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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish for grandparents who enjoy babysitting

34 replies

lunamoon2 · 12/05/2009 17:43

Just a mone really. I only have my mum and mil and fil for babysitters. I don't have any other family and all dh family either live miles away, are at uni/college or live abroad.
A few years ago we tried neighbours teenage children, with great success until one by one they either went away to college got evening jobs and one even emigrated!
Anyway we don't often go out as it is a major hassle to get parents and inlaws to babysit. This month however we have 2 important events coming (both Saturday nights)and need babysitters for both. Oh asked his mum who has said no, due to the fact that pil is having very minor day surgery this month (not on either of those dates btw)and my mum has flown into a huff about "always being asked to babysit" which she is not, it is 6 weeks since she last babysat, before then was Christmas.
The flip side of this is that both sides moan about how little they see the kids and us-even though mil never invites us round. My mum even takes offence that I haven't told her I will be running a mini marathon soon as she wants to come and see me run. I do see her at least 3 times a week btw (with the kids) and am careful to involves her in her granchildren's lives the same with mil and fil.
My dd has even suggested she stay at a friend's house to which my mums response was "Oh I don't think they will like having you there for the night!"
I was a sham for many years as didn't want the hassle of asking either parents to look after our children so that I could work. If they did look after them during the week then I could understand the hostility towards the very occasional babysitting job.

My kids are 12, 10 and 7 and well behaved I am told
AIBU?

OP posts:
memoo · 12/05/2009 17:47

We have nobody at all the babysit for us my parents live too far way and DP's parents are not well enough.

Your mum is babysitting every couple of months, I think you should be grateful for this

So yabu a little

MrsBoo · 12/05/2009 17:50

No definitely not BU - I know exactly how you feel, it always seems like such a big deal i have stopped asking unless really desparate or broke.
My MIL says she needs a couple of days to prepare,and she lives closer to her other GDC who she looks after at least once a week! and I feel so guilty asking my Mum as my DC are her 16 & 17th grancchildren, so the novelty has kind of worn off for her.

MummyDragon · 12/05/2009 17:51

YANBU, but for your own sake please do try not to get too resentful luna - try to cherish the relationships that you have (all my family are dead now . Not easy though, could you speak to your mum about it when you're not feeling so annoyed and just see if she would commit to, say, one evening's babysitting per month? Same with MIL (once PIL's surgery is well out of the way).

Several of my friends' parents seem to have lost their nerve with kids by the time they've become grandparents, or feel that they have done their time and deserve some free time now. Perhaps you could make it easier for teh grandparents by making things very structured for them. For example, are there any activities that your kids enjoy that the grandparents could take them to, to give you a bit of free time? Any weekend football/ballet/cinema trips etc etc? Even if it was just once a term it would be a start ...

Bottom line - grandparents do not owe us free babysitting, unfortunately, even though it would be nice. But as I said before, YANBU to feel the way you do. You sound lovely and your kids must be so proud of your mini-marathon-running ... Good luck!

bigchris · 12/05/2009 17:52

oh yes my inlaws love to babysit and would love to live nearer so they could help out more

on the other hand my parents will babysit but see it as more of a chore

traceybath · 12/05/2009 17:52

Use an agency like Sitters - thats what lots of us have to do i'm afraid.

selby · 12/05/2009 19:56

When it comes to the point that they are reluctant babysitters, then your only option is to pay for a professional sitter - we do this on the odd occasion that we have an evening out and it's worth every penny and so much less angst!

Original poster
lunamoon2 · 12/05/2009 22:40

Thanks for your comments.
I really would like to find another reliable sitter, like we used to have, but am reluctant to leave them with someone I don't know very well.

OP posts:
Strawbezza · 12/05/2009 22:43

How about asking a friend? Offer to sit for her in return?

PrincessButtercup · 12/05/2009 22:47

I agree with Traceybath. Siters.com has done wonders for our social life now we can book a sitter at uber short notice, without the guilt attached to family favours. V reasonable rates too.

You do need to get your head around using strangers but we've been very impressed with the calibre of ladies we've had (and now have one or two that we request specifically) and haven't had a bad experience yet...

wotulookinat · 12/05/2009 22:50

Sitters.com is an American site. Is it sitters.co.uk that you have used, PrincessButtercup?

ChippingIn · 12/05/2009 22:50

Luna - I'm sorry that your Mum and MIL/FIL don't see this as an opportunity to spend time with the kids on their own If only we could put all the MN GP's into a box and then everyone could pick out the ones that would suit them - wouldn't life be easier!!

However, I think a sitter is the way forward - 3 kids, at the ages yours are, I wouldn't worry too much about leaving them with a stranger or a local teenager.... they really aren't in the 'at risk' age group are they.... even though they'll feel like it to you!!

The other thing you could do is put a msg on the nannies/childminders bit - you might get someone from MN who is 'known'...

If you want to say what area you are in, maybe one of us could help you out??

PrincessButtercup · 12/05/2009 22:54

oops, yes - it is sitters.co.uk
V easy to use once registered. You can email or call to book and you will usually receive confirmation by text within an bour or so.

TheCrackFox · 12/05/2009 23:02

Good to see some positive reports for sitters.co.uk. Have booked them for June and I am a little nervous because I have always used friends/family for nights out (a massive 3 nights a year).

Dillydaydreamer · 12/05/2009 23:02

Oh I have sympathy and have been found ranting about similar issues with my parents Accept what you cannot change, have courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference
We have a babysitting circle so friends babysit for us and they for us, so we never pay each other. It saves a fortune on hassle and money

SerendipitousHarlot · 12/05/2009 23:12

I do think you are being a teeny bit U - you get quite a lot of babysitting compared to a lot of people.

ChippingIn · 12/05/2009 23:38

Serendip - 'quite a lot of babysitting'?? Her Mum has babysat once this year... and it's now May. I wouldn't call that a lot!

SerendipitousHarlot · 12/05/2009 23:46

Nope, twice since Christmas.

My mum has babysat 3 times in 11 years. I'm not moaning about it really, just trying to let the OP see that she's quite well off compared to some people.

tattifer · 12/05/2009 23:48

YANBU I don't think I could work without my parents (in their eighties) looking after my girls. They are a godsend. They love their company, the girls love being there. I'd be lost without them!

ChippingIn · 12/05/2009 23:53

Serendip OP said 'it is 6 weeks since she last babysat and before then Christmas' I make that once this year... but if I have missed something I apologise. However, once or twice in 5 months is not a lot as far as I'm concerned! (My parents live in a different country than I do, so it's not my personal situation either).

SerendipitousHarlot · 12/05/2009 23:56

OK, once this year if we're splitting hairs

My point is that there are plenty of people who have no babysitters at all, and can't afford to pay for someone from somewhere like Sitters.

Compared to those people, at least once every 6 weeks or so is pretty good going.

I'm lucky, my mil lives around the corner and is brilliant, but me and dh never go out together later than about 10 o'clock and that's only occasionally.

ChippingIn · 13/05/2009 00:05

Serendip - splitting hairs would have been if they'd babysat for New Years - Christmas is most certainly last year!!!

arghhhhhhh!!!! Once every 6 weeks might not be too bad, but once this year is once in 20 odd weeks!! Nowhere near the same thing! and as they are refusing this time, it might be once this year!...

I appreciate that some people don't have any family that can or will babysit and I certainly don't see it as a 'right', but I think the OP is well within her rights to 'wish for Gp's who want to babysit'...

You and DH should go out more - make the most of your MIL's kind offer!! I babysat for friends last week, they were home at 11, it seemed barely worth it!! I tried to send them out again but they wanted to go to sleep... boring old farts!!

StayFrosty · 13/05/2009 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn · 13/05/2009 00:10

Frosty - I was hoping there was some background that the OP hadn't posted that made that comment 'make sense' (not sure what though, maybe a very very small house, new baby, week night etc), as I was hoping that her Mum was not that horrible to her Grandchildren!

SerendipitousHarlot · 13/05/2009 00:25

my mum has flown into a huff about "always being asked to babysit" which she is not, it is 6 weeks since she last babysat

ChippingIn · 13/05/2009 00:30

20 weeks since Christmas - so once (6 weeks ago) in 20 weeks...

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