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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at a comment my MIL's student made about my daughter ??

38 replies

mummyloveslucy · 11/05/2009 20:27

Hi, My mother in law has had students for about 20 years now. She's usually lucky and has had some lovely ones. Anyway, the one she's got now isn't so nice.
My 4 year old daughter has some developmental issues which are being investigated, but she isn't potty trained and often soiles herself.
We stayed the night at my MIL's house and at breakfast time, my daughter was hiding under the table as she didn't want me to get her dressed. The student was sat having her breakfast. She said to me "Can you take her out please, she stinks!". She then poot her head under the table and said to my daughter "Can you go with your Mum, you stink and it's not very nice".
I was horrified. For a start, I couldn't get to her, as the student was in the way.
I eventually got her out and checked her knickers. She was clean and dry.
Later, my MIL found a bag of cauliflower in the fridge that had gone off and was stinking. That's what she could smell.
When my MIL explained this too her, there was no appology.
I try to keep the peace for my MIL's sake but that really peed me off.

OP posts:
dollius · 11/05/2009 20:30

I think I would be miffed if someone said this about my dog.

YANBU in the least.

dinkystinky · 11/05/2009 20:30

YANBU - what a cow! I'd suggest she go out the room next time......

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 11/05/2009 20:47

She is a compleate cow. My MIL recently lost her mother, who she's cared for at home.
On the day of her funeral, this student was hasseling her about a t-shirt which had gone missing in the wash. We were all very bizzy helping prepare the food for the wake, and she expected us to hunt for her t-shirt. She's unbelievable.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 11/05/2009 20:49

My MIL does all their washing and ironing, which is a bonus for them. They are usually very greatfull.

OP posts:
InsomniacMumontheRun · 11/05/2009 20:50

YANBU at all.

How dare she speak to your daughter like that!

brimfull · 11/05/2009 20:52

what a bitch!

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 11/05/2009 20:56

My husband was fuming. He didn't like her from the start. I told him to give her a chance. He was obviously right.

OP posts:
earthpixie · 11/05/2009 21:03

Can't your MIL ask her to leave and get a nicer one? She sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 11/05/2009 21:13

She only has a week left. She's been with her for 4 weeks. It's such a shame she had to have a bad one at the time of her Mum dying. It's really . She's had a lovely student before her, she stayed for 15 months. She was japanese and fantastic with my daughter. She was like one of the family.

OP posts:
dilemma456 · 11/05/2009 21:58

Message withdrawn

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 13/05/2009 15:27

It goes from bad to worse!!!

I was staying down MIL's again, I was sleeping after a night shift while she looked after my daughter. I woke up to the sound of the student shouting. I didn't pay much attention as she is very excitable. I went back to sleep.
Then I found out from my husband that the student had shouted at my daughter!
My daughter is terrified of my MIL's cat, and always wants the doors shut in what ever room she's in, so the cat can't get to her. Anyway, the student came in to the kitchen where my daughter was, and left the door open. Because of my daughters communication difficulties she just rushed to the door crying trying to close it. The student wouldn't let her and shouted at her "Stop this crying! don't you treat me like this, or I'll take your dog home with me to switzerland. (She thought she was scared of the dog).
My MIL was furious and said to her "Don't you dare talk to my granddaughter like that, she dosn't have much confidence as it is".
She came down later and appologised to my MIL saying "I shouldn't have shouted at her, but I can't stand her crying".
She asked my MIL is she should leave, and my MIL said she didn't have to as long as she never did anything like that again.
I'd rather she sent her packing. We are now not going to go to MIL's house for a week untill she's gone home. We usually see MIL most days, so she won't be happy. I just can't face seeing that horrid woman again though. I am fuming!

OP posts:
Wizzska · 13/05/2009 15:57

I'd find it really hard not to go round there and give that cow a rollicking. Am very angry on your behalf. Your poor DD.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 13/05/2009 16:00

I know, I've been trying to keep the peace for the sake of my MIL. I can't do that any more though, so we'll have to stay away untill she's gone.

OP posts:
Springfleurs · 13/05/2009 17:04

Well you must be a very nice person MLL because I would most certainly go round and have it out with her, probably not the best idea and she did apologise I suppose, BUT my son has ASD and if anyone shouted at him because of something he couldn't help I would go nuts.

What a horrible cow. I feel really angry for you. Whereabouts are you? Maybe I could go round and have a few sharp words with her. This has made me very cross, best go and attack my ironing.

2shoes · 13/05/2009 17:06

yanbu
I amazed that you didn't slap her

Frasersmum123 · 13/05/2009 17:16

what a b!tch

yabnu

stillenacht · 13/05/2009 17:20

My pupils at school regularly call each other retards in front of me and take the mickey out of "special" kids (they are at grammar school btw so you would think they had some sense...)

My son (aged 5) has low functioning autism and i guess would qualify as a 'retard' in their eyes. They all know him (as he sometimes comes into school with me) and they all know his problems but still they carry on...they just don't think..thats it really.

Tamarto · 13/05/2009 17:23

Are you sure she has no problems of her own, she seems to have her own problems socially.

Bobblebuddy · 13/05/2009 17:30

I'm amazed you didn't slap this student. You must have found it hard not to. You can't afford to let anyone, no matter how random they may be, cause your poor dd to lose confidence. She sounds like she has enough to deal with as it is. But I have lacked confidence from an early age, and it is only now that i am learning that it is all linked with the "little" things people used to say to me as a child. you need to protect your daughter from things like that as longas you can. what a total bitch. your MIL should send her packing...

At least you could explain to your dd as best you can that the fault lies with the student, and not with your dd, so she doesn't take the blame on her own shoulders for the way the student was. that is the best thing you can do for your dd in this stituation i think.

oldspotraver · 13/05/2009 18:45

Who places these students ?? I would be having a word with them about this girl as its basically bullying a little child

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 13/05/2009 18:47

Yes, we've talked about it and she knows that Mummy and Daddy are very cross with the student. I let her know that she didn't do anything wrong, she was just scared of the cat.
I think the student may have some social difficulties. She was telling us early on that her sons family's won't speek to her anymore. I think she's got a nack of pissing people off.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 13/05/2009 18:57

Stillenacht- that's awfull, I bet you feel like slapping them.
You would expect more of grammer school pupils, but the 11+ obviously dosn't cover personality.

oldspotraver- She's not a girl, she's a 59 year old woman. She smokes a pipe (in the garden of corse) and wears a cow boy hat.
She is one strange woman, but should know better.

OP posts:
oldspotraver · 13/05/2009 19:07

Lol there is obviously a very good reason her family dont speak to her. Wonder if she will figure it out

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 13/05/2009 19:48

I hope so! She'll be in for a nasty shock one day, if she shouts at someones child who is not as patient as I am.

OP posts:
katiestar · 13/05/2009 20:13

Probably get flamed for this but I think YAB a bit unreasonable.I don't think as a paying guest I would want to sit and eat breakfast in a room that stank of sh*t. My DD had some problems and frequently soiled herself up until about 6 and would not change herself or allow anyone to change her.i had to be quite harsh with her about it not being acceptable to 'go round smelling at people'.