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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider selling a wedding ring that was left to me in a will

53 replies

mariemarie · 14/05/2009 20:25

About 15 years ago my nans sister died. She had no children of her own and my mum was her favourite niece.

At her funeral, her husband gave me her wedding ring and said that she wanted me to have it as she had no grandaughter of her own to leave it to.

Last year her husband died, and left my mum a considerable sum of money. Nothing to any of the other 10 neices or nephews though, which just shows how much they thought of my mum.

Anyway, this week, my mum has been reading about how gold is now in demand and how shops are paying good prices for old gold. She took some of her things and was pleasantly surprised at how much she got. So much so, that she rang me and suggested I sell her aunties ring because its just sat in my drawer gathering dust. Its a 22carat ring.

Would it be awful to sell it? I wouldnt mind the money to be honest, it would come in handy but admittedly, I feel a bit shallow doing it.

What do you think?

OP posts:
boogiewoogie · 14/05/2009 21:03

Hello Marie,

I'm not judging you personally for wanting to sell it although it wouldn't be what I would do.

You have already mentioned how highly your nan's sister (great aunt?) and her dh thought of your mother and has bequeathed quite a few things to her. I guess, as others have already mentioned, what do you think your nan's sister would have wanted you to do with it? Perhaps she hoped that you would use it on your wedding day?

Not suggesting that is what you do of course.

MN isn't here to help you decide what to do with it but you did ask for opinions.

Noonki · 14/05/2009 21:07

I don't think it is wrong to sell it. I love soupys idea.

It is only an object. If it is in drawer it is doing no good for anyone.

Someone else cna now have it and perhaps love it in a way you don't.

It doesn't mean you will think about you auntie any less. If you follow soups advice you could get soemthing you will use and remember her by daily.

Original poster
mariemarie · 14/05/2009 21:08

Bogie woogie, I am already married. I did actually contemplate having the ring re-sized when I was married 10 years ago but, my engagement ring is only 9carat (cheap skate DH!! only joking).

I was told by the jewellers that you shouldnt wear different carat together on the same finger because 22carat is much softer than 9carat and it would rub against the harder ring and damage it.

I'm not offended by anyone who thinks I shouldnt be even considering selling the ring. I really do want honest opinions.

OP posts:
LobstersLass · 14/05/2009 21:11

Sell it. It's yours. Do what you like with it.

littlestarschildminding · 15/05/2009 08:05

sell it sell it sell it

Its gathering dust in a drawer. Do something fun with the money.

If I were dead and it were my ring I would much rather it was sold and you had fun with it than it sat in the drawer gathering dust!!

SoupDragon · 15/05/2009 11:27

"Perhaps just "I bought this with X's money from when I sold X's ring". " Er, that's exactly what I said. How is that anything other than using the item as a trigger to think of the person??

ninedragons · 15/05/2009 11:37

Personally I wouldn't. Haven't, in fact - I have my great-aunt's wedding ring even though I never met her.

The thing is that you can't replace heirlooms, and they're not really yours anyway. You probably won't get a large amount of money for it unless it's gigantic, and personally I'd much prefer that it was available to be used by my own grandchild or great grandchild if they fancied it.

But it's your ring, so entirely up to you.

Sorrento · 15/05/2009 11:38

Has anybody mentioned you'll get about £30 tops for a gold ring yet, maybe less, really not worth it is it ?

pinkstarfish · 15/05/2009 11:50

Also, if you pass it on to your children, maybe your great, great, great granddaughter(for example!) might be totally in love with it and think it's lovely, and she'll know that it's been passed down through the generations. Just because you don't like it or use it doesn't mean your offspring wont. Look at yourself as a keeper or a passer-oner.

PrimulaVeris · 15/05/2009 11:50

I certainly wouldn't sell it or get rid. I'm unashamedly sentimental I admit, and things like that mean a very great deal to me - whether I actually wear them or not is just not the point.

I think the reasons for not selling lie in the way in which it was given to you - a wedding ring given to you by her widower; that must have meant so, so much to him. And at the lady's funeral too. It was obviously intended as a sentimental 'here's this to remember us by' item, not as, say, 'here's something which may be of value to you in later years'. Quite different.

boogiewoogie · 15/05/2009 12:55

I don't think it's a trigger to remember that person by as the new thing you will have bought will have nothing to do with that person.

steamedtreaclesponge · 15/05/2009 13:06

I think it could be a trigger if you made it one, IFKWIM

Anyway, if it's just sitting in a drawer then she's never going to look at it and remember anyway!

I think some people see getting rid of a gift as the same thing as dismissing the sentimental feelings that went with it. She gave you the ring because she liked you. Getting rid of the ring will not change that fact. You're not getting rid of the feelings that prompted the gift, just the object itself. And you're not suddenly going to stop remembering her just because it's gone.

I'm not expressing myself very clearly here, sorry

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/05/2009 13:12

i dont think i could sell it - maybe keep it and pass it on to your children

nice to have an heirloom

but I think i would get it resized and wear it

drlove8 · 15/05/2009 13:14

sell the ring, steamed is right, its the thought that counts, and you cant sell the thought, you'll still have it ring or no ring !

SusieDerkins · 15/05/2009 13:15

Ask yourself what your nan's sister or her husband would have said if you'd told her you were going to sell it. Would they be horrified or ok with it?

JemL · 15/05/2009 13:16

Personally, I wouldn't. I have an item of jewellery from a relative I never even met, which I wouldn't consider getting rid of - I love the idea it was passed on to me. But it is YOUR ring, and up to you to do what you feel comfortable with. Perhaps a good starting point would be to take it in and have it valued - and then you can make a decision based on that - ie would the money be enough to do / buy something worthwhile?

SoupDragon · 15/05/2009 13:20

If you look at a new item and think "I bought this with X's money from when I sold X's ring" then you are remembering them when you see the new item. Confused The item has something to do with the person because you bought it with the money from their ring.

Maybe your great, great, great granddaughter will love it and wear it. OTOH, your great granddaughter may sell it and spend the money on something lovely.

Get a sale valuation and take it from there.

robino · 15/05/2009 13:21

I've just asked a question on Style and Beauty about getting old gold melted down and made into something I would wear. FWIW it's my grandma's jewellery and to me it seems like a terrible waste to have it sitting in a drawer where it will never be worn. Am seriously considering talking it through with my dad and getting some of it "recreated" so that it will be worn. I'm sure my dear, mad, whisky loving gran would be fine with that!

MummyDragon · 15/05/2009 13:21

Sell it, for all the reasons already given. When my parents left me their house in their will, should I have kept if for ever and ever? Of course not.

TheProfiteroleThief · 15/05/2009 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slowreadingprogress · 15/05/2009 13:57

agree with profiterole - the money you'll get for second hand gold will not be much.

If this were me, I would go to a jeweller and have it re-modelled into a ring I would wear. My mum did this with her mother-in-laws engagement ring; it was absolutely not her style, very old fashioned; she now has a lovely, contemporary ring that she will wear forever. It's still a memento of her MIL but also something unique to her - and she wouldn't have had it without MIL's ring.

fatjac · 15/05/2009 16:18

Actually the price of 2nd hand gold has rocketed. Of course it will depend on the weight of the ring.

Caitni · 15/05/2009 16:36

It's interesting to read people's thoughts on this.

I'm quite a supporter of selling old jewellery that can be melted down/refashioned into other jewellery for environmental reasons (for both reuse and recycle reasons). I sold gold jewellery I was given for my 21st by my boyfriend at the time. I never liked it, I split up with that particular boyfriend not long after I turned 21 and it was sat in a drawer doing nothing. I hope it got turned into something (anything!) that was more useful to or enjoyed by someone else! But I also would never be able to part with a gold ring I inherited as a child when my father died (he wore it, nothing could ever replace that for me). But I wouldn't expect whoever I leave it to to have the same connection to it.

For the OP, if the money you could get is more useful or important than the sentimental value then sell it - it's no use to anyone sitting in a drawer (especially as to sell it wouldn't annoy/hurt your grand-uncle or your grandmother either). If you value the sentimental connection more, or you value how it connects you to your grandmother's generation (and how it reflects on the special nature of your mother and your own relationship with this childless couple) and want to share this by leaving or giving it to your child then keep it...

Original poster
mariemarie · 15/05/2009 17:02

Thanks for all your opinions girls. I dont know if your interested to know but my mum took it to the jewellers this morning and they offered her £66 immediately. A friend of my husbands also deals in gold and he said he would easily give me £100 for it.

He has also said that he doesnt offer the best prices and that I could even get much more if I shopped around.

As I said, its 22 carat and is quite a chunky ring.

If it was only worth £20-£30 I probably wouldnt do it but, if we are talking a minimum of £100 then that certainly changes things.

Am still undecided on what to do. Have spoken to my mum and dad today about it and both of them think its fine to sell it.

OP posts:
Original poster
mariemarie · 15/05/2009 17:08

Profiterole - the ring weighed in at 6.16 grams. Much more than a normal wedding ring.

OP posts:
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