent minority of people who genuinely don't mind if someone returns/swaps a present I have bought them. I would rather someone has something they like than something they don't. It doesn't change the sentiment in which the gift was given or received, just the vessel.

Ultimately these things are all possessions which, should there be flood/fire etc, can be destroyed or lost. Memories are more valuable as are speaking of the deceased with affection and love, that's a much better legacy.

For example my dad speaks quite often of his own three great-aunts dearly and respectfully and the fact they left him a few valuable bits doesn't really come into it for him.

I never met them as they passed away long before I was born, but through Dad I feel I know these decent, hardworking and bright ladies and feel proud that they are my ancestry.

pinkstarfish · 14/05/2009 21:01

oh keep it I thought your post was very touching when you said her husband gave it to you and said she wanted you to have it. She obviously thought a lot of you.

It just seems a bit wrong to get rid of it. Pleeeeease keep it