to try and railroad my husband into having a baby no 3?

[malvern]

Tonight's the night we've scheduled a 'sit-down' to try and come to a solution about having a third child.

The background to me wanting a third child is undeniably that I would like to try for a girl. I would love a daughter.

However, the reality of wanting a third child is my desire to move on with our lives. My need to have a 3rd baby won?t go away. 5-10 years down the line I'm still going to be thinking about having a 3rd baby (I'll be too old by then) I spend most my waking hours now thinking about a 3rd baby.

Whatever the sex of baby no 3, my honest feeling would be of utter joy that my life was complete and that our lives would move on as a family. (I would never contemplate more than 3).

My husband doesn't want any more children. He rightfully thinks we are lucky with our lot and thinks two is a manageable number.

I was poised to tonight try and talk/railroad him into having a No.3 But this morning I'm wondering whether I'm right to fight for this or am I being too selfish to try and push him into something this important. Has anyone been through this? What was the outcome?

malven have you always wanted 3 children or is it just because you would like to try for a girl?

malvern how did the talk go?

chocolatekitten (love your name) - my mum always wanted more children (I am an only child) and this was never a secret ... it was always brought up at family parties etc etc and I HATED it, always felt like I wasn't enough for her, etc etc ... so I guess everyone responds to these things differently! Glad you didn't feel this way though

Well...the conversation was, to my suprise, pretty much led by DH. He started by saying that he had been thinking things over and realised that my desire for wanting another baby was far stronger than his feeling of not wanting one.

He said he would prefer to stick at 2 for 'logistical' reasons, car, holidays, time with each sibling but if a No 3 were to arrive he would them as much and as equally as he does our 2 little men now. His preference would be not to have to go through the whole first 12 month stage again but he understood how important it was to me, and felt the risk of not going for No3 could lead me to being in a pretty grim state of mind.

I did take these postings back to him and he said it confirmed to him the depth of my feeling and was suprised that people took the time to offer advice to a stranger. He repeated something that ChocolateKitten had said about 'it eating me up' and he said that this was his big concern.

This then made me feel incredibly guilty that he was being so understanding and so I said I would be willing to go to a counsellor to see if I could 'get rid' of the feeling of wanting a third but he flat refused this and said 'it's from the heart, it's not going to go away'.

He said his decision had been made - let's get cracking!!

His one request was that we start trying sooner rather than later, and that I continue to work part time so that we have some time as a couple (we can take days holiday together while the kids are with our fabulous childcarer.

So, I feel like a great weight has been lifted and I'm on Cloud Nine, I just hope I've not taken advantage of his good spirit?

Your Dh sounds like a lovely man. I'm so happy for you, it's nice to see a happy ending.

Please let us know how you get on.

malvern Thanks for getting back to us. Your DH sounds like a diamond.

I wish you the best of luck

Good luck.

Maybe wait a week at least before starting to try so you know in your own mind he really means it?

Hey malvern - that is fantastic news, well done you and well done to your husband for being so lovely too. Bet your kids are wonderful

Lovely chap, your DH. Now get cracking!

hurray...I just read through this thread thinking what to add...my Dh agreed to my third (his fourth) this w/e after me being unable to think of anything else for about a year.

About a month ago he had said no and I tried very hard not to get too upset but he caught me in tears many times over 'nothing' that I think he finally circumed. he loves the DCs so much that I think he is actually really happy!

Now I am worrying if we'll cope with them all

lovely news and what a top bloke - top marks to Mr Malvern

malvern, very happy for you! Your dh sounds like a pet!

How fantastic , so pleased for you!

Yes, your husband seems absolutely lovely, lucky you and the children !

So refreshing to read a story like this.

And they lived happily ever after.....

MummyDragon,

I obviously don't know your mum, but I do believe she craved another child as she enjoyed having and raising you so much she longed to repeat the experience.

You should be very happy indeed in the knowledge you brought so much joy to your mum, she just wanted more of it. I know this was definitely the reason behind each decision I took to have another child.
Also, the fact I wanted my children to have siblings as I myself loved growing up in a busy home and love having a brother and a sister now we're all grown up.
Your mum wanted the same for you, maybe ?

Would you rather your mum kept telling everyone , no thank you , definitely no more, as if you were a chore she'd rather just get over with and be done ?
( Though I do know that many people stop at one for different and valid reason, so no offence anyone, please ).

PS thank you, I like my name too, but the inspiration is even cuter, my chocolate coloured moggy, he does exist.
I'm a chocaholic too, so very fitting.

MummyDragon, again

Just want to add that it is a pity though that your mum didn't realize how you felt about it and explained, made you feel reassured.

Hope you over these negative emotions now but hugs to the little girl you once were.

Thanks again everyone for your notes. I have said to DH that we will wait until Aug until we start trying just to give him time to let the whole idea sink in and make sure he's 100% behind his decision.

I can't believe the difference in the way I'm already feeling, the whole issue really was making me so miserable. I realise how much it was affecting day to day life. I used to be really impatient with the boys if they played up when DH was home because I thought it was going to ruin my chances of him wanting No3 (totally unfair I know - but unfortunately true).

Also I am so grateful and proud of DH that I didn't realise how much I was already picking at him over ridiculous things. I know it's only been a couple of days but I don't think I'll ever forget what DH has done for me, how many of his own feelings he's put aside to consider me and our family.

Nappyaddict, you asked if it was just because I was trying for a girl and the honest answer is I'd love a girl - for both of us.

However, it is not to any sort of extent that I would feel 'down' about having a boy. To be honest, I was a bit disappointed when I found out No2 was a boy, but now he is here and the way the 2 boys play, cuddle, laugh and love each other - and me, it's made me realise that really a child is much more down to their personality than their sex and whatever the sex you never know what the person will be like - the two boys are polar opposite. DS1 is a complete mummy's boys and clingmonster. DS2 is Mr Independent, the joker and the exhibitionist,

And the overriding bit that's probably not explainable and will probably sound like complete slush -but..... There's a bit of me I've not yet given away - there's still an empty bit of space in my heart waiting for someone else.

Whatever will be will be and all I know is the final piece of my family photo is one step closer to being, and I have finally got my head and heart talking again.

I'll keep you posted.....

Noonki. I must admit I wobbled last night when DS1 was up 3 times and I crept around praying DS2 wouldn't also wake. I did think 'how would I cope if I had 3 awake at the same time!' but....then I just thought that I'd probably be so mentally exhausted if I still had only 2 that I'd be awake 3 times a night anyway.

When are you going to start trying?

I have 3 and it was a huge difference from going 0-1 amd 1-2. Wouldn't be without DC3 though.

So pleased to hear that you have sorted things out with DH malvern.
When I read your post it was like I was reading about myself a year or so ago.
I was in exactly the same position as you. Had a huge yearning for baby No.3. Also have 2 boys (5.6 and 4.2). and would love a girl etc etc.

Anyway, I was upset for months with feelings eating away at me and my resentment for dh was building up as he felt exactly the same as your dh did. He was happy with "our lot", didn't want to start all over again and wanted to have better holidays, car etc. After months of me being quite miserable we had a long chat and I made it clear to dh that I would never force him into it if it truly was something that he didn't want. I asked if we could chat about it again in another 3 months time to see if his feelings would have changed. We left it at that for a couple of months and dh decided that if it happened, it happened and was meant to be
I now have 4 weeks to go before we have baby No.3 :}
I don't know what the sex is and don't mind.
If its a boy its a boy and thats whats meant to bed.
Good Luck to you all xx

Malvern did you have a 3rd? What happened?! x

Well if she did it'd be nearly 17 years old now........

FFS spicytuna06......🙄

That sounds like emotional blackmail to be honest.

Oops, zombie, sorry.

Read this whole thread not realising how old it is.
Malvern we need to know!!

@KimberleyClarkoh DFOD, it is possible for two adults to have an open and honest conversation about something without it being emotional blackmail. Had I not spoken the truth he wouldn’t have understood my point of view.

This is how is works in balanced, adult relationships. No emotional blackmail involved and she’s now 18yrs old & adored by all

almost as old as this thread 🙄

so what 🙃 curious to see how life with 3 turned out.