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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not approve of DD's new boyfriend?

63 replies

needanap · 12/05/2009 11:09

I know you're all going to tell me IABU but I need to vent my feelings.
My DD is in her first year at Uni. She also has a part time job in a fast food place where she met her current boyfriend. They have been together for 4 months and she is besotted.

I've never even met him but I feel he is unsuitable, mainly because he works in fast food (I know, I know, flame me now ) but also because he has no A levels or equivalent. I don't want to disrespect him but he is 24 and my DD is only 19. As far as I know he is her first boyfriend.

I don't want to come across as an appalling snob...although I know I am....It's just I wanted someone wonderful for my DD!

AIBU?

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadows · 15/05/2009 09:02

I think the OP is right to be concerned about ANY boyfriend her daughter does not want her to meet, to be honest!

YorkshireRose · 15/05/2009 10:58

Yes I agree 2rebecca - I only wanted my parents to meet the boyfriends that were very serious. Nothing wrong with the others, just not appropriate to say to a young bloke you have been dating for a few months "oh come and meet my parents". Most would run a mile at that point as they would think the girl has marriage in mind when they are just having a fun relationship which may or may not get serious.

wolfnipplechips · 15/05/2009 11:02

I haven't had time to read the whole thing but YANBU but the best thing you can do is say nothing, she'll only end up running off and marrying him if you make a big fuss if not it'll probably just fizzle out.

katiestar · 16/05/2009 20:25

You are being a snob.

nooka · 16/05/2009 20:44

I think this is something you are just going to have to cope with. Part of the point of university is to spread your wings, and for parents it is a time to let go. So a transition all round. I suspect most of us want our sons and daughters to find love with people who are reasonably similar to ourselves, because we think that is what will make them happy. My mother deeply disapproved of my first boyfriend at university (who did turn into dh, so you never know), and looking back I can totally see why, because from the perceptive of an adult 18/19 seems incredibly young and vulnerable and so of course we worry about them making mistakes.

I too would worry about my dd being besotted, and I would worry about a five year age gap at that age. I would also prefer them to be spending time with their fellow students, because for me the university experience was very special (especially the first year, which is when I made most of my friends), and so I would be sad if I thought my child was missing out. I might also worry that she would possibly be more likely to drop out of university if things got tough, because of the appeal of earning a wage and being more in the "adult" world of her boyfriend. These might all be completely paranoid thoughts, and nothing you can actually do about them, but not unreasonable to worry IMO.

Janos · 16/05/2009 22:19

You know OP, when my sister started seeing her boyfriend he was working in a call centre and didn't have a degree or further education. My parents (Mum, Dad and Step-dad) were horrendously snobby about the poor bloke (god the comments I had to listen to!)

Roll on ten years they are married and I can honestly say they are one of the happiest couples I know. There is a huge amount of love, mutual kindness and respect between them.

Needless to say everyone (rightly) sings his praises now !

poshsinglemum · 17/05/2009 11:04

Most of the men I shagged met at uni were nobbers. Some of the nicest men I've met are uneducated.

MrsMattie · 17/05/2009 11:06

I went out with a string of twats in my teens and twenties. Honestly, some of them would make your hair stand on end if I told you about them

This is what most normal teenage girls do. Go out with guys their mum and dad wouldn't approve of. I seriously wouldn't worry about it. Not much you can do about it, anyway. If you say openly 'Don't go out with guys who work in McDs' she will probably develop some sort of weird fetish for them

naturalblonde · 17/05/2009 11:09

I met my dh when we both worked in McDs. My parents hated him; working full time there, no a-levels, about 4 GCSEs, no real prospects, but he was lovely to me, and 12 years later he's now a police officer and we're married with two gorgeous little girls, and strangely enough, my parents adore him.

Just give him a chance, fast food can offer a good career, and you've never met him. If he makes your daughter happy then surely that's more important than the fact he doesn't have a degree.

YABU, but I think you already knew that

BitOfFun · 25/06/2009 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BitOfFun · 25/06/2009 21:43

Whoops wrong thread!

TrillianAstra · 25/06/2009 21:55

That was quick!

zeke · 25/06/2009 22:23

Oh yes - bite your tongue! I can understand how you feel though. I think it is highly unlikely that this is her life partner, unless you disapprove openly of course

TBH the highest earning men I know don't have A-levels, yet alone a degree, and they all started off in low status jobs. They have something else, something much more special.

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